Sharing between the family

[Jack Peterson]

Mogo said:

**Our view on obligations differ greatly, but we both have the right to exercise them.  

 My personal view is that I will be judged by how I look after my SO and have no concerns about her family, as I see it as not my problem.  There is no right or wrong in either view.**

OH! I do agree but have to say that sometimes, it is because we do Look after our Ladies & Children ( 9/10 Not ours) So well, that we are seen as a Target more

 

JMVHO 

 

[Whitty]

"sharing between the family"

It's good to read of others experiences and thoughts on this subject. To feel a bond of empathy between other foreigners living here....

And I would like to share with you all , briefly , my experiences and views on this important subject .

Firstly a little about myself and my life so far .

Like many others , i guess , i had a previous marriage . Living in Australia , for 20 years , with 2 children . I did not want this marriage to finish , so when it ended I was in a very bad way . After I had recovered a bit and felt like living again, tried meeting and dating Australian women . This did not go as well as I had hoped . I remembered a Filipina gf I had when i was about 20 . She was very loving and heaps of fun . Anyhow,i started chatting to a few Filipina's on web sites. One stood out as genuine and she wanted to meet me . To make it brief we married in 2011 . in Feb 2015 we moved to Philippines and have settled here .We have a one year old boy,who has brought us and the whole family much happiness . We built a house on her families land and live here with her Mum and Dad and 2 sisters and a brother . The big things I miss from Australia are my son and daughter and my good friends .

Now back onto topic....

 

"Sharing is to have a portion of (something) with another or others: he shared the pie with her | all members of the band equally share the band's profits."

 

The way I see it...She and her family have given me a great life...they share their lives , they share their love ,they have opened their hearts and lives to me....they give me so much everyday....always loving and caring for me .They always put me and my needs before their own . Hard to believe but it is true . This has transformed my life..i am happy again.....i belong again....i am loved again..........

I once truly believed i could never be happy again.....sometimes it so great to be wrong..

 

 

In front of the home we built 2 commercial spaces that generate 16k peso per month . I want then to use this to help with cost of living .I pay for her sisters tuition fees and electricity bill on the family home  and they pay her rent and allowances ,as she studies in Cebu City . When they have spent this money on other things and don't have enough to pay her rent , i have quietly refused to pay it. Maybe it is silly and wrong to try to teach adults how to budget and prioritise money. However I feel if i do pay it ,it will become expected of me each month .

Her Mum is a selfless giver . If I ever give her a small gift of money,she always spends it on others....never herself . My wife is also the sort who gives rather than takes . I have loaned money to family members but i realised before i gave , that it would probably never return . I have loaned money to non family friends. I told them as i gave it ,that if i didn't get it back , i would not loan to them again. So far out of say 10 loans i have only been paid back by one person .Lately ,no one asks me for money . However if a genuine medical emergency happened ,to a family member ,i would fund it . 

 

 

[Jack Peterson]

1 hour ago, Whitty said:

Maybe it is silly and wrong to try to teach adults how to budget and prioritise money. However I feel if i do pay it ,it will become expected of me each month .

 Now here Whitty, is something that many are told but choose to ignore, you sound like you have a good situation there and I think many of us will be envious but even then I sense that outside the Tight immediate family you have like the rest of  us, the "Lurkers" As we should all know by now ( Newcomers will soon learn, Hopefully) We have to keep an eye on that ball & use that good old Western Intuition, I was pleased to read that you have the Good sense in your Don't pay back, Don't come again attitude  Many have fallen for the false promises and the 1001+ excuses, I see you Haven't, That's good.

Harsh words may be spoken at times but if we are to keep our own Heads above water and look after those that matter, we have to be Hard at times and I think this is the Crux of the OP's Topic. TRUST is a big word here but sometimes, I wonder if this is another word that is many times, not really Understood, Especially when it comes to Money.  On a Lighter note Whitty, nice to meet you so to speak

 

OK! OK! I know, I'm Going   Mutter mutter, Just saying that's all 

Edited March 9, 2016 by Jack Peterson
Added a word here and there

[mogo51]

19 hours ago, expatuk2014 said:

8 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 Now here Whitty, is something that many are told but choose to ignore, you sound like you have a good situation there and I think many of us will be envious but even then I sense that outside the Tight immediate family you have like the rest of  us, the "Lurkers" As we should all know by now ( Newcomers will soon learn, Hopefully) We have to keep an eye on that ball & use that good old Western Intuition, I was pleased to read that you have the Good sense in your Don't pay back, Don't come again attitude  Many have fallen for the false promises and the 1001+ excuses, I see you Haven't, That's good.

