Coping with Philippine Culture - Staring

[Jack Peterson]

 @Tommy T.

A Little light reading for you or anyone Interested;

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 Filipinos often use their eyes, lips, and hands to convey a wide range of messages. Raised eyebrows and a smile indicate a silent “hello” or a “yes” in response to a question. Fixed eye contact between men is considered aggressive. The proper method to summon somebody is with a downward wave.

Filipinos place great emphasis on polite language and gentle conversation. Tone of voice should always be soft and gentle, and direct questions should be avoided. 

As a sign of respect, Filipinos address people much older than them with po and opo. They do not call elders by their first names, but use words such as Kuya, Ate, Manong or Manang that denote their superiority and greater wisdom. They also practise the gesture of kissing the hands of the elders and the peculiar gesture of letting the front of the hand of an elder touch their foreheads. *****

 

 

 Just my Input for now

 Jack

 Morning All 

 

[TimL]

Stares are quite normal here, I wouldn’t sweat it too much. Just keep your head on a swivel which you should be doing anyway. ;) You didn’t mention how old your GF is in relation to you or how small she is in relation to you but I’m guessing there is a big size diff since you said that you are tall. Either of those could be part of the reason. Add to that, some guys here seem to be upset by the fact that foreigners in general scoop a lot of the hotties, even worse for older guys that scoop the hotties. Lol... Like you said, some guys just love to sit and stare at beautiful women that they can’t have. I dealt with the same thing when there was a building going up next door to us. Damn near the whole crew would stop what they were doing and stare us down as we were walking by. 🤷‍♂️  I thought to myself oh well, I’m sorry that I am and you aren’t. Hahaha...

My philosophy is, if they are not paying my taxes, paying my bills and buying my food, I couldn’t care less what they think.

[Tommy T.]

Hi again Jack...

Thanks for the insights. Fortunately some of these communication traits are common in other island nations.

However one that you mention puzzles me a bit. You say

21 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 direct questions should be avoided. 

Hmmm. I was walking my partner's little dog a month ago, just going down the street. There was a guy with his kid on his shoulders that we caught up to. Without introduction he asked some of the "standard" questions I hear all the time: "Where do you come from?" "Where do you live?" "Are you married?" "To a Filipina?" "Are you an ex-marine?" (What???!!!), "How much do you pay for your rent?" They seem a bit direct to me. When someone gets a bit too personal, I usually answer, "Hmmm... I forget," and give a smile. That is usually my response with any money questions. I have even been asked my income from some curious people. The questions don't bother me, but they certainly seem direct to me - laughing...

I answer that I am from USA then always ask where are they from - and again, with a smile. That always makes them laugh and say Philippines! Two days ago, when I asked where he was from the guy told me Davao City, the barangay and the village and street! So unexpected, but he took my question seriously - nice guy, a taxi driver (who I always tip because I drove a taxi and always appreciated tips...

[graham59]

It's all a part of normal life for a foreigner here. 

Don't take it as aggression or an insult. Try to be friendly to the locals, not 'superior', or paranoid.  They are by nature very sweet and kind people, whatever age group they fall into. 

You're a curiosity, nothing more or less. 

Relax, and enjoy the novelty of being something of a celebrity.  

[Tommy T.]

Hi TimL. Thanks for your thoughts. I like your philosophy. Yeah, I am about 6'1" and she is 4' 11". She is 20 years my junior in age but still very wise and smart, in addition to being attractive. So you are probably correct that contributes to the stares. We do laugh sometimes when the workers just drop their tools to stare for a while. I waved at one once and the fool waved back! Made me laugh again...

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Tommy T. said:

the "standard" questions I hear all the time

 

1 minute ago, Tommy T. said:

 direct questions should be avoided. 

 Oh Well of course they can ask a direct question, it would seem it is we ( the Foreigner) that should not, I disagree totally which is why so many things go wrong. If we did not ask Direct Questions they would just carry on as they do, Like for example What size diameter of pipe are you putting in, they would use a 3 in where a 4 in is needed If we do not ask  Mayhem will follow 

[Tommy T.]

graham59... Thanks for your support! Yeah you are all right. I just need to chill some more. I will make the extra effort. I also try to be super respectful - again, because I am a guest in this country. I make it a special point too, to apologize for not speaking any of their languages when they might apologize to me for speaking less than stellar English... 

But I also always try to be aware of my surroundings and people nearby. My normal walking pace is rather brisk (SO HATES that I walk fast) but it also let's me feel, hear or see who might be trying to keep up or approach. I did this always even in Chicago and Seattle too - just part of my normal way, I guess...

[robert k]

1 hour ago, Tommy T. said:

Hi Jack... Just plain Tom is okay... Thanks for your kind words. I guess I am checking to see if I am the only one this happens to and maybe to confirm that my reactions to it are appropriate. I also wanted to just relate my experiences in case they may assist the next guy (or woman) who notices this...

There was this carabao that simply couldn't take it's eyes off me, one time. I was probably outside it's experience entirely, possibly the same with your admirers.

[Tommy T.]

Jack - totally agree with you. I hate when they get "creative" when not being direct with work or construction.

[Tommy T.]

Hahaha! Thanks Robert.... Now I will blush!