Negative Vibes

[davewe]

 

 

Great point, Jack. I've often used the analogy of me and my buddies hanging out in our local dive back in the US, and some guy pulls in with a Mercedes. We are all average Joe's and he walks in with a suit and nice car. What would we do? We would want to see what he is all about. We wouldn't hate him immediately, and we would certainly give him a chance to prove himself. The difference is that I'm rarely granted that small level of respect here.

 

I don't see it as racist at all - just the crab mentality.  They treat other Filipinos the same way.From my (albeit limited) experience I don't see it as much in the wealthier Filipinos, mostly in the poor. Not all, certainly, but enough.  Instead of being inspired by other's success they are jealous and vindictive.  Seems to be what they are taught.   I just try and ignore it.

 

That's definitely a better handle on it, Tim.  But there's an aspect of the culture here that treats foreigners differently.   Almost a sociopathic mentality that's hard to adjust to.   Am I her husband....or her foreigner husband?   It's a big difference to them, and obviously the media as well.  I can speak bisaya ok and understand enough to know I'm not really welcome here unless I spend money.  I'm probably slow to adapt to it all, and a bit naive, but that's how I see it.     :cheersty:   

 

Of course you are her "foreigner husband." And BTW, if you lived here in the US she would be your "Asian wife" (cause most Americans can't distinguish) or in my case "young Asian wife." I don't want to come off as overly cynical or negative but you have to realize this dynamic exists everywhere. As we get older we come to realize that if you have a small handful (or less) of genuine friends/relatives who care about you, that's all you can expect; in fact if you have that you are lucky. Everyone else - stop worrying about.

 

That being said I find most Filipinos to be genuinely friendly, warm and curious. But expecting them to respect or care about me - I am not that naive.

[Richieboy67]

Well said Dave!

I stopped worrying about extended family and strangers respecting me months ago. I focus on my wife and immediate family and friends. The rest.. It is up to them what they want to think of me. I don't care.

[Jack Peterson]

Well said Dave!

I stopped worrying about extended family and strangers respecting me months ago. I focus on my wife and immediate family and friends. The rest.. It is up to them what they want to think of me. I don't care.

Sometimes it is the only way to be. Our sanity and bank accounts are the important things.

I look at it this way, I know where they are IF I ever needed THEM!

 

Jack :unsure:

[Richieboy67]

Yes, so true Jack.

A relative lends money to someone else and then is short on money so wants to borrow from us to be paid back when the person that owes them pays them back. No thanks. Would it buy respect? I don't think so.

[Jack Peterson]

 Why, Oh Why oh Why? must our loved ones in a fluster cos Mama is coming for fiesta Dinner and help has gone home for Fiesta?, Try and do 2 jobs, both badly instead of doing one Job,Properly. 

 Me? Sent to our Room, as I am just in the way  :hystery:

 

Jack  :lol:

[Thomas]

Could the jealousy of the Filipinos be an age related happening? Are the younger men and women more jealous or do they demonstrate it more than others/older? Or could it be more gender related? More men seem to be jealous than women? Could it be educationally related? Would you guess more of the ones who appear to do it are college educated or are most of them most likely uneducated. I suppose most of the citizens in Phil are high school educated, so this is probably a moot point.

I believe it's economy related. The most jelous are the high and middle class being jelous at them, who have more than them  :hystery:

(PARTLY joking. Of course poor want to have enough to not need to worry how to survive and afford any motorbike, but in average I find people WITH assets, bothering MORE about geting more things NOT realy needed.)

I'm friendly to everyone, but we foreigners are held to different standards.

Well. It's common villagers see even Filipinos from an other village/island like that.

It's similar in our home countries, perhaps some less nowadays when more people have transports and move around.

From a "western" village:

-Why are you hold me distant as you do?

-You are an outsider.

-But I moved here 7 years ago,

-As I said, you are an outsider...

:lol:

I suppouse being allowed to integrate are different hard in different places, depending of how used the origin locals are with it, and what experences they have from people who moved there earlier.

To some places in WESTERN countries they say people from SAME ethnicity need 2 GENERATIONS to be counted as belonging there...

I believe Filipinos are MORE FRIENDLY than many locals in our home countries   :)

I've often used the analogy of me and my buddies hanging out in our local dive back in the US, and some guy pulls in with a Mercedes. We are all average Joe's and he walks in with a suit and nice car. What would we do? We would want to see what he is all about. We wouldn't hate him immediately, and we would certainly give him a chance to prove himself.

Realy? I haven't been there but several Americans say American villagers haven't given them a chance.

 

Lary have you lived in the same place the whole time? Perhaps you should move to another nearby area. 

Better faaaar away from people   :)

 

(I looked at a forest with own sand beach for sale for litle per hektar for being a beach. Very tempting, but no road within affordable distance to conect to. So it can be to remote even for me  :mocking:     I don't like when the only conection is by ocean because sometimes it's high waves. Better if kids can bike to school a km or so away themselves.)

