i am bob Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 I'm not saying a person has to participate on all the local customs and events... I'm saying we should try to be a member of the community - at least to our families and neighbors. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jpbago Posted October 22, 2014 Author Posted October 22, 2014 I'm not saying a person has to participate on all the local customs and events... I'm saying we should try to be a member of the community - at least to our families and neighbors. I agree. If not, the expat will be removed so that his wife can be a member of the community. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RBM Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 i think its our resonsibility to fit in with local customs i will be participating in everything to keep my wife happy and her family. I give my wife 34,400 pesos a month for her family, and my wife decides who it goes to. I also give my wife 8600 pesos a month for a family emergency fund they they have not touched it now for two years. They know not to ask me for loans or extra money for anything. I do go to all parties and gatherings but wife handles the money issues out of her family money, she plans well. Thats why i dont see how its possible to live on $1,000 a month , with the expected and deserved help to the family , i mean we did marry their child. WE OWE Poker Mike I find this philosophy interesting to say the least. We married their child so we owe them.... I with respect to the poster could not disagree more strongly. Why on earth would I owe my parent in laws, rich or poor because I married their daughter.. If they are decent people and need help, especially medical and I am able to help sure. But forums are full of ex pats being taken advantage of. I feel zero obligation to gift my hard earned savings to my in laws. Hope some more feed back on this subject. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeB Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I with respect to the poster could not disagree more strongly. Why on earth would I owe my parent in laws, rich or poor because I married their daughter.. I wasn't going to comment but I think it's one of the strangest things I've read on forums. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Peterson Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 If they are decent people and need help, especially medical and I am able to help sure. But forums are full of ex pats being taken advantage of. I feel zero obligation to gift my hard earned savings to my in laws. Help is one thing, these ever mounting hand outs are a totally different story. I don't mean to offend but sometimes things just have to be said. Bob makes a good point about those that moan are those that just want to live a foreign life here, What I feel, is that Statements like this; Thats why i dont see how its possible to live on $1,000 a month , with the expected and deserved help to the family , i mean we did marry their child. WE OWE. Are made by people who do not live here full time 24/7 and get the both Barreled expectations of the Extended family. It is all very easy when you are here for 2/3/4/5/6 months at a Time or even just the Extended Vacation as most of us started out Doing. I have heard from many ( me included) how wonderful the family is, then it changes, they then become wanting every 5 mins, OH! some say the family have Changed, NO! we have. The longer we are here the more we see things as they really are. The family will never change. To these members wearing the Rose Coloured Glasses. I say, you may have got over the Initial culture Shock, but when you eventually Retire here Full time, get ready for the real Culture Reality Check. Love them all the death but I will not let them be the death of Me and sorry to say. If you let them it may just be that way. If they cared half as much about us as we care about them, we would all be very happy. I am A very Happily married man Who, does it his way and holds others at Bay! I Listened, to what others said. It did not take too long to realize that What longer standing foreigners here are saying, we should be listening to JP :tiphat: :morning1: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokermike Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 i cant get behind the way many forum members think. In some cultures to marry a young women you must give gifts to the family many of great value. Just look at your woman right now. Tell me would you have a chance in the states or the UK, Aus or Germany and think you could be with a woman that looks so good and treats you so nice. Then add in you are probably at least 25 years older than her and maybe 47 years older like me. Give me a break you owe the family a lot , its us who are the scammers we dont deserve a woman like this, without owing a lot to the family. Then my favorite fact what happens if you passed tomorrow do you have your woman set up so she can live when you die , maybe that talked about $1,000 a month to live on like i hear about. If you cant do that you do not deserve your wife. I have several freinds who live there full time and they have their wifes set up. If something happens to them and of course of natural causes they will live well. I am not going there to live a foreign life but if i was would my wife get my estate when i pass on or a portion of it ? Too many scammers are moving there and taking advantage of these young women and their families. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeB Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I have several freinds who live there full time and they have their wifes set up. Setting up the wife is one thing. Setting up the wife's family quite another. But, of course, it is your money. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokermike Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I am talking about setting up your wife, if she helps her family when you are gone that will be her choice. i think some guys move there so they dont have to do things that are just plain fair. I think we should just give the family dowery or a allowance every month based on what you can afford. If you cant afford $300 a month you should not even be there. thats my feelings. Many countries require a minimum monthly income to retire in order to have an extended stay. I would bet that soon the Philippines will follow suit and i bet it wont be $1,000 , i would bet its going to be over $2,000. So we move there and try to save $200 a month after our budget and of course we put a $100 of that in the wifes account. No wait i forgot we dont follow western standards we just keep all the money and give them the crumbs. Please we are so iucky to have met our women there, you owe the in laws and anybody who cared for her to put you in this postion, because without that you could go back home and find someone just like her because we are all so sexy and young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Peterson Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Many countries require a minimum monthly income to retire in order to have an extended stay. I would bet that soon the Philippines will follow suit and i bet it wont be $1,000 Sir, you need to do some homework before you make sweeping statements like this. I mean just what is your point. Many Countries and the Whole of Europe have already done the requirement thing on SS Agreements. Unfortunately, the US or Aus has yet to have this Agreement.This is a great Shame as it really would solve some of the problems we read about. So maybe you could tell us what you are driving at here? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
komments Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 It's one thing to be generous with your money. That is every person's prerogative. It is quite another thing to have it be demanded, or even expected. I have loaned money to friends and family. I've found that these loans rarely get repaid and when they do there is often resentment. So I stopped loaning money and decided to just give it without expectation of repayment. But I can also say, I would be a lot less likely to help someone who expected me to than someone who hated asking. As to this concept of you owe the extended family anything - that is just nuts. In most cases the girls you are marrying WANT TO MARRY YOU. There are many reasons; out of poverty; won't cheat; are less demanding; will provide for her child (better life). Marriage should always benefit both parties. I think those like PM who are very generous should be commended. I just think the expectation that this money is owed is a false premise. And to equate it to a dowry is nuts. Generally, at least historically, the dowry was paid to arrange a marriage that raised the status of the family paying the dowry. At least from a financial POV the kano (did I use that term correctly) would be the one receiving the dowry. All that said, developing good relationships with your in-laws is very helpful in creating a harmonious marriage. Happy wife, happy life. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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