Can An X Bar Girl Make A Good Wife??

[gapotwo]

Apoligies accepted on my side roy. thank you for manning up.tomorow is a new day. :) tanks ej.

[Jake]

Apoligies accepted on my side roy. thank you for manning up.tomorow is a new day. :) tanks ej.

Apologies accepted Roy -- first round of San Magoo is on me! Respectfully -- Jake

[Art2ro]

Apoligies accepted on my side roy. Thank you for manning up. Tomorow is a new day. :) tanks ej.

Apologies accepted Roy -- first round of San Magoo is on me! Respectfully -- Jake

Ditto on that from the 3rd Fil/Am on the block! Art

[roy2cebu]

Phew! thanks for those acceptances of my apologies....great relief. I'm not here to be an ass and I'm definately not racist...how could I be? I've helped many here that would be never get anything near the help from the government of this country and I have a Filipina gf who is adorable, beautiful, great sense of humour, brilliant smile and cares for me.I would like, in order to evade further misunderstanding, to direct to another topic I will start in 'Off Topics' section. It's about our different understandings of the English language because we are brought up with different interpretations. For some it's native, like me, and those not native may not misunderstand and feel offended.I just hope, if you Filams divert there , that you will understand me. Thanks.

[Candyman]

I understand you perfectly Roy, but then again, I am an Aussie as well ! In regard to your post about fathers selling their daughters or wives into prostitution, I have a very good friend, that, that was exactly what had happened to her ! In one particular case I know about, the mother died, leaving 3 daughters and 3 sons. The eldest daughter, was also married at the time, with two little kids, and her husband left as well, around the same time,with another younger probably more sexy girl, leaving no means of support whatsoever ! So it was up to her to provide for the entire family because she was the oldest, albiet, she was still in her very early twenties. To her credit, she has raised her two little kids, and put all her sisters and brothers through school. The sacrifices she has made, just so the others could survive, and thrive, is truly amazing, and unbelievable to most westerners, but this girl in particular, I have a strong admiration for, and I am proud to call her my friend. She just does not want her sisters or her daughter to do what she has had to do, just to survive. I must add here that it was a lot of coercion on the part of the father, that forced her into this line of work in the first place, and I, myself, could never see myself doing this sort of thing to one of my own daughters, but it happens all the time in the Philippines.Mostly all they need is a chance. A chance in life that a lot of us westerners just take for granted, just simply does not exist in the Philippines. Who can blame them from wanting to better their lot in life? I know I would try to do anything for the betterment of my own family in the same situation, but to me, I think it would be an extremely hard job for me, to be able to shrug off my own inhibitions, morals and values, so that my family could eat and survive.I have talked to a great many bargirls, and count a lot of them as friends. We have had quite a lot of honest and open discussions about this very topic, and almost all, said that if there was some other sort of job they could do, to make money, to ensure at least a comfortable lifestyle, then they would do it ! The Bargirl job is a means to an end !With typical Filippino determination, and attitude, most just get into the job, and do it well. Their job is to make the customers happy, and at the same time to make the bar money, so they set about it, and do the job well, with no thought as to their own personal feelings, morals or values. It is a job to them, and they do it well. Nearly every Filippino loves music and loves to dance, and party. That is an attribute deeply ingrained in them, and another reason you see so many “Karaoke bars” in the Philippines. The Philippine people are naturally a fun loving race, so this part of the job is pretty good, and relatively easy and fun for them. They are absolutely no different from any other girl. You will find good and bad in all sorts of professions and jobs, and quite simply whatever you do for a living, does not define the real you ! In fact, one of my best mates years ago, used to be a "Night soil carter", when outside dunnys was all there was ! You could not wish to meet a nicer bloke ! I would rather have him as a friend than some of the other sanctimonious, self righteous b**tards, in better jobs ! Example : Politicians !

[roy2cebu]

Hi Candyman, I'm with you all the way. Well back in this topic I have supported bargirls against the negativity....won't go on any more about it...just hope God blesses them and they get their true rewards at end of it all.They are someone's daughter and should be protected and adored by their parents.

