Finding The Right Filipina Part 2

[Methersgate]

Try these three steps:

1. During dinner, wait for a pause in the conversation.
2. Say, "I know there are so many things we could talk about right now, but I want to know something. If I were to ask you, 'What's important to you, right now?', what might you say?" SHUT UP and listen.
3. Listen to her answer, and repeat back the key points, in the order she said them.

This is an amazing way to deepen rapport. By giving her permission to answer you any way she likes (If I were to ask you, 'What's important to you, right now', what might you say?), she can just speak her mind. By waiting until she finishes, and summarizing what she said, you send the message that you know and understand her.

 

Enjoy dessert!

animal-the-muppets.jpg

 

OK. I did that.

 

She answered in a single word "Kieran".

 

Her seven year old son.

 

She should get a Gold Star for consistency, as some years ago when we were first dating we had the following conversation:

 

"You are a very beautiful woman"

"Yes, I know"

"I am old enough to be your father!"

"So what?"

"So what do you see in me?"

"Good stepfather!" 

 

Kieran was two at the time. 

[Vince Runza]

See? You do know and understand her. More importantly, she knows that, too.

[Jack Peterson]

See? You do know and understand her. More importantly, she knows that, too.

 

 

 Yes Vince but he ( Andrew) is not a newcomer to here or to Asia in General. Sometimes we can Preach to the Choir and not the Congregation EH?

[Vince Runza]

 

See? You do know and understand her. More importantly, she knows that, too.

 

 

 Yes Vince but he ( Andrew) is not a newcomer to here or to Asia in General. Sometimes we can Preach to the Choir and not the Congregation EH?

 

Jack, you must have missed it. He asked a specific question about a specific situation. My answer was relevant to that, not 'schooling' him. Understand? Start reading here: http://www.philippines-expats.com/topic/23801-finding-the-right-filipina-part-2/?p=167068

Edited December 18, 2015 by Vince Runza

[Jack Peterson]

 

 

See? You do know and understand her. More importantly, she knows that, too.

 

 

 Yes Vince but he ( Andrew) is not a newcomer to here or to Asia in General. Sometimes we can Preach to the Choir and not the Congregation EH?

 

Jack, you must have missed it. He asked a specific question about a specific situation. My answer was relevant to that, not 'schooling' him. Understand?

 

NOPE please explain

[Vince Runza]

http://www.philippines-expats.com/topic/23801-finding-the-right-filipina-part-2/?p=167068

[Methersgate]

Jack, Vince is quite right - I asked his advice on a specific point and he very kindly gave it.

 

K's answer is nice and clear and consistent - and honest. She never wanted to have children, but she had an "accident". She decided then and there to be the best mother to her boy that she could be. She is utterly contemptuous of Filipinas who dump their kids on their mothers. She  is marrying me to give her son the best future that she can give him. Her part of the deal is to be a good wife to me. The fact that we get on very well together is nice, but it is not the heart of the matter.

 

Of course my ego would be stroked if she told me that she is madly in love with me, but I would be a fool to believe that a very pretty and clever young woman could not find someone nearer her own age to fall in love with.

 

She is great company, a good cook (a bonus!) and if we walk down the street arm in arm the women go green and men's tongues hang out (she is well aware of this and plays up to it) which strokes my ego just as well.  

 

Edited to add:

 

I like sailing, motorcycling, camping and scrambling up the odd mountain. Experience suggests that K is "a good man to go into the jungle with". Coming down Mount Kanlaon last December she twisted her ankle, and did the last six thousand feet down with a stick - never a squeak or a word of complaint.   

 

So maybe I got the right Filipina for me!

Edited December 18, 2015 by Methersgate

[Jack Peterson]

 

 

See? You do know and understand her. More importantly, she knows that, too.

 

 

 Yes Vince but he ( Andrew) is not a newcomer to here or to Asia in General. Sometimes we can Preach to the Choir and not the Congregation EH?

 

Jack, you must have missed it. He asked a specific question about a specific situation. My answer was relevant to that, not 'schooling' him. Understand? Start reading here: http://www.philippines-expats.com/topic/23801-finding-the-right-filipina-part-2/?p=167068

 

Asked and answered but never talk down to me like a First Grader and change your answers again OK?

[Vince Runza]

Asked and answered but never talk down to me like a First Grader and change your answers again OK?

Do get over yourself. This isn't the first time you've either tried to hijack a thread or demonstrated you did not understand the context. I have to mark your report card 'Does not play well with others'.

 

EDIT ( :p ) Definitely, get over yourself.

Edited December 18, 2015 by Vince Runza

[Methersgate]

Children! Play nicely!

 

You are both good friends of mine here and I am sure you both get the point of my posting.

 

K is  very honest - including being ruthlessly honest with herself. It is what marked her out to me* as someone I wanted to know better in the first place.

 

* OK. Along with the legs, the cheekbones, the sense of humour, etc. See, I can be honest, too! :cheersty: