Can An X Bar Girl Make A Good Wife??

[Travis]

my opinion has not changed coz I feel that anyone who sells their body is incapable of knowing the real value of hard earned worked for it money & love. I hope things worked out for Paol & I am sure the lady will make him happy in bed with all her experience but there is more to life than just sex & my gut tells me that if he has not been back in touch with Lee all this time then he is ashamed to do so

Hey Traveler,Yeah, you may be right about that. Nearly 18 months without contact with Lee. I sincerely hope that they are both OK. If he does come in contact with Lee, Paol's story (positive or negative) would be thenext hot thread. I just hope that we will be able to help both of them before it's too late. I'm stressing the word both for balance. Sometimes the men folk carries secret bagages (adverse personality) upon arrival.Now getting back to the subject. As a Filipino (born in Olongapo) I feel really bad to see many Pinays in night clubs. I have personally observed this during my young and foolish days as a US sailor. One particular night club is stateside. Yep, the Lordes Club in National City, CA. The ladies are called WestPacwidows. Perhaps my military forum buddies could further define that one. The bottom line is really --who is the victim?? At the very top of the obvious scale, men can sometimes be the major problem of anyrelationship.The question remains: I'm sorry to say that odds are against the x-bar girls reforming to our definition ofnormal life. Yeah, right -- what is normal?DOM forever -- JakePS - You know, you and I think alike -- must be that mutual vibration from our virtual motorcycle ride he, he.

thanks Jake for the pm directing me here & yes we seem to have similar ideas so we will have to share some mojos if you get to Cebu someday. I am kind of a loner & do not wish to meet most people unless I have a good feel for them but you seem genuine. I hope Paol will at least reply to Lee & tell him that he is still alive & I really pray he found happiness with his lady but the chances of success do not seem to be there for those types of relationships. 1 thing I do often wonder when I read of some unhappy marriages is how many of those guys ended up marrying a bar girls & never knew it. I know that many of the ladies working the internet cafes & walking around the malls dress very provocative so I often think maybe they are bar girls at night. has anyone checked into that or seen the same thing I have? Paol let us know what has happened if you are reading this

[Art2ro]

Well, don't sell anyone short! Paol and his girlfriend or wife by now may just be on a long long long honeymoon and doesn't want to be disturbed! Would anyone want to be disturbed while on their honeymoon? The plot thickens!:th_noproblem:

[tropicalwaste]

This story is quite different than most I have read on this subject. Most are trying to rehabilitate the girl out of the bar scene, which is a loosing proposition most of the time.There are very few women who actually make it out of that scene with their morals and psyche in tact, much less the intestinal fortitude and fiscal responsibility to start a start a successful business.If everything is as it seems and there is no evasion or deceit going on, I think he has a reasonable chance to make the relationship work.She realized the pitfalls of her previous profession and found a way out on her own. That is the most important part. The only way to know for certain is to spend more time with her and make sure there are no deep seeded psychological issues hiding under the surface. There is no reason to rush into marriage, just spend quality time together and make sure things are as they seem.

Bobs words pretty much say what i think as well so no point me rewriting it.

[Inspector]

Well, I must admit something here.I, the Inspector.... was a barguy. Yes, the Inspector wore a g-string and swung on a pole, falling only on occasion....barfined quite often, I might add. Did it leave me with any scars?...emotionally? No...but I have one hell of a itch on my balls. The way I look at it, the woman can be fat, old and treat me like the whore I have become as I chase ping pong balls all over a bar...but as long as you have an imagination, and realize the pleasures of my clients is of my utmost importance, I shall make a living and eventually open up that piggery I have always had a dream of. Sure, my eventual wife will ask me how many woman I have pleasured as a barguy, and to her I say...does it matter, provided her orgasm was real and I didn't use the "good" towel to clean up the little Inspectors? I can handle being called bar slut, simply because I would rather make love and not war...unless the war was against crabs....a battle we ALL need to win.

Edited June 18, 2010 by Inspector

[Mr Lee]

OK all, I just received a lenghty reply from Paol and I am going to have to clean it up some before I posts it, and that may take some time. He is still in the Philippines and still with his lady but having a hard time with some issues and once I post it then it will be easier for you all to understand. I sure wish we had a section that his post would better fit into where family type members would not feel offended by the words included but I will do my best to clean it up and put some type of warning at the top for people to not read my post if they are easily offended by sexual issues.  Stay tuned and Paol if you are reading then you fully understand why I wrote this and I will do my best to get your email posted as soon as I am done.

