Surprise!

[Jake]

There is more here than meets the eye..... Domestic violence is way over diagnosed in the US today. It is based on the false assumption that all woman are clones of June Cleaver (ask a Kano if you don't understand) and that her husband Ward had a bad day at the office and came home and beat her for no reason at all....... However, if you talk to physicologists that have experience in dealing with supposed actys of violence and get to understand what is going in their heads, you will find that what is called domestic violence is really a planned event. Some people just NEED to be hit for whatever their emotional needs are. You are familiar with 'pushing my buttons'? Well, many times the person provokes a confrontation and pushing and pushes and pushes until they get hit. After it is said and done, these same people freely admit it was 'their fault' and I just could not stop until he hit me! Of course this is not every case, but when you have someone expecting to be hit and is not hit and then tells you to hit her.... believe it or not, she knows what she wants / needs. In some cultures a man is not a man unless he hits the wife and she the wife, thinks less of her husband if he refuses to hit her.This same situation plays out with law enforcement. Any police officer with a few years experience can tell you that he himself has or he has watched another officer 'provoke' an attack as to arrest the person because up to the time the officer was attacked, there was no reason to arrest the person. The officer simply made a determination that this person was an ______ and needed to go to jail, so the officer pushed the persons buttons far enough to get a response and then the grounds for arrest. For those of you in a bad relationship past or present, or came from a home where mom and dad fought a lot..... Can you think back and see times that one person was deliberatley going on and on about some stupid thing and would not stop until an attack, either verbal or physicial occured?Welcome to human nature. While we like to think of how great we are and how evolved we are... in reality, we are still mamals, still part of the greater animal world. Further, this is also why children are growing up to be uncontrolled. There is a big difference in smacking your child and beating your child. If you grow up with a 'time out' as the only penalty for being bad, then that child soon learns what the max price is that he has to pay and sometimes he is willing to pay the price to get to do what he wants. But since smacking your kid is now an arrestable offense, we have a generation of kids that have no respect and there is a great shock the day they turn 18 and do something illegal and then have to pay the adult price instead of 1 hr 'time out' kids discounted price. Criminal lawyers can tell you just how shocked that today's kids are when their whole life was act out = 1 hr time out! Turn 18 and act out and maybe do real time out in a prison! All because as a child they learned a false sense of accountability..... So, if the wife tells you to hit her..... maybe not a good idea.... but also maybe you should look a bit deeper into the situation and see what she did and see if she, aware or not, set things in motion with the goal to be hit, which satisifies a deeper need.......

Hello Bruce,Thank you for your enlightenment about the hard facts of life. No doubt you have been exposed to all kinds ofmedical emergencies resulted from violence on the street and at home. The first dozen San Magoo's are onme, my friend!Respectfully -- Jake

[Art2ro]

A good history lessen of the American way of life in some parts of the U.S., but what does that and the up bringing of children have to do with the topic at hand about the "surprises" from a Filipina and the possibility of spanking her to cure her tantrums? Spanking a Filipina! Never ever heard of that one before! So, let’s get back on topic so we can hear from others in what they do to remedy the situation of unexpected "surprises" as the conversation first started with and slowly went off topic! I’m sure there are still members out there that still don’t have a clue what makes a Filipina tick, but seem to have found their own solutions, like Doug did with his Filipina wife, but will it work for all Filipinas? I don't think so!

[ekimswish]