[Jake]

To her credit, she has raised her two little kids, and put all her sisters and brothers through school. The sacrifices she has made, just so the others could survive, and thrive, is truly amazing, and unbelievable to most westerners, but this girl in particular, I have a strong admiration for, and I am proud to call her my friend. She just does not want her sisters or her daughter to do what she has had to do, just to survive. I must add here that it was a lot of coercion on the part of the father, that forced her into this line of work in the first place, and I, myself, could never see myself doing this sort of thing to one of my own daughters, but it happens all the time in the Philippines. Mostly all they need is a chance. A chance in life that a lot of us westerners just take for granted, just simply does not exist in the Philippines. Who can blame them from wanting to better their lot in life? With typical Filippino determination, and attitude.....That is an attribute deeply ingrained in them.... They are absolutely no different from any other girl. You will find good and bad in all sorts of professions and jobs, and quite simply whatever you do for a living, does not define the real you ! In fact, one of my best mates years ago, used to be a "Night soil carter", when outside dunnys was all there was ! You could not wish to meet a nicer bloke ! I would rather have him as a friend than some of the other sanctimonious, self righteous b**tards, in better jobs ! Example : Politicians !

Hello Candyman, Please forgive me for dissecting your comments above -- it allows me to formulate my train of thoughts. For the benefit of the new members, we really appreciate your "boots on the ground" perspective of everyday hardship of the many Filipinas that really did not have a choice in life. As soon as some of them acquired an understanding of their immediate surroundings as toddlers, their life was set in stone. You know as well as I do that some of those surroundings are: no roof or roof made of cardboardor nipa hut construction; as toddlers, they may be orphaned, abandoned to the streets being carriedby older siblings begging for scraps of food; young children who are verbally and physically abusedby either their own family or working as a young and helpless maid or labandera (washing clothes).And last but not least, sold to the highest bidder because she was young and pretty and possiblypregnant or already a mother at age 16. What would you do in her shoes (if she had any)? Rightfully so, Candyman mentioned the "Filipinodetermination and attitude" in order to survive on a daily basis. Perhaps some are in extreme direstraits by the minute because of chronic and long term illness. I will never, ever forget the sad image of a Lola escorting her young grand daughter as they made their rounds in various night clubs in Olongapo. The grand mother wept silently in a dark corner, as she watch her pride and joy dancenaked to the cheering crowd of drunken sailors and marines. And yet, the resiliency of the Filipina in general is a tribute to their strong heart to be humble andgenerous. As Boss Man mentioned many times before, please try to understand these youngladies (and boys) who were forced to live a hopeless life that began at the early stages of theirexistence. In the core of my innermost strength, I don't think I would have the courage to endure such a life of desperation. Respectfully -- JakePS -- international forums such as this, has enriched my understanding of the many different slangs or words like"Night soil carters" and "Dunnys". Very interesting indeed. Thank you Candyman!

[Candyman]