[Jake]

OK all, I just received a lenghty reply from Paol and I am going to have to clean it up some before I posts it, and that may take some time. He is still in the Philippines and still with his lady but having a hard time with some issues and once I post it then it will be easier for you all to understand. I sure wish we had a section that his post would better fit into where family type members would not feel offended by the words included but I will do my best to clean it up and put some type of warning at the top for people to not read my post if they are easily offended by sexual issues. Stay tuned and Paol if you are reading then you fully understand why I wrote this and I will do my best to get your email posted as soon as I am done.

Way to go Big Brother Lee. Should I break out the pop corn for the upcoming drama?Respectfully -- Jake

[Mr Lee]

OK below is the copy and paste of the reply I got from Paol, but please understand that a lot of it had to be edited for this forum and when you read it then you will understand why. I also had to put in the separations because it would not format when pasted and just clumped together.  I had to delete some sentences and replace some words so it may not all be totally in order but I am already tired from trying to make it forum readable. and yes it is a novel so do not bother to read it unless you wish to. Also please cut him some slack or put yourself in his shoes.  

Again a disclaimer, this is not my forum and I have told him so in the past and I guess that is just how he refers to it. 

Warning!!! Please note, DO NOT READ if you are easily offended by sexual talk. Do Not complain if you read it and are offended by any part of it. I did my best to edit out the worst of it. 

 Hi Lee

Your email came at a great time when I am being torn apart and do not know which way to turn. I hope you can take the time to help me.  I had to write this in the middle of the night because she would be devastated if she knew I discussed her past with strangers. I am going to refer to her as she in case anyone puts 2 + 2 together. . 

...

Lee I am very sorry but I still cannot get up the guts to post about my life on your forum because I am sensitive and would not be happy if someone attacked me. I also decided to not use my first name when I moved here in case I bunk into anyone from this forum or even you. I also know that marrying or in my case living with a former bar girl can be quite controversial. I have read forums where anyone who mentions relationships with bar girls gets attacked and called stupid. Maybe I am? I am also not sure that some of the things I am going to tell you here would be acceptable for you to put on your forum but you are welcome to delete or change my email and post it if you wish because I am interested to see if anyone would have stayed as long as I already have. I just pray that I will never meet anyone who reads this. . 

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My friend I realize that I need to apologize to you so I am very sorry that I have not been in touch with you after all the kind things you have done for me and time you spent helping me. I have been embarrassed to email you because you and others would just say I told you so but we are still trying to make things work and I am still in the Philippines and yes we have problems in our relationship and I am trying to deal with it all. I believe every relationship has some problems but I am sure not these. I know that my problems are magnified by the things in her past and my not being able to deal with them all. If it were not for her past then she would probably be the perfect wife, smart, beautiful, sexy, a great lover and a even better friend who is a better person than I am in dealing with her past. I am trying hard but I do not know if I will ever be able to forget or at least accept her past. I wonder if anyone knows just how much some bar girls must put up with and do? She tells me it is common. Is she telling the truth? Are there that many sick men out there? I would have never imagines it all. . 

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I have to tell you that I am also having a very hard time adjusting to life in the Philippines and I am struggling with the language. I know you told me what it would be like but I did not totally believe you and some forums make this place sound like heaven on earth while others make it out to be hell and that it is not. One thing I find hard is that I have to know what people are saying behind my back and the language is very hard for me to learn. The next hardest thing for me is the heat, the pollution and the rains or lack thereof at times which would help cool things down and also help to keep the pollution down. .  

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I have found that you were correct and that there is a tremendous difference between being on vacation here and now living here. I wonder if others have found the same to be true? I struggle daily with frustration whenever I try to get anything done and have to rely on her to do it for us. I feel like I am a baby who has to be cared for and I do not know how men without partners or friends manage. I was a take charge kind of guy and now feel like a wuss and it is very hard to live with. . 

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We are still not married and she seems fine with that. I asked her to take birth control and while she was adverse at first because she had hoped for children, she seems to have accepted that I do not want kids for now and I am not sure that I ever will if we continue to live here. I made her take a medical for sexual diseases and I had one to make sure I did not catch anything from her before and by a miracle it all turned out Okey. Should I bring her back to the states? How much would I have to show in income to be able to qualify to bring her back? I am willing to take the chance that she might leave me if she gets to the states but is the states far enough away that we would never run into anyone she knew in the past since many of her clients were apparently Americans. More on that later. . 

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Life here is simple while also very complicated and I really do not know how to put it into words. The worst thing I had to face was when she bunked into an old client while we were walking around a major mall here and he said some unkind words to her and I wanted to kill him but she restrained me and then told me that would have to be the part of her past life that I would have to accept. I never thought it would happen and it never even crossed my mind because we are on a different island then she said she used to work. . 