There is more here than meets the eye..... Domestic violence is way over diagnosed in the US today. It is based on the false assumption that all woman are clones of June Cleaver (ask a Kano if you don't understand) and that her husband Ward had a bad day at the office and came home and beat her for no reason at all....... However, if you talk to physicologists that have experience in dealing with supposed actys of violence and get to understand what is going in their heads, you will find that what is called domestic violence is really a planned event. Some people just NEED to be hit for whatever their emotional needs are. You are familiar with 'pushing my buttons'? Well, many times the person provokes a confrontation and pushing and pushes and pushes until they get hit. After it is said and done, these same people freely admit it was 'their fault' and I just could not stop until he hit me! Of course this is not every case, but when you have someone expecting to be hit and is not hit and then tells you to hit her.... believe it or not, she knows what she wants / needs. In some cultures a man is not a man unless he hits the wife and she the wife, thinks less of her husband if he refuses to hit her.This same situation plays out with law enforcement. Any police officer with a few years experience can tell you that he himself has or he has watched another officer 'provoke' an attack as to arrest the person because up to the time the officer was attacked, there was no reason to arrest the person. The officer simply made a determination that this person was an ______ and needed to go to jail, so the officer pushed the persons buttons far enough to get a response and then the grounds for arrest. For those of you in a bad relationship past or present, or came from a home where mom and dad fought a lot..... Can you think back and see times that one person was deliberatley going on and on about some stupid thing and would not stop until an attack, either verbal or physicial occured?Welcome to human nature. While we like to think of how great we are and how evolved we are... in reality, we are still mamals, still part of the greater animal world. Further, this is also why children are growing up to be uncontrolled. There is a big difference in smacking your child and beating your child. If you grow up with a 'time out' as the only penalty for being bad, then that child soon learns what the max price is that he has to pay and sometimes he is willing to pay the price to get to do what he wants. But since smacking your kid is now an arrestable offense, we have a generation of kids that have no respect and there is a great shock the day they turn 18 and do something illegal and then have to pay the adult price instead of 1 hr 'time out' kids discounted price. Criminal lawyers can tell you just how shocked that today's kids are when their whole life was act out = 1 hr time out! Turn 18 and act out and maybe do real time out in a prison! All because as a child they learned a false sense of accountability..... So, if the wife tells you to hit her..... maybe not a good idea.... but also maybe you should look a bit deeper into the situation and see what she did and see if she, aware or not, set things in motion with the goal to be hit, which satisifies a deeper need.......

I see what you're saying, but there are a ton of holes here. For one thing, just because we're "mammals" we're supposed to give up on evolving further? I also forgot, there was NO CRIME before spanking was illegal, and all the people currently residing in prisons are those who WEREN'T physically disciplined growing up.... C'mon.... You're a smart dude, much smarter than myself, but you gotta think a little deeper than this. I gotta confirm though that my wife's friend (pinay) told her she preferred to be beat by her Korean boyfriend because it showed he loved her: yelling at her and calling her names was much more hurtful. I actually tried it after she told me that (long before having kids and getting married), and slapping her in the face only made a bad fight go riDONCULOUS, apesh$$ bananas! I'm no saint when it comes to yelling and calling names, and I know she pushes my buttons sometimes, but maybe we're best without either form of abuse, verbal or physical. I'm not there yet, but I think I have made progress, considering. One day I see myself the same as my dad, someone who no longer talks, just chills out on the couch and gets lost in the shows. Can't we all just get along? Edited June 9, 2011 by ekimswish

[Mr Lee]

A good history lessen of the American way of life in some parts of the U.S., but what does that and the up bringing of children have to do with the topic at hand about the "surprises" from a Filipina and the possibility of spanking her to cure her tantrums? Spanking a Filipina! Never ever heard of that one before! So, let’s get back on topic so we can hear from others in what they do to remedy the situation of unexpected "surprises" as the conversation first started with and slowly went off topic! I’m sure there are still members out there that still don’t have a clue what makes a Filipina tick, but seem to have found their own solutions, like Doug did with his Filipina wife, but will it work for all Filipinas? I don't think so!

Since the topic is surprise (a very wide topic) and is in the Filipina relationship section, it seems like anything and everything about how they (a Filipina) would surprise us. would fit into it. I for one do not believe in spankings for any woman, and we are supposed to be better than the wife beaters images and reputation that some Filipinos seem to have acquired. I have heard more than once from a lady that the reason they sought out a foreigners was because they did not wish to be a punching bag like their mothers ended up being, so while some may expect it, :unsure: to me it is just wrong and maybe instead of spanking her, maybe take those that seek that to a psychiatrist for some help.

