Smiling faces.... Are Filipinos truly friendly? Do you have Filipino friends?

[Terry P]

3 hours ago, Gandang Smile said:

Where the streets have no name (and no public lightning)? 

Still haven't found what I'm looking for

Don't think you will either

[Gandang Smile]

1 hour ago, TerryP said:

Still haven't found what I'm looking for

Don't think you will either

I have already found who I was looking for. The rest is incidental.

Filipinos, I can't change them and they haven't changed me, either. 

Edited January 3, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[Shady]

7 hours ago, Gandang Smile said:

Filipina mom has apparently got a nasty bunch of friends

The single most destructive element in any Fil-Expat relationship: the Filipina mom. Unless you enjoy being a long-nosed ATM, (and apparently some do) best to find a partner without one.

It's not that they are inherently evil or anything, it's the idea in the daughters mind - again part of the 'we all help each-other' culture that is in fact so friendly to strangers - that she, and now you as her partner, are obligated to provide for her mother's financial needs.

 

[RBM]

On 1/2/2021 at 6:05 PM, Snowy79 said:

Hearing you loud and clear Jake. Society is certainly changing and many nations are becoming experts at virtue signalling but when it comes down to actually doing something kind if it's too much like hard work or means they will be slightly put out they don't follow the words up.

I've wisened up enough to take the smiles and friendliness here but have learned not to fall into a trap.  Too be fair the vast majority of ex pats I pass in the street or on the beach either blank my " hi " or pretend they never saw me.  Expats have certainly been more unfriendly than the locals. 

Interesting to read the many varied of life experiences here.

Was told once by an expat whom had lived here many years, The locals do not accept us, they just tolerate us. On many occasions I have been reminded of this.

Personally have just one close Filipino friend whom I trust 100%, many friends whom I keep a distance with, works both ways. Stops any requests for assistance plus any issues associated with closer contact. Rarely if ever have been asked for a loan, if ever I very politely decline.

Charity we do it ourselves, me, a low profile, my partner is the face, I stay behind the limelight. She has never requested any help from me for her family, and does not believe I have responsibility here. Fortunately they are middle class and not expecting anything, evidenced by her mother have a recent stroke, I was not asked or expected to help.  

Find that living below the radar works for me.

 

[Gandang Smile]

6 hours ago, Shady said:

The single most destructive element in any Fil-Expat relationship: the Filipina mom. Unless you enjoy being a long-nosed ATM, (and apparently some do) best to find a partner without one.

It's not that they are inherently evil or anything, it's the idea in the daughters mind - again part of the 'we all help each-other' culture that is in fact so friendly to strangers - that she, and now you as her partner, are obligated to provide for her mother's financial needs.

My C is unfortunately an orphan, she lost her Dad when she was 17 and her Mom 3 years ago, a few weeks after we started dating more seriously. I never had the pleasure to meet her Mom. Her closest family here is her Mom's elder sister, who lives in Makati and also recently lost her husband.

I could say I have been lucky to find a girl who is not only fully independent, but coming from an upper class family who wouldn't even begin to entertain the idea of turning to me for financial help. Ironically, as I am part of the family, I am the recipient of C's auntie's kindness from time to time...

Reality is, it took me a very long time, living here in the Philippines, to find this kind of girl. I liked a few of the girls I dated but I was very aware of the general stickiness of their families.

In a couple of cases, I even found myself in the embarrassing position of being liked by the girl's moms (as a provider) more than by the girl herself. 

I think it's a cultural trait of the Filipino that the strongest family members are expected to step in and provide whatever help the rest of the family needs. In principle I have no trouble with that. Unfortunately this tends to become a massive incentive for certain family members to get sticky and claim unlimited financial assistance as if it was a birthright.

Worst still, they sometimes get lazy and do stupid things, in the notion that someone will be there to cover them.

Case in point, about my friend/business partner married with a Filipina. Wife's sister got pregnant with her boyfriend and, as I heard, they did it on purpose because they were convinced that my friend would be there to give them some cash every month. Neither of them even finished high school or have a job and they live in the deep province, where opportunities are scarce.

[hk blues]

3 hours ago, RBM said:

Find that living below the radar works for me.

 

100% this

[Old55]

24 minutes ago, Gandang Smile said:

My C is unfortunately an orphan, she lost her Dad when she was 17 and her Mom 3 years ago, a few weeks after we started dating more seriously. I never had the pleasure to meet her Mom. Her closest family here is her Mom's elder sister, who lives in Makati and also recently lost her husband.

I could say I have been lucky to find a girl who is not only fully independent, but coming from an upper class family who wouldn't even begin to entertain the idea of turning to me for financial help. Ironically, as I am part of the family, I am the recipient of C's auntie's kindness from time to time...

Reality is, it took me a very long time, living here in the Philippines, to find this kind of girl. I liked a few of the girls I dated but I was very aware of the general stickiness of their families.

In a couple of cases, I even found myself in the embarrassing position of being liked by the girl's moms (as a provider) more than by the girl herself. 

I think it's a cultural trait of the Filipino that the strongest family members are expected to step in and provide whatever help the rest of the family needs. In principle I have no trouble with that. Unfortunately this tends to become a massive incentive for certain family members to get sticky and claim unlimited financial assistance as if it was a birthright.

Worst still, they sometimes get lazy and do stupid things, in the notion that someone will be there to cover them.

Case in point, about my friend/business partner married with a Filipina. Wife's sister got pregnant with her boyfriend and, as I heard, they did it on purpose because they were convinced that my friend would be there to give them some cash every month. Neither of them even finished high school or have a job and they live in the deep province, where opportunities are scarce.

While I appreciate your perspective could we please keep to the original topic? 

 

[Gandang Smile]

18 minutes ago, Old55 said:

While I appreciate your perspective could we please keep to the original topic? 

To summarise my opinion: Filipinos are generally not so friendly towards us foreigners and, when they are, it's because they are hoping to get something out of their interactions with us. Lower class people are hoping for financial support, if not a long-term foreign provider for themselves and their families. Middle and upper class people may occasionally engage us for functional, business-related relationships, not differently from what we would expect in the US or UK.

I think I have lived there long enough to establish this with reasonable certainty.

On the topic of friends: I have no Filipino friends. I had to be very open and engage with a lot of locals in Davao, during my company time, and only got disappointments and headaches. Now living in Manila, tired of that, I am living "below the radar" (as @RBM put it) and only interacting with Filipinos when I absolutely have to (e.g. construction workers, condo staff).

Edited January 4, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[hk blues]

3 minutes ago, Gandang Smile said:

Why totally vague? At every reply I am giving more and more details, drawn by experience, on the topic of Filipinos being genuinely friendly (or not).

It's not part of Old's post content Gandang Smile - it's at the end of all of his posts.

[Gandang Smile]

8 minutes ago, hk blues said:

It's not part of Old's post content Gandang Smile - it's at the end of all of his posts.

Oh that's true, sorry. I removed my initial question from the post.

 

Edited January 4, 2021 by Gandang Smile