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Living with someone who did that for a living in her past was hard for me but having others know what she was is even harder for me to accept and has kept me awake many nights after we bunked into that guy. He was such a low life and then just thinking of her having had sex with him made me sick and sometimes comes into my mind while I am having sex with her and makes me go soft instantly. How could she have sex with some of these obvious losers even for all the money in the world. How could she even stand the smell or in his case the beard, dirty clothes, smell of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath that I could smell from 5 feet away and his long dirty hair. What a piece of human waste this guy was and he must have weighed 300 pounds or more. How can a girl that weighs so little have sex with a fat smelly slob like him. . 

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After that I would find myself staying awake nights thinking of what some of the others she had sex with might look like and trying hard to not ask her about it and finally after weeks I could hold it no longer and asked her if most were obvious human garbage like that guy and she said not all and then I asked her to explain, man am I sorry I did because one thing just chained to the next and more of her past came out and while it was like pulling teeth at first she eventually opened the flood gates and said she felt better that I now know it all but I wish I never asked or even more then that wish it never happened to her and that I could have met her before it all happened. Oh how I wish I could have met her before it all happened. I know I should have expected these things but I had my head in refusal and I did not want to know until this came about and then I found myself wanting to know it all while at the same time not wanting to hear it. It is all like a terrible dream. I never dreamed men would make these sweet innocent ladies do the things some of those men made her do. I cannot believe those guys were even human. . 

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Okey so here it is, it turns out that she had sex with men of all races and lost track of how many and she had done many things that I just could not dream of her doing, she seems so sweet and innocent. She then told me that some guys had even taken nude pictures of her and then my question was, did they take pictures of you and them having sex and when she answered yes my heart dropped to the floor and I broke into a sweat and felt very sick and thought I was going to pass out. I should have quit while I was already behind but foolish me then asked her if she had group sex or sex with multiple partners and I could see that she was reluctant to answer but she finally said yes and then I asked how many and she said that the most men she had sex with at one time was 3 and all at once and she said that lasted all night and into the next day and that they even XXXXXXX on her in the shower and if that was not bad enough, they did some more disgusting things to her and when the date was over she said she had to take a week off from work because she was exhausted and so sore. She told me that she never wanted to do those things, it seems they forced it on her by the other men letting themselves into the room while the guy who bar fined her was having sex with her and they were hot and heavy into it. She said they paid her much more money when she protested and then one thing led to another and she then had regular customers who would pay her well for those group sessions and some of them were couples who wanted her to have sex with both of them. I guess it is a good thing that I am well endowed or that would have been the deal breaker right then and there. She also went on to tell me that she had sex with men and women but never women alone and that one night while at a swap party that one customer brought her to and paid her very well for, she said that she must have had sex with at least a dozen different men one right after the other but lost count because some came back for more and that party went on all night and all day as well.  . 

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Man oh man oh man I could never say all this on a forum and have others call me an idiot but I still love her but I cannot get these images of her and others out of my mind. I know she has never cheated on me since we have been together but how can I let the past be the past when I know all these things and what if she bunks into someone she knew while she is out alone. I just have a hard time trusting her. . 

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One terrible nightmare I keep having is that someone will show up with pictures of some of those orgies and lay them on me or I will see them on the internet. . 

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I know most men dream of a threesome with another woman and I am one of them but the thought of her having sex with a bunch of guys and them slobbering and XXXXXXX and XXXXXXXX all over here makes me sick. How the hell can a woman allow herself to be so humiliated. I asked her and she had no answer except to say she had a goal. .

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I read pinays were submissive but not slaves and a person would have to put themselves into the slave mentality to do the things she let them do to her. I often wonder if I am even satisfying her when we make love and while I know she climaxes, I have to wonder how many times she must have climaxed when with that group of men and even when with other women. That is one thing she refuses to discuss at length and claims she never enjoyed it. Should I believe her? . 

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So now you know why I cannot post on the forum and why I probably can never even face you and your wife if we ever end up in the same place. I know that the problem is mine and she seems to deal with it or at least she does not tell me how she is dealing with it all. She seems to have put the past in the past but how do I get those images out of my mind now that I have opened Pandora's box. Why the hell did I open Pandora's box. . 

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I know you and others probably do not have answers for any of this and some men might be able to deal with it all but I am having a very hard time and I find myself very torn and keep thinking of leaving her but at the same time think she is one fantastic woman if I can just get past her past. .

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I keep thinking that maybe if I bring her back to the state that would be better? . 

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I can tell you that you were correct and dynamite does come in small packages and I know why all those men must have wanted her but I just cannot understand how she could allow herself to be used and abused by them. I thought that her clients would have been normal men and not trash and not have done all those crazy things to her but from what she has now told me most of them were trash and obviously most drank and smoked and were perverts of one type or another and many were married men and I know that many did things to her that I could never even dream of doing to her. . 

