Surprise!

[joeatmanila]

Nice post gentlemen!!!!At least i do not feel alone!!! We're all in the same page more or less hehehehehehe

[Fast&Furious]

do any of these wifes hold a tertiary degree?

[ekimswish]

Yeah, I was wondering if by "spank" you guys meant "beat"? My wife is a Waray-Waray (people from Leyte/Samar famous for violence), and I'm sure it wouldn't end well for me. When we were together in Korea, I handled all the finances and we had very few problems. When I consented on running a pig farm, however, it seems to have been like giving her carte blanche (however the french spell that). Raising pigs didn't work out and we're absolutely not trying that again. What we still have, however, are three pregnant sows due to give birth in July. I told her we can try breeding and selling piglets this once, and if it works out, she can keep doing it. But, if they don't turn a profit the first time, then we're getting rid of all things pig related immediately, and she's going to only get money for daily life, and I'll go back to paying down the credit card. She's been apologizing to me today, realizing how upset I am, but she still thinks it's about the money. I don't care about the money. I'm just PO'd that she doesn't give me enough respect to be open about this stuff, even after we've talked about it before. She can apologize all she wants. I just want a little respect when it comes to money. You old timers are probably laughing at me, knowing it will never happen, and I will continue to take it in the rear for the next fifty years. If that's the way it is, then so be it. Bartender! Pass me my drink. Bottoms up. thanks for the advice guys.

[Bruce]

Yeah, I was wondering if by "spank" you guys meant "beat"? My wife is a Waray-Waray (people from Leyte/Samar famous for violence), and I'm sure it wouldn't end well for me. When we were together in Korea, I handled all the finances and we had very few problems. When I consented on running a pig farm, however, it seems to have been like giving her carte blanche (however the french spell that). Raising pigs didn't work out and we're absolutely not trying that again. What we still have, however, are three pregnant sows due to give birth in July. I told her we can try breeding and selling piglets this once, and if it works out, she can keep doing it. But, if they don't turn a profit the first time, then we're getting rid of all things pig related immediately, and she's going to only get money for daily life, and I'll go back to paying down the credit card. She's been apologizing to me today, realizing how upset I am, but she still thinks it's about the money. I don't care about the money. I'm just PO'd that she doesn't give me enough respect to be open about this stuff, even after we've talked about it before. She can apologize all she wants. I just want a little respect when it comes to money. You old timers are probably laughing at me, knowing it will never happen, and I will continue to take it in the rear for the next fifty years. If that's the way it is, then so be it. Bartender! Pass me my drink. Bottoms up. thanks for the advice guys.

Violence on Samar? Uh -oh... I spend a lot on time in Catbalogan.... never had a problem.... but then I never met your wife. I always thought it was Mindanao that was the violent area. My woman friend is over 50 and weighs ........................ 28 kilos (NOT a typo, 28 kilos she is, 28.5 when wet) and she did tell me once that she took karate lessons when she was younger....... However, my ex wife was a inner city Baltimore woman who had quite a violent reputation in her area. At 5'6" and 105 pounds she was quite a wild woman I was told. Although she is a long term drunk (not an alcoholic, THEY have money and can afford the title) she never hit or threatened me in any way. Of course I never tried to take her beer away... I am not STUPID, you know......

[Papa Carl]

Since I met Ellie, twice in the four years we have known each other we have "fought", both of those times it was about money and family! Point taken. Lesson Learned? Well we will see, I am a bit thick headed some times! :SugarwareZ-037:Ellie definitely is like the rest of her family, "live for today", they thought I was crazy for buying an extra can of corned beef, or sandwich meat when we did the Groceries over the past 2 years, but we have lived off those extra cans of meat and vegies for the past 3 months and Ellie is starting to understand the concept of "not eating it all because we have it at the moment" However the strange thing is both times I lost my cool demeanour, suave and debonair man that I am... :whistling: I yelled and screamed, I knocked over things and said things that I should not have said, (as we usually do). After it was all over Ellie said, "I don't like you when you are angry like that, you look evil, and scare me. You should just hit me and get if over with" I was dumbfounded, lost and confused! "Just hit You!!! Are you crazy, I can't do that! My mother would never forgive me if she found out! (and she is 78 years old), and my father if he was still alive would disown me as a son! :wt-hell:The thing is, she was serious, and couldn't understand why I didn't comprehend that hitting her was less scary than yelling at her! :any-help:I thought this must simply be an Ellie thing, but have since learned that if has been said to others from their Filipina G/F or wives, so it must be a Filipna thing. So maybe you have something there, but I must admit, it is still not something I could do. My fear is once started, would it end? and would it become more frequent?Ellie is so devastated when I get angry, and it upsets her for days!The problem is that she is so fiercely independent and strong willed, that she will stand nose to chest with me, almost challenging me to hit her! God what a beautiful creature she is!!! :-kiss:So I'll stick to being scary, and stupid, walk off, cool down and then come home with my tail between my legs.After all is said and done, she is worth every hell she could ever put me through. What am I going to do, when Chiya grows up if she is like her Mum? By then I will be in a wheel chair and totally defenceless! :SugarwareZ-034:Papa Carl

