Sharing between the family

[Jack Peterson]

12 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Hopefully no 1 gets offended.  I think it depends a lot about the age gap between the guy and gal.  If you have a retired foreigner who has a filipina wife who is older than him or close to the same age then that tells me the guy is insecure and does not think he can get a young one.  Perhaps he cares too much what other people think so is a little afraid to have a younger lady on his arm.

Does this sound like BS to you?  I got my facts from the same place you got your facts about "you know the relationship is about money".  I just pulled them out of my arse 

I am a 60 yo foreigner with a 20 yr old spouse and if the relationship is about money you'll have to tell me what money. There are a HELLUVA lot of younger guys with more money than I've got and she could have any one of them she wants.  Is there anyone out there who knows "Y" and I who would dispute that?

 Nope! definately Not 

[mogo51]

1 hour ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Nope! definately Not 

Dave,

I am 14 years older than my gf, what side am I on.  I am definately not insecure but am am a person with a conservative outlook on life and relationships (but have not been very good at the latter).  Until now

The perception of people, particularly from the western world is that older men, younger women are not a good thing.  Their perception is mostly driven by ignorance and indeed jealousy.  That is unlikely to change, the good news is Dave, you don't have to give a toss.  Nor do I - we merely get on with being happy.

 

 

[expatuk2014]

aah a touchy subject my wife has a fairly large family

spread far and wide from Los banos to Legazpi to California to Saudi

for one brother he sees us and his younger sister as money !

A good example was this last sunday out of the blue he invites us to go with him,his wife,and daughter to Alabang !!

and we had lunch as a burger place, which had a large menu half of which was not available !!

when it came to paying the bill I gave my wife my wallet ( so she can get the senior discount ! )

And the brother and his family made no attempt to pay or even offer to pay part of the bill !

mind you it was expected as everytime we use him to go shopping he expects to be fed and to be paid !!

to add further, since marrying my wife in 2002 we sent money back to the philippines to help with the mother and sisters

living expenses. since retiring we have built a new home, paid medical bills for mother and sadly funeral expenses.

we are currently repairing the family home as money allows.

and we are about to further improve our home as well.

Any money we have spent on the mother etc and her sister is as far as Im concerned all part of my duty towards my wife.

I am happy to do so just so long as I have my cold drinks and gadgets !

as an example this month I get around 100000 pesos from a private pension I have told the wife I want 25000 for a new printer and a shaver and another security camera and whats left is hers to do with as she wants !

its all about love guys

 

 

Edited March 8, 2016 by expatuk2014

[manofthecoldland]

On 3/8/2016 at 6:02 PM, Sander Martin said:

Hopefully no1 gets offended. I also think it depends alot about the age gap between the guy and girl. If you have say a 60-70yo foregner and a 20yo girl, then you know the relationship is about money. And aslong as both of them are happy with the agreement then its ok. Most of you guys are aged in the bracked that you have/had/could have daughters in the 20s. Im sure you wouldn't like your baby girl bringing home a man that could be her grandpa. I feel its not different here, but because of the poverty alot of parents would not complain here, as they just see the older man a meal ticket for their kid and them.

i might be one of the few guys that actually has a Filipina fiance that is older than them hahaha.

Just my two cents, dont kill me.

 

16 hours ago, mogo51 said:

The perception of people, particularly from the western world is that older men, younger women are not a good thing.  Their perception is mostly driven by ignorance and indeed jealousy.  That is unlikely to change,

You are right that it driven by ignorance. Historical ignorance.

Until very recent times, most marriages were between older men and much younger women. Even today, outside of the West, arranged and family approved marriages do not assign 'emotional infatuation' to a high value when it comes to marriage. Marriage is too important and long term, involving too many other family members' economic survival that hinge upon it in the long run to allow individual, selfish and ephemeral feelings to weigh in on such an important social group survival strategy.

   In the 19th century Irish males couldn't marry until they inherited the farm and could support a wife. She was usually 20+ years younger, from what I've read. Many women died in childbirth, and it was common for men of means to marry 2 or 3 times in their lifetimes. I have learned this while pursuing my hobby in genealogy.

