Meeting Her And Her Family For The First Time

[earthdome]

Thanks Mike S & Jack.

[Curley]

Don't this mean it was YOU, who had to big expectations? You wrote earlier yourself cultural differences, and now you say she was shy but wanted more. Asians don't normaly hug similar to how we kanos do. Perhaps she suit you, but you expected her to SHOW more love to fast?

We have chatted since my return. We both had expectations and we both had disappointments. I now know there were things culturally that I did not pick up on while I was there which disappointed her.

For example, when we traveled together, I am used to eating 3 meals a day. She is used to eating 5-6 times a day. So she was disappointed that I was not offering her food often enough but was too shy to tell me.

I also think there was a power/control dynamic going on. She is proud, like her family, but since graduating from college has not been able to get a job, is dependent on the family and has no money of her own. I don't think she liked being dependent on me to buy everything when we were traveling together and was too shy to ask when she had needs. She felt she had no control because she had no money of her own to spend.

Yes, you may be right, that I expected too much from the relationship too fast. From chat, I knew not to expect some quick steamy love affair. But I did expect that she would show some small signs of affection. I didn't see any. Maybe I just missed them because of the cultural differences. No doubt I have many things to learn about dating and relationships in the Philippines.

I too have noticed how Fillipinas expect everything to go the way they expect, the culture doesn't seem to have grasped that there is more than one way to skin a cat. Just look on any dating site and you'll find "must accept me as I am" "know how to treat a woman" "respect a woman" yet very rarely will you find profiles detailing what they will do for their man or how they are willing to learn new ways or improve themselves. Ah well...... nothing will change till we stop chasing them............ and that's not likely to happen for a long, long time

[GregZ]

For example, when we traveled together, I am used to eating 3 meals a day. She is used to eating 5-6 times a day. So she was disappointed that I was not offering her food often enough but was too shy to tell me.

This one for me fell into the category of "Your Country, You're In Charge". I agree with the suggestion to give the girl money to take care of incidentals when traveling. Worked good for me as I learned a lot and did not worry about a lot of little things. Then the first time we left the country together I took care of EVERYTHING since it wasn't her country anymore (to let her know I DO know how to take care of EVERYTHING).

Best of luck no matter where you do from here.

[i am bob]

I too am one of the hopeless romantics hoping that the two of you might find being together is still not only possible but the way things were mean to be. Once you spoke of how you two had talked about what went wrong, I could hear this little thing telling me that you aren't done with her just yet. And talking about these things together just might be the one thing that you both need... Look at your first meeting as a learning experience... A trial by error... She was looking more for the English gentleman? Show her just how much better than that you are. She was too shy to tell you what she needed during your trip? Keep asking her if there is anything she wants... anything you can do for her... Hungry? Thirsty? Would she like a massage? Gentlemanly massage of course! But vocalize! Maybe not having the perfect first meeting is the best thing that could ever happen for the two of you!!! Of course, as always, the ball is in your court...

[Curley]

I too am one of the hopeless romantics hoping that the two of you might find being together is still not only possible but the way things were mean to be. Once you spoke of how you two had talked about what went wrong, I could hear this little thing telling me that you aren't done with her just yet. And talking about these things together just might be the one thing that you both need... Look at your first meeting as a learning experience... A trial by error... She was looking more for the English gentleman? Show her just how much better than that you are. She was too shy to tell you what she needed during your trip? Keep asking her if there is anything she wants... anything you can do for her... Hungry? Thirsty? Would she like a massage? Gentlemanly massage of course! But vocalize! Maybe not having the perfect first meeting is the best thing that could ever happen for the two of you!!! Of course, as always, the ball is in your court...

Start as you mean to go on perhaps?

[Ashanti]

thanks for the update earthdome .............

Im at work at the moment and rather tied up but i will make an effort to post a comment later. got to dash .......

cheers!

Ashanti

[nor cal mike]

Earthdome, I am impressed with your ability to see clearly where the difficulties lie, and

I join in with others here who think "it's not over till it's over".

When my wife and I first met, she was very shy and reluctant to say what was on her mind.

After 12 years she still remains reluctant at times even though I encourage her to speak

freely. I think this is because she was raised to be a good wife foremost and this to her means

to follow the ways and thoughts of her husband. Although, she will often let me know in her own

loving, gentle and caring way if I should reconsider certain issues. One thing I have learned from

friends of mine and from my own experience is that Filipinas are very sensative and because

of this sensativity need to be treated as very fragile. Believe me, this can be a very endearing

quality. I have learned to treat my wife as the blessing she is in my life.

It seems that you have met a lady with very traditional values, so hopefully the two of you can

overcome your differences and move forward.

[i am bob]

I hope you don't mind us passing on our beliefs from the way you wrote your posts... We can only read between the lines but matters of the heart always fall outside the lines... I know that I will respect your decision no matter which you decide. Good luck my friend!

[earthdome]

thanks for the update earthdome .............

Im at work at the moment and rather tied up but i will make an effort to post a comment later. got to dash .......

cheers!

Ashanti

I look forward to your comments Ashanti. A filipina lady's view of events would help immensely.

[Thomas]

Yes, you may be right, that I expected too much from the relationship too fast.

It's a very common misstake trying to hurry such things to much. In "kano countries" too, but in traditional families in the Philippines it's extra important to take it slow. It's similar to how it was in "kano countries" 100 years ago. But less difference in Filipin big cities than in rural where it's more common with traditional behaviour. Even IF the Filipina would want to speed things up, it would be seen as bad behaviour by other traditional Filipin people.

I don't know if your personalities suits. Even two different perfect personalities, sometimes don't suit to marry each other, because different personalities need different "complements". But it seem your relation is worth checking more if it can end up good.