[Jake]

Since I met Ellie, twice in the four years we have known each other we have "fought", both of those times it was about money and family! Point taken. Lesson Learned? Well we will see, I am a bit thick headed some times! :SugarwareZ-037:Ellie definitely is like the rest of her family, "live for today", they thought I was crazy for buying an extra can of corned beef, or sandwich meat when we did the Groceries over the past 2 years, but we have lived off those extra cans of meat and vegies for the past 3 months and Ellie is starting to understand the concept of "not eating it all because we have it at the moment" However the strange thing is both times I lost my cool demeanour, suave and debonair man that I am... :whistling: I yelled and screamed, I knocked over things and said things that I should not have said, (as we usually do). After it was all over Ellie said, "I don't like you when you are angry like that, you look evil, and scare me. You should just hit me and get if over with" I was dumbfounded, lost and confused! "Just hit You!!! Are you crazy, I can't do that! My mother would never forgive me if she found out! (and she is 78 years old), and my father if he was still alive would disown me as a son! :wt-hell:The thing is, she was serious, and couldn't understand why I didn't comprehend that hitting her was less scary than yelling at her! :any-help:I thought this must simply be an Ellie thing, but have since learned that if has been said to others from their Filipina G/F or wives, so it must be a Filipna thing. So maybe you have something there, but I must admit, it is still not something I could do. My fear is once started, would it end? and would it become more frequent?Ellie is so devastated when I get angry, and it upsets her for days!The problem is that she is so fiercely independent and strong willed, that she will stand nose to chest with me, almost challenging me to hit her! God what a beautiful creature she is!!! :-kiss:So I'll stick to being scary, and stupid, walk off, cool down and then come home with my tail between my legs.After all is said and done, she is worth every hell she could ever put me through. What am I going to do, when Chiya grows up if she is like her Mum? By then I will be in a wheel chair and totally defenceless! :SugarwareZ-034:Papa Carl

http://www.philippin...indpost&p=32280Hey Papa Carl, I believe the Filipina in general has been taken for granted. Whether it's their sole duty to make babies because they are forced to submit and often times oppressed by abusive relationships. Or they sacrifice in silence because it's the "right thing to do". This link above somewhat generalize my feelings of what I have observed about the sacrifices of the Filipina.I would like think that "western" culture strongly enforce against abusive relationships but these days, the bleak global economy results in no job and no food to feed a hungry family. Yeah the relationship, new and old suffers eventually in any country. But personally, It would be against my very nature to physically harm my soul mate.Respectfully -- Jake

[Bruce]

Since I met Ellie, twice in the four years we have known each other we have "fought", both of those times it was about money and family! Point taken. Lesson Learned? Well we will see, I am a bit thick headed some times! :SugarwareZ-037:Ellie definitely is like the rest of her family, "live for today", they thought I was crazy for buying an extra can of corned beef, or sandwich meat when we did the Groceries over the past 2 years, but we have lived off those extra cans of meat and vegies for the past 3 months and Ellie is starting to understand the concept of "not eating it all because we have it at the moment" However the strange thing is both times I lost my cool demeanour, suave and debonair man that I am... :whistling: I yelled and screamed, I knocked over things and said things that I should not have said, (as we usually do). After it was all over Ellie said, "I don't like you when you are angry like that, you look evil, and scare me. You should just hit me and get if over with" I was dumbfounded, lost and confused! "Just hit You!!! Are you crazy, I can't do that! My mother would never forgive me if she found out! (and she is 78 years old), and my father if he was still alive would disown me as a son! :wt-hell:The thing is, she was serious, and couldn't understand why I didn't comprehend that hitting her was less scary than yelling at her! :any-help:I thought this must simply be an Ellie thing, but have since learned that if has been said to others from their Filipina G/F or wives, so it must be a Filipna thing. So maybe you have something there, but I must admit, it is still not something I could do. My fear is once started, would it end? and would it become more frequent?Ellie is so devastated when I get angry, and it upsets her for days!The problem is that she is so fiercely independent and strong willed, that she will stand nose to chest with me, almost challenging me to hit her! God what a beautiful creature she is!!! :-kiss:So I'll stick to being scary, and stupid, walk off, cool down and then come home with my tail between my legs.After all is said and done, she is worth every hell she could ever put me through. What am I going to do, when Chiya grows up if she is like her Mum? By then I will be in a wheel chair and totally defenceless! :SugarwareZ-034:Papa Carl

