Being a Father Later In Life

[craftbeerlover]

1 hour ago, Joey G said:

Your experience perhaps (???)... but not mine.  It's not where you grow up... it's how the parents raise their kids... no matter what side of the ocean you live. 

My thoughts exactly.  I think kingpins comment was a little harsh, and based on my 30+ years being around Filipinos (parents and kids), I would argue against that sentiment "Probably not, but unlike kids growing up today in Canada or the US, they'll at least be normal, happy, well-adjusted." very strongly

[Kingpin]

1 hour ago, Joey G said:

It's not where you grow up... it's how the parents raise their kids... no matter what side of the ocean you live. 

Part of parenting is raising your kids in a decent culture, and the 'side of the ocean' you live absolutely matters.

 

 

[Kingpin]

2 hours ago, OnMyWay said:

Right now, I echo these thoughts.  I hope that it can be reversed because I still need to move my family at some point, even if only a temp move so that my wife can get SS on my account.  We are delaying 2 more years.  Wait and see.

Good idea to delay, 2024 elections will have a big effect but some locations are irreversibly damaged.

12 minutes ago, craftbeerlover said:

My thoughts exactly.  I think kingpins comment was a little harsh, and based on my 30+ years being around Filipinos (parents and kids), I would argue against that sentiment "Probably not, but unlike kids growing up today in Canada or the US, they'll at least be normal, happy, well-adjusted." very strongly

Always surprised when expats think the cultural disintegration of the West that damaged women (and made us all expats) somehow leaves the children unscathed.

1 hour ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

 Perhaps he is correct that the US is fecked up.

And Canada is on the way but for a variety of reasons not nearly as bad yet.

 

 

[baronapart]

2 hours ago, OnMyWay said:

Right now, I echo these thoughts.  I hope that it can be reversed because I still need to move my family at some point, even if only a temp move so that my wife can get SS on my account.  We are delaying 2 more years.  Wait and see.

Which brings me to another point.  Your (OP) child will be a U.S. citizen.  Make sure you do the CRBA right away.  When you turn 62, your kid will get SS too.  Do the math and it will make sense to start your SS at 62, because your kid will get it too.  You might want to have a second kid!  Your wife will need to live in the U.S. for 5 years or become a USC in order to collect on your account.

I was 57 when my first daughter was born, semi-planned.  My second daughter was two years later, unplanned.  I did not have kids previously.  I would not change anything.  Children are a blessing and I love em to death.  Main thing is to focus on your health so you can be around as they grow up.

I gave you a laugh because of the "have two." Thanks for the heads up about SS. I remember you posting about it.

[hk blues]

Getting back to original question -

There are pros and cons of being an older father.  I had my 1st (and only and likely last) child at 47.  Not quite in my golden years but certainly silver ones! The major issues for me would be/were financial, thinking energy levels.  The financial one could be looked at both ways - by the time we get to our age we should be financially more stable but on the other hand we suddenly have to meet expenses that most our age don't - they've long since gotten that out of the way. Thinking is a generational thing but when the generation gap is wider the thinking gap becomes wider as well - that can be an issue.  Energy levels is possibly another factor - no matter how we cut it we aren't as mentally and physically fit as we were - that said, as most kids nowadays aren't running about outside as we perhaps did  it may not be such an issue after all.

I haven't really found many if any real issues but by the time I reach retirement age my son will be out of his teens so the age thing is not really as relevant as if I were already 60 when my son was born as per baronpart.  Other members' experience is more relevant than mine in that sense.

Possibly of greater concern is that there seems to be an undercurrent of expectation or hope of a child from baronpart's partner - that may become more and more of a problem as time goes by.  I'm not quite saying now or never but perhaps better sooner than later!

 

[craftbeerlover]

1 hour ago, Kingpin said:

Always surprised when expats think the cultural disintegration of the West that damaged women (and made us all expats) somehow leaves the children unscathed.

 

 

 

Not quite sure what dots you are connecting.   Do you know what made me an expat?    How did the west damage women, and how do you get to that from my comment?  What cultural disintegration is going on in the west that is not going on in other parts of the world, such as the Philippines?    I disagreed with the general statement that children being raised in the USA are unhappy, not normal, and not well-adjusted and you came back with how the west damaged children, women and impressivie insight as to why we are all expats..   I raised my children in the USA, and they are raising their children there as well.   They are happy, they are normal, and they are well adjusted, as are all the people/friends they associate with.  

[Old55]

I would agree with HK as to having the means and energy for children including higher education costs.

I'm 69 years old now with a 16 year old in high school and 21 year old in college. We planned for college expenses but I do not have nearly the energy or physical ability I did 20 years ago. 

 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Old55

[OnMyWay]

7 hours ago, Kingpin said:

Probably not, but unlike kids growing up today in Canada or the US, they'll at least be normal, happy, well-adjusted.

If you have the time and energy to give the kid the attention they deserve, no good reason not to do it.

 

5 hours ago, Joey G said:

Your experience perhaps (???)... but not mine.  It's not where you grow up... it's how the parents raise their kids... no matter what side of the ocean you live. 

 

5 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

I wondered about that too.  I have not heard Kingpin mention his experiences growing up in Canada before.  I do know one kid who did not turn out so well, growing up in Canada I mean, but all the ones I know who are currently growing up in Canada seem normal, happy, and well-adjusted.  Perhaps he is correct that the US is fecked up.  I will have to accept his analysis of that as I don't know anyone currently growing up there.

 

2 hours ago, craftbeerlover said:

Not quite sure what dots you are connecting.   Do you know what made me an expat?    How did the west damage women, and how do you get to that from my comment?  What cultural disintegration is going on in the west that is not going on in other parts of the world, such as the Philippines?    I disagreed with the general statement that children being raised in the USA are unhappy, not normal, and not well-adjusted and you came back with how the west damaged children, women and impressivie insight as to why we are all expats..   I raised my children in the USA, and they are raising their children there as well.   They are happy, they are normal, and they are well adjusted, as are all the people/friends they associate with.  

Baronpart has not asked for advice on moving his future child out of the Philippines, so I won't go there any further.  Perhaps a new topic is warranted if it can be kept non-political.

[baronapart]

Energy levels are fine TODAY :-) I walk 5k 4 times a week hard and lift twice a week. My filipina thinks I am invincible and that is part of the problem) I have noticed most of them have issues thinking and dealing with future consequences.  Her answer is "Pray to God that all will be fine." Offff...

Financially I am in excellent shape. I am a Fed Government retiree and my TSP investments were solid. I owned my house in the US outright for years and the recent housing market upturn really helped.

The biggest obstacle is that I am 59. Eventually the leaves are going to fall off and the tree will fall. Let's say I am solid until 75. That puts the child at 15 with some money but without a father. I grew up without a father and I wouldn't wish that on any child.

Thanks to all for the constructive comments. I do like OnMyWay's advice to go for a 2fer for the SS benfits :-))

[Lee]

6 hours ago, baronapart said:

That puts the child at 15 with some money but without a father. I grew up without a father and I wouldn't wish that on any child.

This would be a major concern for me if it were applicable. What kind of person would step in a become the "father" to my child after I was gone?

Presently, I help keep the families "give me more money" crowd at bay simply by being here. After I pass, I could see them running my wife into the ground with money requests to the point that she might become weak willed and finally destitute. One family actually joked recently about about how funny it would be if she became broke one day and had to rely on her family to help her out.