Trebek Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 Wow, thanks for the great responses! My family back home would sh&t if I bring home a 21 year old cutie! Jealousy... I actually enjoy chatting with the gals in their early to late 30's but the 21 year old physically turns me on the most. But yes, what can we possibly have to talk about?? Lots of food for thought... Whomever I marry, I will be taking her to China and that can get quite boring and lonely for the wrong person.. Incidentally the 21 year old asked me "do you have a house in the USA" which is quite a turn off but at least she's to young to be overly clever about the questions she asks. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Hounddriver Posted July 13, 2014 Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) she's to young to be overly clever about the questions she asks. You would be surprised. One of the reasons age does not matter is that they grow up very fast, through necessity. If you caught her on one 'red flag' question then I bet she slipped 9 others by you. BUT, age does not matter and whether you are dating a 19 or 49 year old you should question their motives and commitment to your relationship. My family back home would sh&t if I bring home a 21 year old cutie! That is common in many cultures. My family members make it clear that I would not be welcome to visit if I brought a lady who was vastly younger than I am. As I live in the Philippines, my family and I compromise with a 'don't ask don't tell' attitude. I am suggesting that the same approach may work for you. Interestingly enough, my 79 year old mother has visited and has no problem with it, but she will not tell the rest of the family how I live. Edited July 13, 2014 by Dave Hounddriver 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trebek Posted July 13, 2014 Author Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) Appreciate the advice Dave but I will just show up for Christmas with a 21 year old in tow, it's my life. They will talk later but I'll have a good Christmas! And a better New Year..... And I don't mind her fam wanting a successful westerner to help pay a few expenses, thats the way families are. As long as they keep it in perspective Ill help out as much as I can. I don't blame her for asking whether I was a homeowner in the US, she needs to know this. Edited July 13, 2014 by MikeB 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dougbert Posted July 13, 2014 Popular Post Posted July 13, 2014 I had my own trepidation about the age difference (19 years in my case), but now see it as a minor problem. My biggest fear is what happens when I'm in my 70s (maybe 80s). Or when I'm gone. Less than two months after meeting her on a dating site I went over to visit for the first time. I told my family and I think they thought I was out of my mind. Now that she's here and they have met her twice (most of my family is on the east coast) they are not bothered by it. If you both have the commitment to each other then nothing else really matters. If other people can't see that, then there isn't much you can do about it but live your lives and prove them wrong. Maybe they will come around eventually. My 91 year old grandmother was one of the most skeptical, but now sees what we are about and completely accepts it. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Methersgate Posted July 13, 2014 Popular Post Posted July 13, 2014 My Filipina ex-wife was definitely NOT happy about living in Beijing. Whilst we were able to find a small Filipino community, she was very lonely and depressed for much of the time. This was a reaction to China, not to "abroad", because she settled happily into Britain and still lives here, although she found another bloke after the first decade in Britain. I would therefore urge some caution - take her on a visit, first - as I recall, this is not going to be a problem with Chinese immigration - get her visit visa in Hong Kong - China Travel Services - at the arrivals concourse of the airport.On the age difference - between K, my Filipina partner and I, it is vast - 33 years. When I found out how big it was, I wanted to stop, feeling it was unfair on her - luckily, she persuaded me otherwise. That was three and a half years ago. As far as I can tell, the age difference IS noticed and commented on in the Philippines - K just goes "selectively deaf". We are a dirty old man and a gold digger. But, just like the bumble bee, which has too high a wing loading to fly, but does not know that, we don't know that that is what we are and we behave like husband and wife. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forum Support Old55 Posted July 13, 2014 Forum Support Posted July 13, 2014 Not sure if you know this but the chance that your lady friend would get a visitors visa to the States is very small. An older man married to a very young attractive Filipina both living in the States is not without issues. We have seen more than a few divorces. If there is an active Filipino OFW group in the Chinese city you work in a Filipina wife could be very happy. If not it could be difficult for her. I'm curious to ask you, if you don't mind.... With so many attractive educated Chinese lady's there why go with a Filipina? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Trebek Posted July 13, 2014 Author Popular Post Posted July 13, 2014 Not sure if you know this but the chance that your lady friend would get a visitors visa to the States is very small. An older man married to a very young attractive Filipina both living in the States is not without issues. We have seen more than a few divorces. If there is an active Filipino OFW group in the Chinese city you work in a Filipina wife could be very happy. If not it could be difficult for her. I'm curious to ask you, if you don't mind.... With so many attractive educated Chinese lady's there why go with a Filipina? You make many good points and give me much to think about: We weren't planning to live in the states but I would like to bring her to visit? If we were legally married they wouldn't let her visit? Yes, many Filipino groups in the Pearl River delta and in HK, Shenzhen, etc... I think if I found her a job she would be happier, sitting around my apartment alone doing nothing would get boring. Plus we will spend a month in the winter plus two months in the summer in the Philippines. I'm a university lecturer so I have lots of vacation time. I just broke up with a Chinese girl from the mainland. Yes they are nice. But its very difficult to undo what a lifetime of propaganda does to them. Any issue (no matter how minor) that I would have with a Chinese person, she would take the side of her fellow comrade. My boss (from a previous school) embezzled my airfare, my Chinese gf automatically tries to make an excuse for her and completely justifies my ex-bosses actions. She did this all the time. She also have too many stereotyped ideas beginning with "all Westerners are......". I love the Chinese, but mainlanders are a bit obtuse. Her parents had too much influence on her as well. She's 38 years old and terrified what her parents would think about her marrying a foreign devil such as myself. Sorry, I could go on and on, but I really like the Filipina's way of thinking when compared to Chinese women from the mainland. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Second that! I was never tempted at all by Mainland Chinese women, for just those reasons. The cultural chasm is unbridgeable. I had a drop dead gorgeous and extremely well educated young lady attached to me as my interpreter; we travelled together and no I never did, though I watched her twiddle men round her little finger. She went on to take an MBA at Cambridge, and I helped her into a good job with a big bank in London. She has just returned to Shanghai with husband no.2. We are, and remain, friends, but that's it. A Hong Kong, Malaysian-Chinese or Singaporean girl might have been a different thing, but I really do feel so much more comfortable with a Filipina. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trebek Posted July 14, 2014 Author Posted July 14, 2014 And there I go doing the say stereotyping thing by saying "All Chinese from the mainland are like this".. But yeah, I'm done with dating Chinese... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougbert Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 We weren't planning to live in the states but I would like to bring her to visit? If we were legally married they wouldn't let her visit? Do your research. Unless a Filipino is well-heeled with strong connections to home (children, property, a job, a car, etc.) getting any type of visa to come to the US is a challenge. A tourist visa, ironically, is less likely to be approved than a K-1 (fiancee) or K-3 (spousal) visa. Its crazy if you are in a relationship and want to make a sanity check--will she like it here? Google for "visa journey" and read up. Dougbert p.s. I agree with the _general_ opinion of Chinese folks. They get indoctrinated from birth. Korea is different, but has similar problems, in my opinion. Of course who are we to talk since we are dating or married to women from a country other than our own. What does that say about the ladies here in the US (and us as well)? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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