Sharing between the family

[stevewool]

They keep coming , different post about our different family too,

Its not moaning really its adjusting to something that you are not use too,

I never new Emma's mother but listening to what Emma says she was a good strong women who brought the family from Tarlac to Manila and then brought there house with the help from the father and both worked very hard to support there children, sending them to college and so on,

The father in all the time i have known him has never asked for anything, his words are, if Emma is happy thats all i am wanting,

Its the sisters and the brothers who have sampled another life that to me are the ones who feels its ok to ask and knowing too never to pay it back, and that takes some getting use too, but i would rather someone tell the truth asking why they cash for rather then saying its for something else,

Like many say we seem to be rich in there eyes but we are not, we work just like them , the only difference is i save my cash for those rainy days , they just seem to live for the day, dont get me wrong the family o married into have there own houses travel the word and look great to there husbands family but to there own blood, they are poor still we have nothing,

being a outsider and listening i see this but hey i married Emma first and she married me too, like i said the father he is part of our great plan and he does not know this, the funny thing here is we have o limit the money we send him as if the rest of the family know what he has got they are round like a shot,

Its a funny world, would i change it not one bit i love my wife ,i trust my wife, she loves me and trust me too, thats all that matters ,the rest will happen but we can hopefully change that .

Again we are all different and what suits one may not suit another but it does not mean we are wrong

[robert k]

There is also the matter of the new phones and motorcycles. They spend all their money so you "have" to give so they can keep the lights on. A sort of financial judo. There is much wailing when I tell them to pawn the new phone.

Then there is the lies. I was told that the prospective SO's son was going to have to be taken out of private school. I said I would pay for him to stay in private school which cost about $1 a day and I gave a little extra for snacks for him. The next month I am told it is the end of the school year so the cost has doubled. I tell them no, I'm not paying it and in fact I'm going to the school to ask if it had been paid last month. The truth comes out after several days of bad feelings, that the money was diverted (they had out of town visitors that they wanted to impress and had a party) so they are actually asking for two months this month. No, you are not going to lie to me like that and play politics with a boy's education, I had become attached to the little fellow but I don't give hostages.

[Larry45]

20 hours ago, mogo51 said:

I'll drink to that, well said.

Yeah, me too after shopping downtown with my daughter today.   I guess some expats like all the attention, but when you understand what all the jokes are about, it's not much fun.  Better to keep your head in the sand (blinders and ear plugs) and just pretend everyone loves you here.  And back on topic, in laws are always welcome here to eat and drink, or even stay over....and they do occasionally, but they know I have a low tolerance for bullsh&t...so they don't wear out their welcome.  They all have jobs and self-esteem, so it's not really an issue.  :)

[BluesDude]

I've been with my wife for thirty years. Twenty-five of the years we've lived here in the States. We've sent a couple of balikbayan boxes most years. We've helped educate one of my sister-in-laws and one of my brother-in-laws. They both lived with us in the Philippines when they were kids (heck, my wife and I were just kids too really). We've contributed to all of my nieces and nephews education, bought a trike, fixed a roof, chipped in on funeral and medical expenses when they arrose. We help from time to time but never terribly large amounts. My in-laws all work enough to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads but from time to time we send a little to help.

I know to some that may sound like a lot but my wife has worked for all but for about ten years when she stayed home to raise our kids when they were very young. We've worked hard but have managed to live fairly well. Take a nice vacation now and then and even save some for retirement. Our house will be paid off in a couple of years and I'll be retiring at the age of 57. We could have done more, but I can sleep well at night knowing we made a positive impact for our overseas family. My situation is quite different than many here due to the time line and the fact that I've grown to know and love my in-laws as family. 

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, just what's right for you and your wife. 

[robert k]

I think Blues Dude hit the nail on the head. When you give, did it make a difference? Or did it just disappear with a smile and a burp? I don't put a limit on how much I'm willing to help other than I'm not going to hurt myself. I would be more likely to give 50k peso for something I could see making a difference where I might balk at 1k peso where all I would expect would be the burp. In fact I did just that once. My GF's brother was getting married and moving out/away and he owned the family motorcycle so Mom and Pop would be afoot and stuck at the farm so I bought them a Suzuki GD110. They didn't ask, I just did it. Me and the GF didn't work out but I know that made a huge difference in their lives and does so on a daily basis, I can't regret it. I miss that family, the GF, not so much.

[Jack Peterson]

 Well like the "Can I live on Topics" it will surely go round and round in circles and much will be discussed But the one thing that is going to be evident in the end is It stops or it will surely slow down.There is not much more I can say because I am what/who I am and the reality is, that in the End it is not going to happen on a fixed income. Yes! when we are at Home we are Working, Saving and getting ready for the Move. We Retire, we maybe sell up and have that nest egg, Sending help and the extra cash for the family was easy. X amount here X amount there No problem.

Then we move, we Build, Cars are bought, we have all the trappings we want. Savings have Dwindled. We are here now among those that we may have pampered but Guys and Gals, we are now on a Fixed Income, with rising costs, and unpredictable exchange rates, yet, the Lurkers are still there and are not understanding that the Money is reduced. So the Sharing has to be reduced.