Harsh words may be spoken at times but if we are to keep our own Heads above water and look after those that matter, we have to be Hard at times and I think this is the Crux of the OP's Topic. TRUST is a big word here but sometimes, I wonder if this another word that is many times, not really Understood, Especially when it comes to Money.  On a Lighter note Whitty, nice to meet you so to speak

 

OK! OK! I know, I'm Going   Mutter mutter, Just saying that's all 

aah a touchy subject my wife has a fairly large family

spread far and wide from Los banos to Legazpi to California to Saudi

for one brother he sees us and his younger sister as money !

A good example was this last sunday out of the blue he invites us to go with him,his wife,and daughter to Alabang !!

and we had lunch as a burger place, which had a large menu half of which was not available !!

when it came to paying the bill I gave my wife my wallet ( so she can get the senior discount ! )

And the brother and his family made no attempt to pay or even offer to pay part of the bill !

mind you it was expected as everytime we use him to go shopping he expects to be fed and to be paid !!

to add further, since marrying my wife in 2002 we sent money back to the philippines to help with the mother and sisters

living expenses. since retiring we have built a new home, paid medical bills for mother and sadly funeral expenses.

we are currently repairing the family home as money allows.

and we are about to further improve our home as well.

Any money we have spent on the mother etc and her sister is as far as Im concerned all part of my duty towards my wife.

I am happy to do so just so long as I have my cold drinks and gadgets !

as an example this month I get around 100000 pesos from a private pension I have told the wife I want 25000 for a new printer and a shaver and another security camera and whats left is hers to do with as she wants !

its all about love guys

 

 

 

Our view on obligations differ greatly, but we both have the right to exercise them.  

 My personal view is that I will be judged by how I look after my SO and have no concerns about her family, as I see it as not my problem.  There is no right or wrong in either view.

 

[Jack Peterson]

 Mogo (Ron) you seem to be having the same prom I had!

[mogo51]

1 hour ago, Whitty said:

"sharing between the family"

It's good to read of others experiences and thoughts on this subject. To feel a bond of empathy between other foreigners living here....

And I would like to share with you all , briefly , my experiences and views on this important subject .

Firstly a little about myself and my life so far .

Like many others , i guess , i had a previous marriage . Living in Australia , for 20 years , with 2 children . I did not want this marriage to finish , so when it ended I was in a very bad way . After I had recovered a bit and felt like living again, tried meeting and dating Australian women . This did not go as well as I had hoped . I remembered a Filipina gf I had when i was about 20 . She was very loving and heaps of fun . Anyhow,i started chatting to a few Filipina's on web sites. One stood out as genuine and she wanted to meet me . To make it brief we married in 2011 . in Feb 2015 we moved to Philippines and have settled here .We have a one year old boy,who has brought us and the whole family much happiness . We built a house on her families land and live here with her Mum and Dad and 2 sisters and a brother . The big things I miss from Australia are my son and daughter and my good friends .

Now back onto topic....

 

"Sharing is to have a portion of (something) with another or others: he shared the pie with her | all members of the band equally share the band's profits."

 

The way I see it...She and her family have given me a great life...they share their lives , they share their love ,they have opened their hearts and lives to me....they give me so much everyday....always loving and caring for me .They always put me and my needs before their own . Hard to believe but it is true . This has transformed my life..i am happy again.....i belong again....i am loved again..........

I once truly believed i could never be happy again.....sometimes it so great to be wrong..

 

 

In front of the home we built 2 commercial spaces that generate 16k peso per month . I want then to use this to help with cost of living .I pay for her sisters tuition fees and electricity bill on the family home  and they pay her rent and allowances ,as she studies in Cebu City . When they have spent this money on other things and don't have enough to pay her rent , i have quietly refused to pay it. Maybe it is silly and wrong to try to teach adults how to budget and prioritise money. However I feel if i do pay it ,it will become expected of me each month .

