The Older Older Man

[Jack Peterson]

Jack and I are of one mind on this issue.

 

Well I am glad that someone actually Understands me because there are issues that get to me and this one of them

I have people every month crying on my Shoulder over these things and all I can say is " I told you so" but do they listen NAH! I know Best

 Bin there done that and now have settled for the best and I am not about to Ruin it. just Hope that others Mistakes can make a Difference to many, Sure Go with the Flow But Learn to say Hey! OK now lets think and talk about this a little more.

I apologize to those who think I am Harsh but I learned the hard way, there is no need for them to 

 

Jack :)

[stevewool]

Some great response boys and i must agree with what jack has said.

I am the eldest of a little group of friends who have young Filipino wives .

Being 56 and my Ems being 40 this year I think we blend in very well here in the UK but we still get the stares and snigles .

I don't think I could cope with a younger on my arm here in the UK.

But each to the own

[Methersgate]

Jack,

I see it just the other way round. The Philipines is full of young studs with nothing to do except spend their days in the gym and the basketball court and try their luck with the wives and girlfriends ot absentee foreigners and (much larger numbers) Filipino OFWs.

I would even say - where there is a pretty young Filipina with an absent or an elderly husband - expect to find a "sideline". The Philippines is a culture in which infidelity is extremely common. Much less so, here in Britain. K and I been an "item" over 8,000 miles for almost five years, and if she had wanted to try her luck with many of the well known "studs" in the Phils movie business, she could have done. In fact she became "notoriously UN-available"

Here is a photo of my girlfriend with the Philippines' current hottest male star,Jake Cuenca, taken at 2.30 am:



(A lot of filming is done in the middle of the night when people are not about - this is NAIA T3...)

I think the problem is a different one - the foreigner is "exotic" and "rich" in the Philippines but in his own country he is nothing special. That is a huge disappointment to a girl who has revelled in the "face" that she has gained through her foreigner, at home.

The challenge is to stay interesting.

I arrived in the UK after 5 years in China with my Filipina ex wife (16 years younger than me) and we were pretty happy until she left me, six years ago, after we had been here for ten years, and I know exactly why she did that - it was not what you expect, but something in her past. None the less - lessons learned.

I had an uncle who married his English mistress after his second wife died - big age difference - they were very happy. 

I am not at all unhappy about being seen with a very pretty young woman on my arm. K enjoys it too and "acts up" for the benefit of the onlookers !  :cheersty: 

But this is getting off the subject of the thread - which is what happens when there is a large age difference and age creeps up on the man as his wife enters middle age. I am not looking to marrry my carer - I am looking to enjoy sailing, climbing and biking with a good mate, who happens to e a girl!

What happens when I need a "carer" is yet to be discovered...

But in any case, don't do as I do (take up with a much younger, very pretty, woman from a racketty background) - do as I say (choose a sober and devout lady close to your own age).

Edited October 2, 2015 by Methersgate

[chris49]

I don't mind if Steve would rephrase the question again.

Which I take to be:

In an age gap relationship, what happens later on when you are less active, perhaps disabled? With a reference to a case which happened in the UK. And your young wife becomes your carer, caregiver?

So is that the question?

Now Methersgate and myself do fall into that category. Meth in the UK, and we must assume that he is comfortable supporting his young wife in the UK going forward.

Me in the Philippines, can support the family as long as I'm alive, but we do have young kids.

So what happens as we age up and our circumstances change?

I only know Gina. A simple hard working farm girl who is unlikely to have the chance to live abroad, unless it comes later through the kids. Based on what I know, I think she would stick it out with me. 99% sure. However, if we lived in Australia would that change the situation. Let's say I'm 80, partially disabled and the money is no longer enough to live on? Well that wouldn't happen because I would relocate to the Philippines for practical reasons.

How about Methersgate? I dunno, let's ask him again again.

So Steve, is that the gist of the question?

Edited October 2, 2015 by chris49

[Methersgate]

If I look back over my life to date very few of my plans worked out as I expected. In particular, as I look forward to marriage no 3, I do not think that marriage is for ever. It is for law and taxes. This colours my answer.

 

I want to give K and her son the opportunity to get British citizenship; that means the next five years here.

If she likes it here, then it will, from her son's point of view, be better to stay here. Reasons for staying in the UK relate to healthcare (i.e. free, and good) and to the education of my 13 year old son as well as her 7 year old son (ie. free, and good)  

My definite preference would be to carry on working here for a few more years

 

After that, I would offer the  same answer, as Chris: I would, if that suited K, and if she was still with me, relocate to the Philippines, as I grew older and more frail. The reason is that care giving is labour intensive and labour is cheaper in the Philippines. And the heating bills  are "nil".