Jake, you hit the nail right on the head ! It is so true, and just so, so sad, to see this sort of thing every day in the Philippines ! We are all spoiled in western countries, and except for some very rare occurrences, we never see this side of life in first world countries ! I have been hungry and broke a few times in my life, but not day after day, and on such a large scale as you see in the Philippines ! I remember the first time I ever went to the Philippines in February of 1998, over thirteen years now, when I first stepped foot in Manila. I saw whole families, Mama, Papa, and half a dozen kids, living in cardboard boxes on the footpaths, some of them right up to the wall of Robinson's mall. That area has since been extended and built around, and these people have since moved on to another location, but probably no better existance ! Numerous families are still living on the streets in the Ermita and malate area today. In fact one family lives on a couple of sheets of cardboard in Mabini Street, alongside the BPI Bank, and directly across the road from the Santos Pension house, where we stayed, for over a week last time we were there in 2009. Santos Pension House also has a small cafe alongside it where we always ate, the food was good and cheap as well, but we always made it a habit to buy a bit more than what we wanted, and we made firm friends with the waiter boy (Jack), a young red headed Pinoy, who also became a great mate of my son ! Anyway, at the end of each meal, we instructed Jack to take the "leftovers" (some of it was not so much leftovers, because some dishes were just not touched for this reason), over to the family on the corner. The first time we did it, we watched at the table inside the cafe, as he gave the lady the food. i will never forget the look of astonishment, then appreciation, as she realized a total stranger had given her and her family, probably the first decent feed they had had, in God Only knows how long ! We continued doing this, right throughout the duration of our stay, and it was not until the last couple of days, that that family worked out, who was passing on the food. The day we left there, Jack said to us, that we had started something good, and even though his boss frowned on encouraging beggars, around the cafe, he promised that any substantial leftovers, from other customers, would go to this family, while his boss's back was turned ! They had five little kids, and the oldest would have been no older than 5 or 6 years old. This was in 2009. In 1998 when I first married my wife Lyn, in Manila, it was worse. There were far more poor people living on the streets then, with no shelter, no food, and no hope, of ever getting anywhere better. At least a little bit of progress has been made in recent years, but there is still a long long way to go ! From Manila, we sailed to Cebu City on the Superferry, and that was my first introduction to Lyn's family. I knew they were poor, even by anyones standards, but it was still somewhat of a shock, to see just how poor they really are. They live in a very small house in Mambaling Alaska, within spitting distance of the Bombo Radio tower, right smack bang in one of the poorest areas of Cebu City. At that time, they had a very small Nippa hut, bamboo floors and walls, and rusty corrugated iron roof, that had more holes in it than iron ! It was about 18 feet long and ten or twelve feet wide, The whole family lived there, mama, Papa, five grown kids and a couple of babies, all lived in that one small room. Cooking was done outside, and so was the Filipino style shower and toilet. These were the days before bombo Radio built the eight feet high wall around the tower, and separated the squatters form it. Since they built the wall, they also took roughly forty feet of land, where our shower and toilet once stood. that is now all gone, and the house they have now, is a smaller ground area, but now two stories high. me and my wife have rebuilt that house three times so far. The first time, was when the bombo Radio wall went up, and it was more or less a slap up affair, but kept them dry,when it rained, and for the first time ever, they had an indoor bathroom and toilet ! The second time we totally rebuilt it and added a second floor to it, after it, and over five hundred other houses were destroyed by fire. The third time was not so much of a rebuild, but we had to redesign it, refloor it, and add a bit on the top story after floods. I degress a bit here, but this is to give you a picture of where they live, and their surroundings, so please bear with me and I will get back on topic. There is no easy way to describe everything without having some sort of picture in your mind, from where I am coming from. Their house is reached by a very narrow alley, barely four feet wide, and with an open stinking gutter on one side of it perhaps eighteen inches wide, and full of stagnant, putrid water. How, there is not more disease there, i will never know ! Houses have again sprang up either side since the fire, but Mama's entrance is still narrow, about five feet wide, I'd say, and opens up in the back. They would have had the other small room at the front as well, but early in the piece they had to sell that bit, to help build the original place after the bombo Radio wall went up. From the first time I stepped into their humble home, in 1998, I was welcomed with open arms, by each and every one of them. Papa had even learnt a few words of English, just so as he could talk to me, even though he was extremely shy, but I appreciated