Smiling faces.... Are Filipinos truly friendly? Do you have Filipino friends?

[Gandang Smile]

7 hours ago, OnMyWay said:

Gandang's reason for coming to the Philippines was slightly different that most of us.  He is younger, with many options in life.  Not on a fixed income, etc.  A big reason for coming to the Philippines for many is to lower costs during retirement.  I think most of us knew some of the downsides of the Philippines before moving, and accepted them, as a trade-off.  In Gandang's case, it seems he should have joined this forum BEFORE moving, and it might have prepared him better for some of the irritations of living here, or convinced him not to move here.

Some of the things Gandang and others have brought up ring true.  It all depends on your perception and expectations.  Personally, I have isolated myself from many of the negatives of living here, and could continue to live here.  However, I want my two young daughters to be exposed to a different way of living, so we will move to the U.S.  There are many negatives for children living in the U.S. too, but overall, we think the positives outweigh the negatives.

I think the two statements above might be the best key to interpret our discordant opinions.

I came here for what we could call a buffet of opportunities and advantages:

• the opportunity to set up an offshore IT business that could use local (Davao) talent combined with my experience and that of my partner in London (who, needless to say, also found a Filipina and married her)
• trading the complex, brutal, dog-eat-dog mentality of the City of London for a location where, as I believed, it would be easier to find friends for a casual conversation over beer and grilled seafood; I admit there was a hint of white privilege in my conviction that, as a guy from London, I would attract higher relative social value and respect than I was able to back in the UK
• spending maybe 2-4 years working hard to establish the company and then take it easier and let my staff run it: at that point, in my mind movie, I would have a nice place to live, a stable girlfriend or wife, a decent income and plenty of time to island hop and discover the beauty of South East Asia
• last but not least, find the kind of girl I could only dream to date in Feminist Blighty: a young, pretty, smart, educated, feminine, sweet and devoted girl.

Reading back what I just wrote, I am laughing as I am sure you all are. Yet, when I arrived here in August 2015, none of the above sounded like a joke. It all looked eminently attainable. After all, I wasn't looking to become a millionaire, just pull a decent income while helping local kids develop their software skills.

I wasn't looking for nuclear scientists to team up with to change the world, just a few people I could trust and could be there for when they needed me, and vice-versa.

I wasn't looking for Liza Soberano, just a cute girl with some command of the English language and who could love me for who I am, not for what I could provide her and her family.

To answer your question, @Old55, knowing that most members in this forum are mature Western men who planned their well-deserved retirement years in a placid location around a nice forest or beach, or had a few of those and then wound up back home with their Filipina wives and kids, I would have realised that my situation isn't the same. Given my state of mind at the time, I would have probably concluded that my plan would work anyway, and it was well worth a shot. I clearly was blinded by my earlier experience in Davao and it's unlikely I would have heard anybody trying to pour cold water on my escapist parade.

With hindsight, I can say that 90% of the plan did not work at all but I managed to adapt and pivot to something more self-centred and cost-effective: working on my own in Manila, no company office, only hiring Indonesians freelancers instead of Filipinos permanents, etc.

Finding so many negative sides in the typical Filipino, or at least the typical Mindanaon, was disappointing and frustrating, disturbing some times. I was annoyed to find that everybody was out to get something off me without giving back even the basic elements of respect, loyalty, or commitment. I was even more annoyed to see that these people would pull this behaviour against their fellow Filipinos, their immediate family and closest friends, their colleagues and associates, down to complete strangers.

And yet, as I concluded, I only have myself to blame if I kept my suspension of belief enabled for too long, and I went straight from a movie by Luc Besson to one by Frank Capra. My most obvious "20/20 hindsight" conclusion was that it would have been infinitely better off without the part about starting, running and winding down the business, working on my own clients 4 hours a day, and living it large in a big house with private pool in a subdivision.

Well, as all of you will agree, life goes on and the best part of making a mistake is that we can learn from it. I surely did that and, if anything, I can see the Filipino society and culture for what it really is, filter out the (many) negatives and let the few glimpses of hopes and progress shine through even more.

Edited January 3, 2021 by Gandang Smile

[Kuya John]

Really hope you find what it is you are looking for.....

[Terry P]

15 minutes ago, Kuya John said:

Really hope you find what it is you are looking for.....

U2 song springs to mind🤔🤔

[stevewool]

7 hours ago, Gandang Smile said:

Thanks a lot @stevewool: wise and kind words. 

You know, when I first came to the Philippines in 2013, for an all-relax vacation in Samal Island (front of Davao), I thought the Philippines was paradise on earth. The weather was beautiful and in stark contrast with the fog and gloom of mid-winter Chilterns (I was living in High Wycombe at the time). The coral sea was inviting and everyone around greeted me with a smile, despite their condition of extreme frugality was there for me to see.

By the time I flew back to England, I had my brain jam-packed with all sorts of meaningful and tearjerking stories, many of which, I am sure, you heard too.

I remember sitting at a wooden table by the beach with the owner of the hostel I was staying in, on Christmas day 2013. Two small kids, one of whom, a girl, was blind in one eye, came by skipping and giggling. "Merry Christmas Sir" and they improvised an unimpressive rendition of a Christmas song I don't remember anymore. Two minutes later I fumbled in my pocket for spare change and found two 10 pesos coins, one for each kid.

They looked at each other with an even larger smile, jumped and high-fived, then skipped away the same way they came. I would have bet they were jumping a bit higher this time.

20 pesos was the price for something undescribable. Fresh from the separation from my ex-wife, the brutal routine of my City life still weighing on me like an old rusty armour, I started to feel some fresh salty water poured on existential wounds I didn't even know existed.

Aries, the hostel owner said he was happy I gave 20 pesos to the kids. "They will be buying themselves some Christmas candy" I said.  "Well, no", Aries interjected. "They will go back to their parents and use that money to buy rice for everyone".

"That's probably the only meal they'll have today".

Yes I wore those same rose tinted glasses when I first came, was wearing them the 2nd and 3rd time too , but after awhile the lenses fell out and then you see what is really around you, 

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, stevewool said:

after awhile the lenses fell out and then you see what is really around you, 

 You will be back, Trust me 

[Terry P]

3 minutes ago, stevewool said:

Yes I wore those same rose tinted glasses when I first came, was wearing them the 2nd and 3rd time too , but after awhile the lenses fell out and then you see what is really around you, 

Should have gone to Specsavers!!

[Kuya John]

13 minutes ago, Jack Peterson said:

 You will be back, Trust me 

South Pacific-Bali Hai - YouTube

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Kuya John said:

South Pacific-Bali Hai - YouTube

 If you don't have a dream Even 

[Eddie1]

21 minutes ago, stevewool said:

Yes I wore those same rose tinted glasses when I first came, was wearing them the 2nd and 3rd time too , but after awhile the lenses fell out and then you see what is really around you, 

Sad to say Steve but from what I recall of your visits here to the Phils, 'what is around you' is your wife's family... and she should have put them firmly in place during your first visit so that your subsequent visits could be properly enjoyed instead of all the hassle and crap they give you.

[OnMyWay]

19 minutes ago, Kuya John said:

South Pacific-Bali Hai - YouTube

I think the smiling South Pacific faces (and other bits) that got my attention were in these!