 

As things stand, I am on good terms with her family, and that gives me the options of Molave (not ideal) in Zamboanga del Sur and of Canlaon and Dumaguete on Negros. I would probably not be able to afford Subic and she has no family there. The importance of the family is that one does not want to depend on a younger wife as a carer, and one does not want to depend on hired help alone.
 

K is probably capable of holding down a proper job in the UK. She might prefer to go on her own and do that. Fair enough; I am then no worse off than I would have been had I stayed single.

Edited October 2, 2015 by Methersgate

[Jake]

They say you cant help falling in love, but love is the most easy word to say to someone who needs to hear it but without you meaning it,

 

So have any of us looked ahead of our lives thinking i am onto a good thing, i supose it would be ok if you are both in love and have show respect for one another all your married life 

Hey guys,

 

Another thought provoking question that all of us, including our younger wife, should take the time and effort in trying to understand our wants and needs as the years go by.  For better or worse, they do change don't they?  It really all depends on our basic foundation where it all began.  Sure, you can still say that you're in love repeatedly, but we sometimes take things for granted (her love, for example) and we might get bored with each other.  Or worse, you became more of a control freak, being jealous of every man staring at her.  

 

I think the key word is LIKE, rather than love.  Will she still feel or like the things she did for you when you first met? Massaging you, taking showers together, having a nice quiet evening together, not saying a word to each other but still feel that warm caress of her presence next to you.  Even though your health may be in serious jeopardy, does she still like to do the things that attracted your attention to begin with.  Do you still like to offer random acts of kindness -- a single rose, a box of chocolate or actually listening to her heart as she becomes more and more homesick?  Or do you become complacent or no longer sensitive to her ever changing wants and needs?  

 

The Filipina heart in general is compassionate and expects nothing in return.  They often times worship Mother Mary, humble and suffering in silence.  We need to remind ourselves that heart could be very fragile until one day, she still loves you but no longer likes you.  

 

Go figure........

 

Respectfully -- Jake

Edited October 2, 2015 by Jake

[Methersgate]

Thank you for that very wise and kind post, Jake.

[Jake]

Thank you for that very wise and kind post, Jake.

I don't think I will ever figure it all out.  It's just based on my 30 plus years of marriage and it's still a work in progress.  The one thing I can suggest is maintaining a sense of humor, spontaneous random acts of kindness and a simple warm embrace.  Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Speaking of kindness, I do go out to my dog house to relief myself of internal combustion of nasty gases.....he, he.  

 

I get no respect sometimes......

[canadamale]

No two relationships are the same, if it is based on love and mutual respect the age difference will not be the deciding factor on the ending of said relationship, on the other hand if the relationship is based on what the younger spouse can get out of the monetary aspect of the union then I can see the younger spouce becoming disillusioned. I know 2 couples here in Canada both with 20 plus yrs spread in age. Both seem very happy.

[sonjack2847]

If I look back over my life to date very few of my plans worked out as I expected. In particular, as I look forward to marriage no 3, I do not think that marriage is for ever. It is for law and taxes. This colours my answer.

 

I want to give K and her son the opportunity to get British citizenship; that means the next five years here.

If she likes it here, then it will, from her son's point of view, be better to stay here. Reasons for staying in the UK relate to healthcare (i.e. free, and good) and to the education of my 13 year old son as well as her 7 year old son (ie. free, and good)  

My definite preference would be to carry on working here for a few more years

 

After that, I would offer the  same answer, as Chris: I would, if that suited K, and if she was still with me, relocate to the Philippines, as I grew older and more frail. The reason is that care giving is labour intensive and labour is cheaper in the Philippines. And the heating bills  are "nil".

 

As things stand, I am on good terms with her family, and that gives me the options of Molave (not ideal) in Zamboanga del Sur and of Canlaon and Dumaguete on Negros. I would probably not be able to afford Subic and she has no family there. The importance of the family is that one does not want to depend on a younger wife as a carer, and one does not want to depend on hired help alone.

 

K is probably capable of holding down a proper job in the UK. She might prefer to go on her own and do that. Fair enough; I am then no worse off than I would have been had I stayed single.

Free education and healthcare no I pay taxes in the UK, mate don`t fall into the category of people who say it is free as that is usually the freeloaders and I don`t think you are one of them.