his efforts to impress me. Both Mama and Papa, are just two years older than me, and I married their eldest daughter, who had been working away from the family since she was twelve years old. In fact, her very first job, was with Ping Lacson, now Senator Lacson. She worked for him and Alice for over six years before going to Singapore as a domestic helper, where I met her, but that is another story. She gained most of her English skills, and schooling off Ping and Alice while she worked for them, and both Lyn and I are very grateful, for what they did for her in her formative years. She was one of the lucky ones ! Mama, and Papa, were somewhat "shy" (I can't say ashamed, because it is just not the right word), but, they were shy, that I would want to stay with them in their humble home, rather than go to a more comfortable hotel or pension house ! That is just not my style ! They were then, and still are now, my family as well as my wife's ! Looking back on things, maybe that did rate me some brownie points with them right from the word go, but that just was not my intention. In fact, there little home, was better by a mile than what I had been used to living on the Opal Fields of Glengarry (54 miles south west of lightning Ridge in NSW). I lived for over three years in little more than an old six by six tent, and a few sheets of corrugated iron. That was my home, so i was used to 'roughing it" Anyway, bearing all this in mind to get back to the topic, Papa worked as a baker, but his wages were dependant on what he cooked and sold. Some days he might only make fifty pesos, other days maybe two hundred. one other daughter had a part time job babysitting for a few pesos, and another earnt 100 pesos a day, working ten hours at a "Big Mac" stall. The others except Amy, were still going to school. Amy is the dark horse of the family, and she had a little baby to some boyfriend who also lived with them. he was shot and killed a couple of years later. The baby is now 14 and a bit and a beautiful well mannered young lady. After the boyfriend was shot, I am pretty certain that Amy did a fair stint as a bargirl, but that is just not talked about in the family, but I am still very very suspicious, just in the way she acts, and some of theings that she has since done. In fact, my wife would not even talk to her for about eight years, but I was able to broker a peace between them last trip, which although it is far fromn a good relationship between them, at least they do talk now ! Many many young girls, and Ladies work as bargirls from around this area. In fact I took Lyn, a couple of her sisters, and a friend, her brother, and the girl that was teaching me Bisayan while I was there last time, to a club called Egypt , (since been raided, closed down and reopened under the name of Pharoah's Den in Mandaue), one Saturday nighjt, because they used to get terrific live bands from all over the Philippines to play at this venue, and it was always a great night ! This was the first time Mido (My Bisayan tutor), had ever been allowed out of a night, and the very first bikini bar she had ever gone too. These ladies and gents, just do not have the money to go to any of these sorts of places, ordinarily, so it was a treat for them ! That night, we met up with no less than three different girls, (Bargirls), that were in fact our neighbours at mambaling Alaska ! Each one of them pleaded with us not to let on to their families that we knew where they worked. Of course none of us would say a word to anyone, but the point, I suppose I am trying to make, is, any girl could have been a bargirl, could be your neighbour next door, such as this case, or she could be singing in the Church Choir on Sunday morning, for all you know, because most of them just do not have "Bargirl" tattooed across their foreheads ! Sorry my post was a bit long and rambling, so Mods, if you wish to move this post, or split it into different topics, then please feel free to do so ! I should have some old photos of the family home in Mambaling, and the areas surrounding it, that I might add to this post ;later, if anyone is interested to see how the other side live !

[Jake]

Hey Candyman, Excellent post sir! Boss Man likes these types of stories of a typical street level description of families living on the edge of poverty. Again, I would never possess such courage tocontinue a life of desperation. And yet, the young Filipina has the heart of gold. Well done sir -- Jake

[Candyman]

Hey Candyman, Excellent post sir! Boss Man likes these types of stories of a typical street level descriptionof families living on the edge of poverty. Again, I would never possess such courage tocontinue a life of desperation. And yet, the young Filipina has the heart of gold. Well done sir -- Jake

Thankyou Jake ! Yes, the resilience of the Philippine people absolutely amaze me at times too ! They are true masters of 'making silk purses out of sow's ears" ! Their making do with what they have got, and treasuring what little possesions they have, and adapting some things that we call junk, is truly amazing ! I can safely say, out of all the Pinays and Pinoys I know, this trait seems to be deeply ingrained. They really do have a heart of gold, and not only in their home country either ! There is a fair sized Filipina community around where I live now, and this "heart of Gold" trait is in each and every one of them ! Marrying one, was by far the best thing I have ever done ! My one regret, is that I never discovered the beauty of the Philippines decades earlier !