[Larry45]

 

 

 

Great point, Jack. I've often used the analogy of me and my buddies hanging out in our local dive back in the US, and some guy pulls in with a Mercedes. We are all average Joe's and he walks in with a suit and nice car. What would we do? We would want to see what he is all about. We wouldn't hate him immediately, and we would certainly give him a chance to prove himself. The difference is that I'm rarely granted that small level of respect here.

 

I don't see it as racist at all - just the crab mentality.  They treat other Filipinos the same way.From my (albeit limited) experience I don't see it as much in the wealthier Filipinos, mostly in the poor. Not all, certainly, but enough.  Instead of being inspired by other's success they are jealous and vindictive.  Seems to be what they are taught.   I just try and ignore it.

 

That's definitely a better handle on it, Tim.  But there's an aspect of the culture here that treats foreigners differently.   Almost a sociopathic mentality that's hard to adjust to.   Am I her husband....or her foreigner husband?   It's a big difference to them, and obviously the media as well.  I can speak bisaya ok and understand enough to know I'm not really welcome here unless I spend money.  I'm probably slow to adapt to it all, and a bit naive, but that's how I see it.     :cheersty:   

 

Of course you are her "foreigner husband." And BTW, if you lived here in the US she would be your "Asian wife" (cause most Americans can't distinguish) or in my case "young Asian wife." I don't want to come off as overly cynical or negative but you have to realize this dynamic exists everywhere. As we get older we come to realize that if you have a small handful (or less) of genuine friends/relatives who care about you, that's all you can expect; in fact if you have that you are lucky. Everyone else - stop worrying about.

 

That being said I find most Filipinos to be genuinely friendly, warm and curious. But expecting them to respect or care about me - I am not that naive.

 

Back from a few days in Cebu to decompress....I get along so much better with the locals there.  They have lives and jobs, and could give two fecks about a guy like me being there.  Much different from the crabs in the province.  And you're not cynical, Dave....just a little biased, and there's nothing wrong with that.  My wife and her family "get it" that she married a guy for love, but it's impossible to explain that to everyone else.  Why do I care about them?  Because my wife and her family do.  Filipinos are silly like that.  

 

And I agree that respect is earned, Ron.   But honestly, I couldn't care less if the locals here respect me.  Why would they?  I don't benefit them.   It's just tiring to constantly be disrespected for no reason other than I'm a foreigner that is no use to them.  The Phils is an attractive country to most expats because one can buy 'love', 'friends', and 'respect'.  It's all for sale here, and the price is cheap.  Makes one appreciate the few Filipinos with true pride and dignity, who have respect for others, and cannot be bought   :cheersty:    

[Jack Peterson]

  It's just tiring to constantly be disrespected for no reason other than I'm a foreigner

 

 I recently had a conversation with a former Filipino Colleague  in Gibraltar ( Wishing him  a happy Birthday) he was telling me that another of my former colleagues had  complained to the Authorities that he had been Disrespected to a level (as he put it apparently) of Racism,

Now I know this guy and I thought  he is one of the most respectful of people I have ever met but according to my Younger friend & colleague, he felt that as a foreigner there, the older one  should have been shown more respect. by the Gibraltar Locals.

Confusing to say the least but I have to agree that sometimes the Locals here do not walk the two way street. 

In fact, they seem to want it all their way as it is their Country yet forgetting, they too can be the Foreigner sometimes.

 

Just saying.

 

Jack :tiphat:

[Methersgate]

Interesting points there.

 

K and I have just gone from "foreigner boyfriend" in the Philippines, to "young Asian girlfriend" in the UK.

 

In the province, there isn't any doubt that I am "Kaye's foreigner". I may be quite a nice foreigner, polite and respectful to her parents (who are very nice people) etc but I have a limited amount in common with rice farmers, so conversation with their neighbours is limited. She is most definitely the target of crab type comments, the gist of which is of course that she is after my money and must have met me by working in a girlie bar.   

 

In Subic we are seen as a normal Subic type couple. No pressure on either of us.  In Metro Manila the pressure is on K again but in a different form, as I have a circle of Filipino friends who hold down high powered jobs and she has to keep her side of a conversation going. 

 

In the UK, it is too soon to tell but if it fails it won't be from lack of effort on K's part. She is making the most stupendous effort to learn things, to talk to locals, to dress like a local (just more stylishly!) and generally to "fit in".

Edited November 25, 2015 by Methersgate

[RonHenk]

It's just tiring to constantly be disrespected for no reason other than I'm a foreigner that is no use to them.

 

WOW! Have you talked to your wife about how you Truly feel? As others have said. Is relocating an option? Somewhere where you Both can feel comfortable? I personally have not experienced the type of treatment that you described, but it's obviously uncomfortable for you. Weigh the options that are best for you and your wife, but most important, for your beautiful child. Your discomfort may have a profound effect on her. She can sense it. Believe me.

 

Ron