There is more here than meets the eye..... Domestic violence is way over diagnosed in the US today. It is based on the false assumption that all woman are clones of June Cleaver (ask a Kano if you don't understand) and that her husband Ward had a bad day at the office and came home and beat her for no reason at all....... However, if you talk to physicologists that have experience in dealing with supposed actys of violence and get to understand what is going in their heads, you will find that what is called domestic violence is really a planned event. Some people just NEED to be hit for whatever their emotional needs are. You are familiar with 'pushing my buttons'? Well, many times the person provokes a confrontation and pushing and pushes and pushes until they get hit. After it is said and done, these same people freely admit it was 'their fault' and I just could not stop until he hit me! Of course this is not every case, but when you have someone expecting to be hit and is not hit and then tells you to hit her.... believe it or not, she knows what she wants / needs. In some cultures a man is not a man unless he hits the wife and she the wife, thinks less of her husband if he refuses to hit her.This same situation plays out with law enforcement. Any police officer with a few years experience can tell you that he himself has or he has watched another officer 'provoke' an attack as to arrest the person because up to the time the officer was attacked, there was no reason to arrest the person. The officer simply made a determination that this person was an ______ and needed to go to jail, so the officer pushed the persons buttons far enough to get a response and then the grounds for arrest. For those of you in a bad relationship past or present, or came from a home where mom and dad fought a lot..... Can you think back and see times that one person was deliberatley going on and on about some stupid thing and would not stop until an attack, either verbal or physicial occured?Welcome to human nature. While we like to think of how great we are and how evolved we are... in reality, we are still mamals, still part of the greater animal world. Further, this is also why children are growing up to be uncontrolled. There is a big difference in smacking your child and beating your child. If you grow up with a 'time out' as the only penalty for being bad, then that child soon learns what the max price is that he has to pay and sometimes he is willing to pay the price to get to do what he wants. But since smacking your kid is now an arrestable offense, we have a generation of kids that have no respect and there is a great shock the day they turn 18 and do something illegal and then have to pay the adult price instead of 1 hr 'time out' kids discounted price. Criminal lawyers can tell you just how shocked that today's kids are when their whole life was act out = 1 hr time out! Turn 18 and act out and maybe do real time out in a prison! All because as a child they learned a false sense of accountability..... So, if the wife tells you to hit her..... maybe not a good idea.... but also maybe you should look a bit deeper into the situation and see what she did and see if she, aware or not, set things in motion with the goal to be hit, which satisifies a deeper need.......

[Art2ro]

Yes, the "surprise" factor from a Filipina is serious business! When we all married a Filipina, the "live in the moment" syndrome has already been embedded in their brains since birth when their parents couldn't provide all the things they needed growing up and so we have all experienced the affects it has on a relationship or marriage! What to do? Being financially broke surely doesn't help any, so there's no reason in getting angry with them no matter what the reasons, it just makes everything worst to the "point of no return", which means bye bye Charlie if one can't calm down or refrain from shouting at or beating one's wife or girlfriend! One should try to remedy the financial situation "as soon as possible" and things will go back to normal and if not, one will have to take the high road and say goodbye to everything! Yes, "life is always a matter of money", always keep some of it on hand no matter what, try to build up a nest egg for that purpose! There's nothing more difficult and stressful in life then being financially broke, starving from hunger and nowhere to go for help, it can drive a person into a state of depression or violence! All I can say is, be careful, stay calm and sensible and good luck!

[softail]

From the very beginning of our marriage I made it clear that I will be managing the money that I receive from my pensions and investments, the accounts are in my name and I will use the money to pay the bills and whatever. My wife works and she manages her money, pays her bills, sometimes helps a little with food and such and the rest is hers to do with as she wishes. So far this arrangement has worked well. I can’t say as she was happy with it in the beginning but seems OK with it now.I’m afraid she is a victim of my last marriage which was to an American women who nearly destroyed us financially and I wasn’t going to let that happen again.Doug

[Art2ro]

From the very beginning of our marriage I made it clear that I will be managing the money that I receive from my pensions and investments, the accounts are in my name and I will use the money to pay the bills and whatever. My wife works and she manages her money, pays her bills, sometimes helps a little with food and such and the rest is hers to do with as she wishes. So far this arrangement has worked well. I can’t say as she was happy with it in the beginning but seems OK with it now.I’m afraid she is a victim of my last marriage which was to an American women who nearly destroyed us financially and I wasn’t going to let that happen again.Doug

Good for you Doug on your 2nd time around! And good that your wife is working and independent! I don't foresee you getting any surprises from your wife in the future except for Birthday, Anniversary and Christmas presents! Those are the best kinds of surprises, because they come from the heart out of love and respect!