   We are living in anomalous times right now compared to historical norms. If you take a much younger wife, you are the historical norm, but out of step with only a small portion of current humanity.

[Kuya John]

Just smiling to myself,

This topic tends to pops up from time to time, funny how it changes the further down the pages you read.

Question is, do you keep giving water or the tools to dig a well ?

It seems that either way eventually things revert back to "normal" as in won't get off their A-se syndrome !

Not in all cases though as some people truly are less fortunate.

Give what you can afford, lend without interest and sleep well at night. just my 3 cent's

 

[Nephi]

On 3/7/2016 at 3:31 PM, stevewool said:

Since you have moved to the Philippines have you changed the outlook of the family into helping each other, or is it the case they still think its down to the rich ones in the family to help out,

I am a great believer in if we all put something in the pot then everyone is happy rather then just 1 person filling the pot themselves, reading through many threads about finance, helping the family and so it seems we all have given something and many still give now to help support each other,

We are all getting older and many are on fixed incomes and are trying to make our money stretch as far as it can go but when something comes along that you have not budgeted for, well you either go without or try to share the cost,

Am i best to grow a thick skin now or can things change, i do know i can say a big No and the family know that too, but it would be nice to think yes we are all family and a problem shared is a problem halved

You will have to live here to know how thick to grow that skin. But it does help from time to time. If you can say no and mean it during the first few years here it will get easier as many will no longer ask or expect help.

I started saying no 13 years ago when a bro in law wanted to be "close" friends. But that aside, it has been an easy ride for me. The only ones we actually help is my mother and father in law. The are from a different time literally and living in close proximity is difficult. But at their advanced age I think helping with food, medicines, and love is the right thing to do. Other family members don't even ask so there are no problems for us there.

 

Nephi

[Mike S]

59 minutes ago, Kuya John said:

This topic tends to pops up from time to time, funny how it changes the further down the pages you read.

I agree I'm not sure weather to comment on the age of my wife or the the asking of the relatives for a hand-out ..... so guess I'll just stay out of this one because neither topic applies to us .....

[Sander Martin]

5 hours ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Hopefully no 1 gets offended.  I think it depends a lot about the age gap between the guy and gal.  If you have a retired foreigner who has a filipina wife who is older than him or close to the same age then that tells me the guy is insecure and does not think he can get a young one.  Perhaps he cares too much what other people think so is a little afraid to have a younger lady on his arm.

Does this sound like BS to you?  I got my facts from the same place you got your facts about "you know the relationship is about money".  I just pulled them out of my arse 

I am a 60 yo foreigner with a 20 yr old spouse and if the relationship is about money you'll have to tell me what money. There are a HELLUVA lot of younger guys with more money than I've got and she could have any one of them she wants.  Is there anyone out there who knows "Y" and I who would dispute that?

Sounds like you found a good girl aswell Dave. Your both on the same page and thats the most important basis of a good relationship.

im just 29, but i wouldnt date a 18yo. Its not because of insecurity. Hell i could walk out of the house and find one. Not hard as a foregner in Phillipines. I personaly prefer people my own age or abit older - i usualy have much more to talk about with them. To me communication and having things to talk about it the basis of a good relatsionship. I know people are different. When i first ventured into SEA as a 18-19yo i would laught at the 60-70yo guys with their "granddaughters". I dont anymore. Hopefully they are happy and they found just the right person they want. Life is to short to please everyone.

Hell i even usualy prefer to share my beers with old timers then people my age or younger. Most guys my age would be suprised on what you learn just having a conversation with the older fellows.

[Gerald Glatt]

On 3/7/2016 at 3:21 AM, mogo51 said:

I saw some 'thick skin' growing cream at the Pharmacy  would that help?

Only if it's light skin

[Gerald Glatt]

On 3/7/2016 at 4:37 AM, Tukaram (Tim) said:

I thought they were into sharing... but my wife won't invite her sister over for a threesome...  

 

Did I misinterpret the thread title, again?

Whew, My sister-in-law is my senior by 4 years, oneof the few things other then dirt that can manager that.  

Fe, won't invite the nieces though.