[Art2ro]

A good history lessen of the American way of life in some parts of the U.S., but what does that and the up bringing of children have to do with the topic at hand about the "surprises" from a Filipina and the possibility of spanking her to cure her tantrums? Spanking a Filipina! Never ever heard of that one before! So, let’s get back on topic so we can hear from others in what they do to remedy the situation of unexpected "surprises" as the conversation first started with and slowly went off topic! I’m sure there are still members out there that still don’t have a clue what makes a Filipina tick, but seem to have found their own solutions, like Doug did with his Filipina wife, but will it work for all Filipinas? I don't think so!

Since the topic is surprise (a very wide topic) and is in the Filipina relationship section, it seems like anything and everything about how they (a Filipina) would surprise us. would fit into it. I for one do not believe in spankings for any woman, and we are supposed to be better than the wife beaters images and reputation that some Filipinos seem to have acquired. I have heard more than once from a lady that the reason they sought out a foreigners was because they did not wish to be a punching bag like their mothers ended up being, so while some may expect it, :unsure: to me it is just wrong and maybe instead of spanking her, maybe take those that seek that to a psychiatrist for some help.

How did this topic get to spanking and wife beating? Is that what foreigners do when they were previously married to non-Filipino wives? Spanking is unheard of in the Philippines, but the beating of Filipinos wives was the norm of the old days before it was unlawful by their Filipino husbands because of their drinking binges due to depression because they lived in poverty, have no job, money or food to feed their family, which is not the norm in the U.S., but of other matters due to incompatibility, psychiatric mental problems or of chemical imbalances of the brain and sometimes lack of financial stability and out of jealousy! So, it's truly a mild thing in what Filipinas surprises us with and not deserving of spankings or beatings, unless they are in that kind of relationship with a foreigner! I don't think your average Filipina was raised in that manner, unless they were born into poverty with a drunken dead beat father! Edited June 9, 2011 by Art2ro

[Dave Hounddriver]

How did this topic get to spanking and wife beating?

Because you and others keep bringing it up and confusing the two. The suggestion was made. It is outside your comfort zone. Ok drop it.

[Art2ro]

How did this topic get to spanking and wife beating?

Because you and others keep bringing it up and confusing the two. The suggestion was made. It is outside your comfort zone. Ok drop it.

There was no confusion between the two and it doesn't have anything to do with our comfort zone either, but the matter will be dropped!

[Bruce]

There is more here than meets the eye..... Domestic violence is way over diagnosed in the US today. It is based on the false assumption that all woman are clones of June Cleaver (ask a Kano if you don't understand) and that her husband Ward had a bad day at the office and came home and beat her for no reason at all....... However, if you talk to physicologists that have experience in dealing with supposed actys of violence and get to understand what is going in their heads, you will find that what is called domestic violence is really a planned event. Some people just NEED to be hit for whatever their emotional needs are. You are familiar with 'pushing my buttons'? Well, many times the person provokes a confrontation and pushing and pushes and pushes until they get hit. After it is said and done, these same people freely admit it was 'their fault' and I just could not stop until he hit me! Of course this is not every case, but when you have someone expecting to be hit and is not hit and then tells you to hit her.... believe it or not, she knows what she wants / needs. In some cultures a man is not a man unless he hits the wife and she the wife, thinks less of her husband if he refuses to hit her.This same situation plays out with law enforcement. Any police officer with a few years experience can tell you that he himself has or he has watched another officer 'provoke' an attack as to arrest the person because up to the time the officer was attacked, there was no reason to arrest the person. The officer simply made a determination that this person was an ______ and needed to go to jail, so the officer pushed the persons buttons far enough to get a response and then the grounds for arrest. For those of you in a bad relationship past or present, or came from a home where mom and dad fought a lot..... Can you think back and see times that one person was deliberatley going on and on about some stupid thing and would not stop until an attack, either verbal or physicial occured?Welcome to human nature. While we like to think of how great we are and how evolved we are... in reality, we are still mamals, still part of the greater animal world. Further, this is also why children are growing up to be uncontrolled. There is a big difference in smacking your child and beating your child. If you grow up with a 'time out' as the only penalty for being bad, then that child soon learns what the max price is that he has to pay and sometimes he is willing to pay the price to get to do what he wants. But since smacking your kid is now an arrestable offense, we have a generation of kids that have no respect and there is a great shock the day they turn 18 and do something illegal and then have to pay the adult price instead of 1 hr 'time out' kids discounted price. Criminal lawyers can tell you just how shocked that today's kids are when their whole life was act out = 1 hr time out! Turn 18 and act out and maybe do real time out in a prison! All because as a child they learned a false sense of accountability..... So, if the wife tells you to hit her..... maybe not a good idea.... but also maybe you should look a bit deeper into the situation and see what she did and see if she, aware or not, set things in motion with the goal to be hit, which satisifies a deeper need.......

