Sharing between the family

[Gratefuled]

3 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 When is Payday Steve cos I for one, am Counting Down 13, 12 etc 

 

Kidding mate, just Pulling your leg to help things along.

Come on Jack. You're double spacing again and maybe more. I'm counting.

(chuckle)

[Tukaram (Tim)]

2 hours ago, stevewool said:

we all live on what we have , if you want more you work harder and longer

Yep.  That is why I quit working at 48 and moved over here... 3 years ago? How did that happen already ha ha.  My wife now seems to understand that when I say we are broke until the 1t of the month - I am not kidding.  Can't wait until I get to retire

[robert k]

43 minutes ago, Tukaram (Tim) said:

Yep.  That is why I quit working at 48 and moved over here... 3 years ago? How did that happen already ha ha.  My wife now seems to understand that when I say we are broke until the 1t of the month - I am not kidding.  Can't wait until I get to retire

It certainly makes things different leaving the work force before retirement. When I was paralyzed I knew my career was over but we had some family property that I thought if managed properly I could turn it into a living and I have. I could have gone on SS disability insurance but they would have insisted that I sell my part of the property and I would have been dependent on the government forever. I chose not to do that. Things look better now but for a while that steady government check was looking pretty good. I caught myself thinking I just wish I were on a fixed income when nothing was coming in! It wouldn't have been true though.

[Queenie O.]

I can only share my own unique perspective, but maybe it will add a different dimension to the discussion.

Having been married to a Filipino who has worked harder and over time earned more than I ever have in our years spent in the US, after both going over money issues that come up,  I let him ultimately choose what he wants to give based on our budget and what the need or request is.

My husband's parents were both retired elementary school teachers, but the family is large and for the most part poor with a few family members with physical handicaps, that keep them more in need. When our young son was growing up, we had more expense in our immediate family, and were able to help out less.  While working we could send a token money to individual family members at Christmas and  help shoulder any family emergencies that arose within our means.  

As time went on, we used to come here for vacations, we knew that upon returning to  work we could always recoup what monies we had given out for gifts. food, medical help etc.  My husband has a sister living in the States married to an American who helped more when her parents were alive, but is not that interested in siblings now. It was easier to recoup those monies while still holding a job,but when you move here you often have to have a different budget and perspective about how much help you can give.

 

That being said, the Filipino culture says that if you have more than your family, and you've had blessings and good fortune in your life, you try your best as a loving family member to help family out the best way that you can and are glad to do it. The idea of "Am I my brother's Keeper?" is part of the Filipino mindset, and one that my husband holds true for himself.

Fortunately our Filipino family has never been demanding, and many of my husband's siblings hold down jobs that they learned through trade school, so they don't often ask for help. If we see a need within reason, it is easier for us to use our judgement and try to target that need. If we loan a small amount to a poor family member or friend/neighbor we never lend or give with any intention of getting it back, because it just isn't practical to think otherwise. Just don't come back to the well  if you don't use the loan/gift wisely.

We usually make  up a job or task that helps us in some way if practical, so money is mostly "earned" in not seen as a direct handout. That has worked out well for us.

I guess that we as a couple, saw part of the adventure  and happiness of living here that maybe in some way through some small acts of kindness, (many requiring some reasonable outlay of money on our part) we could in a small way, make a difference in the lives of some poor family members at times,  poor neighbors, poor students, people needing meds etc.

Yeah--we have been disappointed and disillusioned, frustrated and angry at times with this style here, and sometimes are comfortable to say no,  but for the ones we've been able to help or give  a boost to, it has been a positive kick for us.  As long as we focus on our needs first as a couple trying to live here within our means, we don't get too stressed about paying forward if we can within reason. We're not missionaries or philanthropists,-- just doing what we can if the need arises.

Remember this is just our perspective, and I know that we all come from different circumstances. I respect all opinions and decisions that other people make based on their own considerations.

Queenie

 

 

 

[Mike S]

Queenie O ..... that is one of the best posts I have read in quite a while .... thank you for your contribution you are definitely a breath of fresh air in a room full of smelly cigar smokers .... I think this is the first time I have actually run into a foreign woman married to a Filipino and it is really great to get your perspective on living here and life with a Filipino .... keep up the good work I love reading your posts ....    

[manofthecoldland]

20 hours ago, stevewool said:

Chris / Mogo, we all live on what we have , if you want more you work harder and longer, yes i am still working,and yes we have good holidays and again yes we have the two houses, but all this is done buy working still,

I am not rich by all means, and i will not have a budget of many who have written on here they have this and they have that and you are kidding yourself if you can managed on that amount,which i was told, but then again someone comes along and throws a spanner in the works and lives very well in there eyes on a lot less,

I have asked questions about this over a very long time and i will keep asking questions too, i am worried about the jump we are going to make , i dont intend to come back to England once we are there that is why i will keep searching,

Remember boys and Girls you have lived another life before moving there ,may be a good life with all the trimmings thats all i am doing at the moment just like you guys did,

The move will take some adjusting for me and Emma i am just making sure we dont stumble and like many of us my wife is younger then me , i am making sure there are funds for her life once i have gone

 

 

 

 

 

If you are worried about the jump you are about to make, there are probably good reasons.

They might be obvious threats and dangers that you can pay heed to, counter and disarm with foresight and good planning for the contingencies.  Or they may be subconscious warnings that are telling you that things are not right for you at the moment, but you can't put your finger on what exactly is setting off the red flags.

If that's the case, I'd pay attention to my instincts and be wary of the unknown factors. You can only pre-plan up to a point.

For most guys, it pretty obvious when its time to go. One option is so repulsive or one option is so attractive that there is no dithering or second thoughts.  If you're straddling a fence, then its probably not your time to make the break. If you're not pushed off by circumstances, or are not ready to willfully and confidently jump... you have to stay on the fence. 

There is nothing wrong with that. You might live to be 99 or die tomorrow, but everyone treats the mortality factor individually and differently.

P.S. Even with our own house and extremely low budget elec.(no A/C), water, P999/mo. home internet access, 3 dogs that eat cheap fish and low grade rice, .... etc. There is NO WAY I would want to exist here on only P20K/mo. for a budget. My wife can when I am not here, but I like to eat well, dine out once or twice a week, and have mall coffee or a few beers with other ex-pats now and then.

 I have a friend that does make it with P20K on Camiguin with his woman and her kids, but he is seldom happy due to his financial stresses. Looking to the future when his other pension kicks in, and the love of his woman keeps him going.

[Queenie O.]

Just now, Mike S said:

Queenie O ..... that is one of the best posts I have read in quite a while .... thank you for your contribution you are definitely a breath of fresh air in a room full of smelly cigar smokers .... I think this is the first time I have actually run into a foreign woman married to a Filipino and it is really great to get your perspective on living here and life with a Filipino .... keep up the good work I love reading your posts ....    

Wow--Thanks Mike! Thanks for the kind words! You guys all do fine though:)

[stevewool]

Well thank you boys for the interest in this thread and as the name at the start of the thread says   , Sharing between the family, i had better get in there good books as i may need cash from them  to help me out

[Jake]

8 hours ago, Queenie O. said:

I can only share my own unique perspective, but maybe it will add a different dimension to the discussion.

Having been married to a Filipino who has worked harder and over time earned more than I ever have in our years spent in the US, after both going over money issues that come up,  I let him ultimately choose what he wants to give based on our budget and what the need or request is.

My husband's parents were both retired elementary school teachers, but the family is large and for the most part poor with a few family members with physical handicaps, that keep them more in need. When our young son was growing up, we had more expense in our immediate family, and were able to help out less.  While working we could send a token money to individual family members at Christmas and  help shoulder any family emergencies that arose within our means.  

As time went on, we used to come here for vacations, we knew that upon returning to  work we could always recoup what monies we had given out for gifts. food, medical help etc.  My husband has a sister living in the States married to an American who helped more when her parents were alive, but is not that interested in siblings now. It was easier to recoup those monies while still holding a job,but when you move here you often have to have a different budget and perspective about how much help you can give.

 

That being said, the Filipino culture says that if you have more than your family, and you've had blessings and good fortune in your life, you try your best as a loving family member to help family out the best way that you can and are glad to do it. The idea of "Am I my brother's Keeper?" is part of the Filipino mindset, and one that my husband holds true for himself.

Fortunately our Filipino family has never been demanding, and many of my husband's siblings hold down jobs that they learned through trade school, so they don't often ask for help. If we see a need within reason, it is easier for us to use our judgement and try to target that need. If we loan a small amount to a poor family member or friend/neighbor we never lend or give with any intention of getting it back, because it just isn't practical to think otherwise. Just don't come back to the well  if you don't use the loan/gift wisely.

We usually make  up a job or task that helps us in some way if practical, so money is mostly "earned" in not seen as a direct handout. That has worked out well for us.

I guess that we as a couple, saw part of the adventure  and happiness of living here that maybe in some way through some small acts of kindness, (many requiring some reasonable outlay of money on our part) we could in a small way, make a difference in the lives of some poor family members at times,  poor neighbors, poor students, people needing meds etc.

Yeah--we have been disappointed and disillusioned, frustrated and angry at times with this style here, and sometimes are comfortable to say no,  but for the ones we've been able to help or give  a boost to, it has been a positive kick for us.  As long as we focus on our needs first as a couple trying to live here within our means, we don't get too stressed about paying forward if we can within reason. We're not missionaries or philanthropists,-- just doing what we can if the need arises.

Remember this is just our perspective, and I know that we all come from different circumstances. I respect all opinions and decisions that other people make based on their own considerations.

Queenie

 

 

 

Triple LIKE Queenie!

[Queenie O.]

4 hours ago, Jake said:

Triple LIKE Queenie!

:)