Sharing between the family

[stevewool]

Since you have moved to the Philippines have you changed the outlook of the family into helping each other, or is it the case they still think its down to the rich ones in the family to help out,

I am a great believer in if we all put something in the pot then everyone is happy rather then just 1 person filling the pot themselves, reading through many threads about finance, helping the family and so it seems we all have given something and many still give now to help support each other,

We are all getting older and many are on fixed incomes and are trying to make our money stretch as far as it can go but when something comes along that you have not budgeted for, well you either go without or try to share the cost,

Am i best to grow a thick skin now or can things change, i do know i can say a big No and the family know that too, but it would be nice to think yes we are all family and a problem shared is a problem halved

[Jack Peterson]

3 minutes ago, stevewool said:

Since you have moved to the Philippines have you changed the outlook of the family into helping each other, or is it the case they still think its down to the rich ones in the family to help out,

I am a great believer in if we all put something in the pot then everyone is happy rather then just 1 person filling the pot themselves, reading through many threads about finance, helping the family and so it seems we all have given something and many still give now to help support each other,

We are all getting older and many are on fixed incomes and are trying to make our money stretch as far as it can go but when something comes along that you have not budgeted for, well you either go without or try to share the cost,

Am i best to grow a thick skin now or can things change, i do know i can say a big No and the family know that too, but it would be nice to think yes we are all family and a problem shared is a problem halved

 Steve Item 1 (one) You will never get all to put in the Pot so you will have to get used to 1001+ excuses believe me. 

Item 2 (Two) Things don't change and they will stay as they are so YEP!  You've  got a year (You say) to grow that thick skin

Just saying Mate.

[mogo51]

40 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Steve Item 1 (one) You will never get all to put in the Pot so you will have to get used to 1001+ excuses believe me. 

Item 2 (Two) Things don't change and they will stay as they are so YEP!  You've  got a year (You say) to grow that thick skin

Just saying Mate.

I saw some 'thick skin' growing cream at the Pharmacy  would that help?

[manofthecoldland]

Hate to say it, but I really don't see much 'sharing' in my personal situation. What they call sharing is... I give and they take.  Even our relatives that have jobs as government workers, teachers, police, seamen, etc... (with the one exception of an officer seaman who treated us at a restaurant), seem pretty quick to ask when in need, but NEVER have they come through for my wife. 

   I had her run an experiment... she asked for help (money) and everyone was apparently broke or dealing with debt. 

   I will not fund anyone's education for a worthless degree. I will contribute up to 50% of medical bills for a few close people if in need. 

   SInce they are seemingly broke all the time, even after I bail them out, I am still expected to pay them if they mend our fences, do laundry etc., despite 'giving' them money for unforseen medical bills, etc.  They do have to eat. 

   I know that my own brother and sisters would make it a point of honor and pride to carry their fair share of any family burden, but here in the PI that doesn't seem the norm. Its more of a communist manifesto thing... from each according to his ability, to each according to his need. That's anathema to individualism and fair exchange, but then again, this isn't a very individualistic society. 

   

[RBM]

17 minutes ago, manofthecoldland said:

Hate to say it, but I really don't see much 'sharing' in my personal situation. What they call sharing is... I give and they take.  Even our relatives that have jobs as government workers, teachers, police, seamen, etc... (with the one exception of an officer seaman who treated us at a restaurant), seem pretty quick to ask when in need, but NEVER have they come through for my wife. 

   I had her run an experiment... she asked for help (money) and everyone was apparently broke or dealing with debt. 

   I will not fund anyone's education for a worthless degree. I will contribute up to 50% of medical bills for a few close people if in need. 

   SInce they are seemingly broke all the time, even after I bail them out, I am still expected to pay them if they mend our fences, do laundry etc., despite 'giving' them money for unforseen medical bills, etc.  They do have to eat. 

   I know that my own brother and sisters would make it a point of honor and pride to carry their fair share of any family burden, but here in the PI that doesn't seem the norm. Its more of a communist manifesto thing... from each according to his ability, to each according to his need. That's anathema to individualism and fair exchange, but then again, this isn't a very individualistic society. 

   

Do you believe by continually bailing them out your in fact helping or just encouraging them to just ask for more?

[Jack Peterson]

7 minutes ago, RBM said:

Do you believe by continually bailing them out your in fact helping or just encouraging them to just ask for more?

 Personally, I believe that this may be so  but Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't.

[mogo51]

I can care for my SO but there will be none for extended family.  I made that quite clear when we first met and I will be adhering to it.  My SO understands this.

[frosty (chris)]

Well I always help them out, they ask, I say how much ...... no problem, give me your BPI debit card and I will  take so much out per fortnight until the amount has been paid back, mind you I never charge them interest like the Indians do ( 20% of the amount I am told).

If for any other reason ie schooling, sickness, family crisis, I give willingly my share, as there are 6 workers in the family I give a 7th of the amount needed. This is why some expats live 2 islands away from family, makes for a much more pleasant home life.

[manofthecoldland]

16 hours ago, RBM said:

Do you believe by continually bailing them out your in fact helping or just encouraging them to just ask for more?

 

16 hours ago, RBM said:

Do you believe by continually bailing them out your in fact helping or just encouraging them to just ask for more?

I help people financially in limited ways , who provide a reciprocal sense of help to my wife and me in terms of handiman chores, and other assistance exchanges. I'm not a philanthropist, NGO or missionary, who can route other people's money/charity to them. I'm only a man on a modest retirement income, who has to personally sacrifice part of my meager, hard-earned income to assist them.

   They soon get the message that you're not a patsy or easy mark and label you 'Koriput' in their ignorance, when its explained to them that you have a small pension and are just trying to live within your very limited budget. I make it clear that I have to sacrifice in order to assit anyone. Not that they care.

But it sets up a stop-loss. My wife is of similar mind-set, so it works. We never make quick or on-the-spot decisions. Its always better to buy time... "We'll have to check and see if the budget allows it." You de-personalize it.

  If anyone feels that they are being bailed out by us, I want them to know that it comes at a cost to us and they should expect some demands or fealty in return. If nothing else.... don't expect it again. Its a one-shot deal and I'm not your go-to-patron.

 Don't kill the goose that provides an occassional bronze egg.

[frosty (chris)]

4 minutes ago, manofthecoldland said:

   They soon get the message that you're not a patsy or easy mark and label you 'Koriput' in their ignorance,

I wear it like a badge of honour