Visitors at the house-dialogue

[Onemore52]

On different occasions over the last couple of weeks we have had visitors at the house (hit and run), of course they come in with their arms swinging and leave with them full, that is to be expected, no problem with that.

What has me concerned is that while they are sitting there eating the food that I have provided  and drinking the beer that they didn't bring,that they start talking in tagalog, which they know I cannot understand.

One night last week when this happened I just excused myself and headed off to bed, because I had consumed a fair amount of grog so thought I should at least keep my cool.

Two nights ago at dinner the same thing happened and at the end of their conversation my GF turned to me and started to translate to me what they had said, to which I replied "I don't really care", as my reasoning is that they are at my dinner table, and I know perfectly well that their grasp of the English language is better than average.

Have many members experienced this and how did you handle the situation?

I must add that I have only just recently retired and am only now living here, which is no excuse but at the moment I have too much going on to sit down and learn the language, which as a novice could take a bloody long time.

Basically I just think it is rude for them to do it in my house, so much so that I have pulled the "welcome mat" in.

Cheers,

Chee

 

 

[Sander Martin]

It is rude of them.

I have a similar experience here at my fiances home. At the dinner table they would speak tagalog and whenever we would go out to eat they would talk tagalog. They all speak really good english. They dont see the big deal about leaving me out of the conversation. I think its the norm here. Its their house, so i cant make the rules here. Your living in your house, so you can make the rules.

I have just started to take my dinner with me to my room (aircon) and I didn't go to the last eat out that the brother in law invited. They all asked why and i told them whats the point of me coming if your going to talk Tagalog 90% of the time anyways and im just left out in a corner talking to my fiance. They looked at me like im a drama queen. 

[Onemore52]

Sander,

Which is exactly what I was wondering, i.e. am I being a drama queen, so opening another San Mig and tuning them out might be the way for me to go.

 

[Sander Martin]

25 minutes ago, Onemore52 said:

Sander,

Which is exactly what I was wondering, i.e. am I being a drama queen, so opening another San Mig and tuning them out might be the way for me to go.

 

I dont think you are, but it might be easier for you just to open that new bottle of San Mig and not invite those people back. Bothered me alot at first, but like i said, now i just leave the table.

I tried explaining it to my fiance... Told her on how would she feel if we only spoke Estonian when we go to Estonia. Only Estonian even tho we know that she wont understand a word and most of us can speak good english. She just said: its ok. I just dont think they have experienced on how it feels being left out a conversation. She would be annoyed aswell (not that she would show it like i do tho).

When i lived in Australia for two years i had quite alot of Estonian mates in Perth. From time to time at gatherings non Estonian speakers would show up. Majority of the discussion would shift into english (even tho usually it was 1-2 non Estonians and 5-10 Estonians). They were invited to the gathering aswell and had an equal right to be in the conversation. Only eye to eye chat between two people would be in Estonian (with people sitting next to each other or going for a fag together).

Just basic politeness in my eyes.

Edited June 5, 2016 by Sander Martin

[mogo51]

I have to agree with both of you, if the guests are fluent in English, why can't they speak it to include you in the discussion?

My SO will say to me if we are with her Filipino friends,' sorry darling, do you mind if I speak  in Tagalog?'  I always say ok, yes they could probably speak English, but at least it has been acknowledged and does not worry me.

But if they just left me out, I would be most p...sed off. 

[Steve & Myrlita]

I also experience it here with Ilonggo. I asked Myrlita and a mutual friend why do they do that when they can speak good English and then translate to me? I was told it is a rule of their culture that Filipinos of the same prov must communicate in their mother tongues. I took it as Filipino pride. Do I like it? No. But, it's their country.

[expatuk2014]

the only words of tagalog I know are salamat and Mahal kita I am used to everyone speaking in Tagalog and they know Iam not bothered aboutit as the wife explains the imprtant things to me so I just sit and eat and drink ! I think its because of us expats that  the sales of san Mig have gone up !!

[Dave Hounddriver]

Many people will agree that it is rude to talk one's native language when the host does not understand it.  I am not one of those people.

I am not one who is concerned what others are talking about.  If they want to say something to me they will make themselves understood, as I would do if it were important they understand me.  Whatever they are talking about, I don't care.  Its their business.  I would like to think that they are enjoying themselves if I am the host.  But, if they are not enjoying themselves then I will smile and not care if they don't come back.

That said, I do appreciate it and give a genuine smile when Filipinos make a special effort to talk to me in English, I just don't feel slighted when they do not do that.

[Jollygoodfellow]

I would think the best option is to get in when there's a lull in their conversations and start one in English. They will have to speak to you in English then.

[Kuya John]

H'mmmmmm sore point for me this

When I'm holidaying in Philippines, I can accept them talking in native tongue, although it can be uncomfortable sometimes.

What I find very hard here in UK, is the same thing happens here at any gathering's. Even when driving people around, I very often have to ask my wife to be speak in English, which doesn't go down to well, as if I have embarrassed her in front of friends.

I have on occasions explained the reverse positions...What if I was living in Philippines, only mixed with English speaking people and she couldn't speak English, that didn't go down to well neither. so.......Welcome to the club fella's, it's part of the culture I'm afraid.