Annoying Local Behavior

[Tommy T.]

We had a worker here for a couple of weeks... He decided to quit because it was too quiet here...! imagine that. Anyway, he worked on Saturday and then I paid him off for his time. I thanked him for his work. Then L told him (I learned later) to thank me too. And then he forced a smile and said thank you to me. He would not have done so had she not told him. It just is not in everyone's nature here so much as I am accustomed to in USA. And this trait pisses L off a lot. She gets very irritated when people do not thank her for something she has provided or done for people. Just last week she visited with her family in the province and brought three S & R pizzas with her... She told me that nobody  thanked her for them... and that pissed her off too!

Maybe this is being a bit petty... and maybe I am belaboring a point here... But when I was a little kid, some of the first things I was taught was manners and to simply say please and thank you. Either that is not taught here, or people forget or ignore these concepts? Sorry.... mini-rant over... Thank you!

Edited March 23, 2023 by Tommy T.

[Viking]

4 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

We had a worker here for a couple of weeks... He decided to quit because it was too quiet here...! imagine that. Anyway, he worked on Saturday and then I paid him off for his time. I thanked him for his work. Then L told him (I learned later) to thank me too. And then he forced a smile and said thank you to me. He would not have done so had she not told him. It just is not in everyone's nature here so much as I am accustomed to in USA. And this trait pisses L off a lot. She gets very irritated when people do not thank her for something she has provided or done for people. Just last week she visited with her family in the province and brought three S & R pizzas with her... She told me that nobody  thanked her for them... and that pissed her off too!

Maybe this is being a bit petty... and maybe I am belaboring a point here... But when I was a little kid, some of the first things I was taught was manners and to simply say please and thank you. Either that is not taught here, or people forget or ignore these concepts? Sorry.... mini-rant over... Thank you!

I agree with you 100 %

I also find it very annoying when people aren't saying thank you after they have received something. It's so easy and cost nothing.

Not everyone is like this, but surprisingly many.

[Gator]

13 hours ago, Tommy T. said:

 Just last week she visited with her family in the province and brought three S & R pizzas with her... She told me that nobody  thanked her for them... and that pissed her off too!

Maybe this is being a bit petty... and maybe I am belaboring a point here... But when I was a little kid, some of the first things I was taught was manners and to simply say please and thank you. Either that is not taught here, or people forget or ignore these concepts? Sorry.... mini-rant over... Thank you!

Easy fix for that. Next time she visits go empty handed.  They’ll likely be expecting the same - some food or pasalobong. When nothing is produced they’ll likely ask why or where it’s at. She can simply reply that the last time no seemed to appreciate her kindness and not one person bothered to say thanks. And if they don’t say anything about not getting food or gifts then she doesn’t need to bring anything in the future.  
 

I was raised the same way, to say please and to be grateful for even the smallest of gifts. It’s seems here the words “please” and “may I” have been replaced with “Hey, gimme”, which I find extremely annoying. I know that sometimes it’s due to a lack of English language skills, but more often than not it’s just how they were raised…..no manners and me first. 

[Old55]

I may be overthinking this (likely). For a Filipino to acknowledging a favor or gift could that cause a loss of face or accept some sort of obligation or admitting a lower pecking order? 

A lot of this culture is subtle and not sure how much we actually see or understand or fit into.

Edited March 23, 2023 by Old55

[Viking]

26 minutes ago, Old55 said:

I may be overthinking this (likely). For a Filipino to acknowledging a favor or gift could that cause a loss of face or accept some sort of obligation or admitting a lower pecking order? 

A lot of this culture is subtle and not sure how much we actually see or understand or fit into.

It could be like that, but I doubt it.

The same people who never say thank you after receiving something, don't have any problems asking for a gift.

Many people do say thanks, but a surprisingly large number don't. That's my experience.

[Mike J]

36 minutes ago, Old55 said:

I may be overthinking this (likely). For a Filipino to acknowledging a favor or gift could that cause a loss of face or accept some sort of obligation or admitting a lower pecking order? 