I see what you're saying, but there are a ton of holes here. For one thing, just because we're "mammals" we're supposed to give up on evolving further? I also forgot, there was NO CRIME before spanking was illegal, and all the people currently residing in prisons are those who WEREN'T physically disciplined growing up.... C'mon.... You're a smart dude, much smarter than myself, but you gotta think a little deeper than this. I gotta confirm though that my wife's friend (pinay) told her she preferred to be beat by her Korean boyfriend because it showed he loved her: yelling at her and calling her names was much more hurtful. I actually tried it after she told me that (long before having kids and getting married), and slapping her in the face only made a bad fight go riDONCULOUS, apesh$ bananas! I'm no saint when it comes to yelling and calling names, and I know she pushes my buttons sometimes, but maybe we're best without either form of abuse, verbal or physical. I'm not there yet, but I think I have made progress, considering. One day I see myself the same as my dad, someone who no longer talks, just chills out on the couch and gets lost in the shows. Can't we all just get along?

What I posted is an accurate assessment of certain types of what is called domestic violence..... Once a person reads what I wrote, they can look back into their own experiences either in a relationship, or as a child watching mom and dad, and perhaps now having a different view on what happened. A lot of marriage counseling is based on what I wrote. TEACHING the couple to take a step back and look at what they are doing and break it down into the whys and how they are feeling and how to prevent it. Lee already wrote in a reply about the mamals thing and how 'we' are supposed to have evolved beyond this. He is setting an expectation that is too high for a good % of society to meet. His own experiences as a police oficer shows him that no matter how many social programs there are, no matter how much money is wasted on education..... once 'something' happens, that person 'reverts' back to a primal response, lashes out and..... then a 'crime' has been committed. However, if a dog was to do the same exact thing..... no one is supprised! A dog is ecpected to act like a dog.... Humans are expected to act like ...........HUMANS..... which is more difficult than it sounds for a % of the population. The kids and the crime rate numbers is a different topic. I am not talking about the crime rates. I am talking about kids acting out and not 'really' being punished and then acting out at 18-20 yrs old and finding out the hard way that the penalty has changed. Nothing about crime rates. And again, back to the original comments I made.... there is a DIFFERENCE in punishing / spanking and then an out right beating..... Try not to confuse the two.... If you expect MORE from humans.... you will be dissapointed every day... but if you expect humans to be..... human.... then you will have a better understanding of human nature. A very common threat on this forum is the topic of older men / young girl friends.... (NOT child molesters, different topic). This is actually human nature. if you remove the westen values / shock values... and look at the thing from a biological view... the seeking out of young, potientially fertile mates is a well documented thing. But..... there are those that seem to think that 'we' should have evolved beyond that. I would submit that simple observations made in public places shows that we have 'not' evolved beyond that. Humans are humans.... the sooner you accept it, the sooner you will have less turmoil in your life.From a Kano TV perspective...... most women / men are not like Ozzy and Harriet Nelson or Ward and June Cleaver..... If we were, there would be no relationship issues but then Life would be rather boring.I suggest that if anyone wants to further discuss human nature.... you start such a topic and then we all can jump in!

[piglett]

When they start lying and sneaking around behind your back its time to get a new wife. It shows that they have no respect for you and will only get worse.Doug

Correct Softail & it will not stop it will only get worse, i wonder what happened that made her to start to act this way.piglett

[piglett]

a couple of days before i got married my soon to be wife was laying on top of me on the bed (we had our clothes on) anyhow she bit my chin. i just figured she liked to play rough so i slapped her bottom 1 time, wow she didn't like that. she asked "why did you do that?" i said why did you bite me? she said she wouldn't bite anymore & i said i wouldn't slap her bottom anymore problem solvedpiglett