Her Mum is a selfless giver . If I ever give her a small gift of money,she always spends it on others....never herself . My wife is also the sort who gives rather than takes . I have loaned money to family members but i realised before i gave , that it would probably never return . I have loaned money to non family friends. I told them as i gave it ,that if i didn't get it back , i would not loan to them again. So far out of say 10 loans i have only been paid back by one person .Lately ,no one asks me for money . However if a genuine medical emergency happened ,to a family member ,i would fund it . 

 

 

Good post Whitty, the first part I thought I was reliving my unpleasant years with the ex - so very similar, but for the fact that I was quite happy  to end the marriage.

Like y anou I  could not relate to Oz women and looked to Thailand initially,only to realise that Filipino women were streets ahead. I know  there are exceptions, but when you get a 'keeper' you have won the lottery.

My  views are totally related to my financial capacities that I am now in.  My priority is my SO and that is 

where my direction will stay.  When I check out, it is 'up to her' what she does, but she is intelligent and will make sure she is ok

 

[Larry45]

19 hours ago, davewe said:

It may be a fallacious argument but I'm sticking to it. It's also my personal experience which is just as valid (or just as invalid) as anyone else's.

While you do make good points, Dave, it's hard to take your opinions seriously when you still compare Americans and Filipinos with regards to financial expectations, socio-financial dynamics, and the like.  The difference is huge, and it's not only in the perspective of who is on top.  Perhaps you will understand more once you become an expat here.

 

As for me, I'm one of those expats that obviously must be lying when I say I don't help the family, as someone wrote in a blog.  Wife has set them up on her own dime, after years of hard work at the school house.  Like a few others here, I only look after MY own family, and made that clear in the beginning.  I can easily afford to pay for everyone in THEIR family, but that's not the type of relationship I want.  I don't judge others for sharing and helping, but for my situation, it would severely detract from the quality and legitimacy of my marriage.        

[mogo51]

25 minutes ago, Larry45 said:

While you do make good points, Dave, it's hard to take your opinions seriously when you still compare Americans and Filipinos with regards to financial expectations, socio-financial dynamics, and the like.  The difference is huge, and it's not only in the perspective of who is on top.  Perhaps you will understand more once you become an expat here.

 

As for me, I'm one of those expats that obviously must be lying when I say I don't help the family, as someone wrote in a blog.  Wife has set them up on her own dime, after years of hard work at the school house.  Like a few others here, I only look after MY own family, and made that clear in the beginning.  I can easily afford to pay for everyone in THEIR family, but that's not the type of relationship I want.  I don't judge others for sharing and helping, but for my situation, it would severely detract from the quality and legitimacy of my marriage.        

I'll drink to that, well said.

[Jack Peterson]

 For me and all. can take it for what it is worth. Each to our own so to speak, is how easily some in our Extended family quickly forget that they managed quite well before I came along. I guess they may have thought the Laziness was going to be easier with some Fresh Blood to Suck. We are 2 (Two) [Foreigners] in the family now but before 2012 when I came permanently I had many a long Chat to my US Brother-in-Law about this as he had had it on his own for 5 years before, So I just did what he did, Looked at each request differently, according to the merits, made a Decision.  Some must have thought the Golden egg had come again or Doubled but in Reality it Halved, as when he paid out 1000 sort of thing before he now only pays 500 and I pay 500

 Two Heads are better than One they say, between us we can get many things under control ( if that is a good Word)  very much to some's dislike, we still talk about the current Family "Crisis" of the Day. Even the OH! well we will ask ***** if you won't help. Yeah! OK! go talk. Don't always go their way

It has been around for so many years and it will continue well beyond my Years but......... talk all we like there are things that I will not Budge on. I know I am as as Happy in my Pig S...t as I can be but Guys & Gals it is sure fun to kick these things around and know, that we can still hold the "ACE" So far!

[mogo51]

Yes Jack, all the posts coming from both points of view have been interesting.  As I said in other post, it is an  individual choice and we thankfully call the shots.

My SO is going to see her Mum & Dad who are quite elderly when we get to Phils, I will spend a few days at my favourite Hotel in Angeles, before we head to Iloilo (recommended by Kev), then boat over to Duma.

I will enjoy just resting and having a few beers at the 'cage' on fields just down from hotel.