Everything is easy when we are earning it. For me, it is the being here and the income that we get now, that is the one thing I find it hard, to get through to most. So Family, you really do have to start and think about this

Harsh maybe? No! I don't think so, Negative? maybe for them but not for us, Help Yes but Sharing has to come from everyone that wants a slice of the cake, We have (Most of us anyway) said at one time or another on many Topics, "Holidays is Holidays" Living here is the Reality and it all can and usually does all change when we Actually Live here and the day to day things that occur which, we never seem to see or hear about until "Money is needed" And it is all about Money

 

Not a rant but something I think we all forget, Living here is so Different from being still at home and sending the cash that is far easier when we are still earning but not when we are here  on the Dreaded : "FIXED INCOME" 

JMHO but I think we should think about this 

 

 Jack

Morning all 

Edited March 10, 2016 by Jack Peterson
Just a little Thursday Edit to make some smile if I didn't need to HUH!

[OnMyWay]

"Sharing between family"

I'm going to bring a different perspective to the discussion.  I'm in the hole with my Philippine family.

I have written about our recent 5 week stay in New Zealand.  My wife has a brother and a sister there who are both successful.  They spent a lot of money on us and were insulted if I tried to pay for anything.  Including all the gifts they gave to my kids, food both in and out, driving around, a night in a hotel on a weekend outing, etc., I'm sure they must have spent a few thousand NZD on us.

So I told my wife that I am going to "pay it forward" and I already started a bit.  Her brother from Bohol visited and spotted a chain saw for a great price (p4500) at HMR, but did not have the money for it, so I paid and he thinks he is going to pay me back this month.  This is the same brother who needed a generator after the earthquake, to keep his business' open.  I shipped a small one down and it was supposed to be a gift.  He sent the p7000 after about a month.  I met him for the first time on his visit here and I like him a lot.  Quiet, unassuming, hard working guy.  He is the one who fixed up some electronics for me during his visit.

His brother brought him down from Baguio.  That brother is the one I would consider a good friend.  We get along well.  Another hard worker.  We went to Royal Duty Free to buy gifts and I told him to put his stuff with mine.  Maybe p1000 worth.  He argued but finally relented to another "pay it forward" effort.

I have written before about how I am lucky in the family department.  Most of the family are not needy.  I have loaned to another brother.  He paid me back with interest.  I loaned again and he is struggling to pay it back, but just made a payment.  The problem is, he quit a good job to start an internet cafe years ago.  Now he has two locations but they are going down the drain.  I think the era of internet cafes is finally ending in PH and he needs to find something else for a livelihood.

Interesting side story.  The oldest brother is the most successful here in the Philippines.  He is a CFO, or something like that, of a Japanese pipe company here.  I have only met him 3 or 4 times and he has never warmed up to me.  The last time was in New Zealand, as he flew in for a week after Christmas for a visit.  I knew in advance that he was a serious type of guy but he seemed extra cool towards me.

I mentioned that to my wife just yesterday and she told me more detail of something she had told me before.  She thinks he is mad at us because we did not bring him a gift he asked for when my wife went to the U.S. to help me move, in 2012.  He is a golf addict and he wanted a putter.  No specific one was mentioned, just that he saw one on Amazon for $75.  Well, I didn't take it that seriously and we were very busy, so I did not buy one or really even look for one.  Keep in mind that I had never met him at that point.  So, my wife thinks that to this day he is holding this against me.  Seems very immature for a 50+ year old CFO of a big company, but what do I know.  If it is true, his problem, not mine.  He is not a fun guy to be around anyway.

Edited March 10, 2016 by OnMyWay

[mogo51]

Probably can't putt to save himself anyway!

Edited March 10, 2016 by mogo51
spelling

[manofthecoldland]

You're a very lucky man to have married into this family. 

In order to maintain harmonty, build a good relationship and make amends for what he may well have misinterpreted as some sort of 'dissing' , I'd buy 2 or 3 and have them shipped to him wth a quixotic note that allows the both of you to save face. Build a bridge and put the ball on his side of the court. Nobody is immune to a charm offense, and people can often function on a child-like level in emotional issues that are close to them. (see 'transactional analysis' on how sometimes the adult psychological mode, switches to that of either 'parent' or 'child' at bizarre points in life that trigger unexpected emotional reactions that you don't have control over if you are unaware of it happening.)  

I may be way off target on this, but its always good to be kind to people and  make the extra effort if you think its worth it to you and your wife to improve the relationship. Your call, of course.

I've seen guys who 'aren't fun to be around', with attitude problems of their own making, respond in unexpected ways to people who take an honest interest in them.  

[mogo51]

47 minutes ago, manofthecoldland said:

You're a very lucky man to have married into this family. 

In order to maintain harmonty, build a good relationship and make amends for what he may well have misinterpreted as some sort of 'dissing' , I'd buy 2 or 3 and have them shipped to him wth a quixotic note that allows the both of you to save face. Build a bridge and put the ball on his side of the court. Nobody is immune to a charm offense, and people can often function on a child-like level in emotional issues that are close to them. (see 'transactional analysis' on how sometimes the adult psychological mode, switches to that of either 'parent' or 'child' at bizarre points in life that trigger unexpected emotional reactions that you don't have control over if you are unaware of it happening.)  

I may be way off target on this, but its always good to be kind to people and  make the extra effort if you think its worth it to you and your wife to improve the relationship. Your call, of course.

I've seen guys who 'aren't fun to be around', with attitude problems of their own making, respond in unexpected ways to people who take an honest interest in them.  

F...k it go the full monty and buy him a golf course. (see transactonal analysis on silly responses). haha