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How the heck can she look so innocent and still have such a sordid past. I look into her eyes and see innocence and I did not wish to believe she would ever do some of the things she has now begrudgingly told me about. . 

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I wish we never ran into that guy and none of this would have ever come up but it has and I am having a terrible time dealing with it all. I have had to keep it all in until now and I thank you very much for letting me unload all this on you. I really needed a friend about now and your email came along at just the right time when I was going out of my mind. I am sure you have to know that I could never mention all this to someone who I know. . 

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I know you used to work in a strip club so did those girls there do all these things. Would you have ever married one of them? How would you deal with their past? I wonder if anyone on your forum would accept a woman who has done all these perverted things?  

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Your email friend and I pray you understand why I cannot face you. . 

Paol

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OK all, so you have read this novel. I am at a total loss as to what to tell him to do. Anyone wish to put in their input but please be nice and do not attack him. I can see by his email that he is troubled enough by all he has learned and I know that I could not have even done what he has already done, so I am no one to comment on this. Paol you are already a better man than I am just for sticking it out and trying to forgive her past. 

[Art2ro]

It's 4am RP time zone and I just had to get up and take a leak and decided to turn on my PC just for a quick look and saw Big Brother Lee's novel concerning Paol, which I know isn't his real name for obvious reasons! Anyway, I don't find Paol's story a tear jerker at all, because his isn't the only similar story I have heard! :th_noproblem::lol:Does anyone remember the oldies movie "The World of Suzie Wong" with actor Bill Holden and a Chinese actress? Well, it's the same scenario! BTW, I forget how it ended, fill me in to jog my memory!I'll just stop here for now and continue this later to give you my opinion and or suggestions later, but I'm sure there will be others ahead of me with their own inputs before I wake up from my sleep in a few hours from now.

Edited June 18, 2010 by Pinoy Art

[Travis]

It's 4am RP time zone and I just had to get up and take a leak and decided to turn on my PC just for a quick look and saw Big Brother Lee's novel concerning Paol, which I know isn't his real name for obvious reasons! Anyway, I don't find Paol's story a tear jerker at all, because his isn't the only similar story I have heard!Does anyone remember the oldies movie "The World of Suzie Wong" with actor Bill Holden and a Chinese actress? Well, it's the same scenario! BTW, I forget how it ended, fill me in to jog my memory!I'll just stop here for now and continue this later to give you my opinion and or suggestions later, but I'm sure there will be others ahead of me with their own inputs before I wake up from my sleep in a few hours from now.

4 o'clock either you or I have to get our clocks fixed. sorry Paol about my earlier comments but what did you think a whore does when she is with men? I do not mean to be too blunt but accept it or move on. bargirl is just a whore by another name & some men can be real pigs & want to do things with bargirls that they otherwise cannot do with their wives or gfs beyond that I wish you much luck & no do not bring her to the states IMO

[Art2ro]

Well Lee, you should have told Paol to follow the "don't ask, don't tell" policy! He has opened Pandora's box by asking his girl friend all about her past and now the sh&t has hit the fan! You know, during WWII, Korean women were kidnapped by the Japanese and were sent to Taiwan as "comfort women" (sex slaves) for the Japanese soldiers. After the war, these Korean women found themselves back home in Korea and most of them took the vow of silence, the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, because they all knew that no man would want to marry them if they found out what they went through in a Japanese camp during the war. Most of their families didn't know where they were and they keep silence about it for 30- 40 years till recently when they were shown on a TV documentary asking for the Japanese Government for an apology of the atrocities inflicted upon the Korean women who were kidnapped and used as sex slave by the Japanese soldiers during the war! You can only guess or imagine what these Korean women went through! This also occurred in the Philippines, but in China most were either raped and or killed after wards, because the Japanese considered the Chinese lower than animals! Yeah, Paol's situation was a train wreck waiting to happen! He should have heeded all of your advice to him and saw all the warning signs and followed the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but he persisted in asking anyway! Well, he is now in a big predicament! How will he handle all this, now that his girl friend has spilled the beans? For me, if I can't accept her for what she is, I would pack up, leave, don't look back and start all over again! But if Paol has compassion and a good sound head between his shoulders and truly loves and accepts his girl friend for who she is, then he should give her a chance to see if things will work out! He will never know unless he gives her a chance and vise versa, because it's her choice too! I'll leave it at that and not comment any further, because it's all up to Paol in the end with what he wants to do with his life!

Edited June 19, 2010 by Pinoy Art