A lot of this culture is subtle and not sure how much we actually see or understand or fit into.

I asked my wife about the often lack of "thank you" or any real sense of appreciation when gifting/giving to family etc.  Her response was surprising to me as it showed the difference in western versus Philippine culture.  Basically what she said was that the Filipino's expectation is that if you have the means you will provide small gifts, food, money, etc. for your extended family, if you are an employer it is your duty to pay  him/her.  These are "duties" on your part, expectations on there's.  We as Western's are surprised and disappointed there is not a "Thank You", and the Filipino may be disappointed and/or confused and don't understand why we expect gratitude for something we should be doing as family, friend, or employer, etc.  I think Filipinos see "thank you" as a gesture of gratitude, and why should there be gratitude shown when someone doing what is right, proper, fulfilling your duty, etc.   Neither party is right or wrong, it just is what it is.  I admit it used to bother my a lot, now not really, but I do enjoy it when I am thanked. 

My observation and opinion of course, and I am often wrong. 

Edited March 23, 2023 by Mike J

[Tommy T.]

I guess my main point from my previous post was that my partner, L, who is total Filipina expressed disappointment to me that her family members did not thank her buying and bringing the pizzas to her siblings. There was no discussion of Filipino culture with this... She told me this without prompting... just out with it. She is a school teacher and one of three "uniformed" employees in the family. As such, she is looked upon as one of the wealthiest breadwinners. So this was her view of her visit with her family.

I will add that some members of her family ask for their Christmas gift to be given early?!! And a close associate of her family who often does work for us here at our home called L to inform her that it was her birthday and give give her a gift... the word please was not part of this request... I was a bit shocked by this, L just took it in stride...

Edited March 24, 2023 by Tommy T.

[Old55]

39 minutes ago, Mike J said:

I asked my wife about the often lack of "thank you" or any real sense of appreciation when gifting/giving to family etc.  Her response was surprising to me as it showed the difference in western versus Philippine culture.  Basically what she said was that the Filipino's expectation is that if you have the means you will provide small gifts, food, money, etc. for your extended family, if you are an employer it is your duty to pay  him/her.  These are "duties" on your part, expectations on there's.  We as Western's are surprised and disappointed there is not a "Thank You", and the Filipino may be disappointed and/or confused and don't understand why we expect gratitude for something we should be doing as family, friend, or employer, etc.  I think Filipinos see "thank you" as a gesture of gratitude, and why should there be gratitude shown when someone doing what is right, proper, fulfilling your duty, etc.   Neither party is right or wrong, it just is what it is.  I admit it used to bother my a lot, now not really, but I do enjoy it when I am thanked. 

My observation and opinion of course, and I am often wrong. 

Mike, this best describes much of what we've experienced. Now that you explain it I realize this is exactly what we've been involved with. It's an expected duty. In a way I kinda knew this but how your wife expand it make that very clear to me. Ann or her sister never spelled it out in simple terms not that they were hiding anything. Good to know thank you. 

[RBM]

16 hours ago, OnMyWay said:

No sure if this has been mentioned.  Some people, and maybe this is usually family, are so bold to just flat our ask for something.  Like a gift, but for no occasion.  My wife has one sister who does this, semi-jokingly.

Our neighbor has a stay-out maid that my wife talks to sometimes and my wife is nice to her.  Yesterday my wife gave her a piece of cake, and the first words out of her mouth were "Does it come with a drink?".  No manners.

A wise man once said......Give them what they need not what they want.................

[Onemore52]

We both went to the local SM on Wednesday and I suggested she drive, at the car park like a true local she parked the car as close to the entrance as possible, I came out later to put the groceries in the car and having a shopping trolley with me I couldn’t get to the car because of the other cars parking so close to our car.

Yesterday I went to the same SM, same car park but I parked the car in the furthest park away from the entrance, and came back 2 hours later and there wasn’t any other cars within spitting distance from it.

When I feel like watching a comedy show I stand in the car park and watch them how they will go to any lengths to park as close as they can to the entrance, sometimes doing ten point turns to get into the park