Can An X Bar Girl Make A Good Wife??

[Mr Tropic]

I agree that for Poal to dig up all the details of her past was really dumb. Honestly if everyone new all the details of each others past it would certain change allot of opinions about each other. We all have made some bad mistakes, thats part of life and learning. I feel you need to learn to forgive especially in his case where he loves this gal. But.......... you do need to make logical decisions on the present and future action for both her and yourself. To stay on Topic here after living here for 9 years I have gotten to know some girls that worked in the bars either as dances, or waitress or gro's or ? My opinion is that like any girls they can make good wifes or partners. But it depends on several factors. The longer they are working the more corrupt they get, the "easy" money really jades them into thinking that guys are just atm machines that will put out if they do. I think some of the girls are bar girls even before they start working and some get talked into it by girl friends and just hate it and quit. They are the ones that could make a good wife but the long time bar girls would be high risk in my opinion. Like with any relationship you need to take it slow and get to know that person really well. The rule of thumb is at lease two years before making any serious major life decisions like getting married, kids, business etc. Even then it ain't easy all the time. It is Poal's personal choice to live with a girl who has this past but it would be hard for me to respect her. I mean there are tens of thousands of single gals here that would love to find a nice guy so why pick a gal who has such a dark past. After what he said it would be almost impossible to forget her past even if you can forgive and to have that stuff in you head every day would be a real nightmare for any peace of mind. I have known lots of girls who are from dirt poor families that would never consider the bar life and have survived and found work in other places. It is just hard for some bar girls to stop and work for 180 pesos a day when they are used to thousands of pesos for having fun drinking and (*&(*)*^Just my opinion

[Jake]

Hello Mr Tropic, I took your opinion to heart sir. I found this statement most profound: " After what he said it would be almost impossible to forget her past even if you can forgive and to have that stuff in you head every day would be a real nightmare for any peace of mind". I admire the way you analyze things, like life in general. You and Two Stroke provided some in depth points of view about the inner and dark secrets of that lifestyle. Thank you both!Two Stroke post -- http://www.philippin...findpost&p=4648Respectfully -- Jake

[arioch]

I'm new here (forum),...but not new the the RP or Filipinas.The issue is with Paul. Is he stupid?...as others have labeled him,...no, I don't think so. What he is, is naive.If you get involved with a 'bargirl', you must have an understanding of who that girl is. Yes, she was a prostitute. Imagine the worst things you can think of (sexually and others) and anything short of that is a bonus. Now, with that said, can you still accept her for who she is?,....was?If you can...THEN LEAVE HER PAST IN THE PAST.....He pressed the issue and Pandora's box opened up. I feel bad for the girl, because she now rightly detects that judgment is being passed on her by her lover. She was honest....is he being honest/true to her?I don't have the answers....only he and she can find them. There is one issue that I will disagree with him on....come onto the forum. I think it may help. As far as flaming and attacking go, the mods can handle that and it has also been my experience that other members can police that as well.

[Mr Lee]

I'm new here (forum),...but not new the the RP or Filipinas.The issue is with Paul. Is he stupid?...as others have labeled him,...no, I don't think so. What he is, is naive.If you get involved with a 'bargirl', you must have an understanding of who that girl is. Yes, she was a prostitute. Imagine the worst things you can think of (sexually and others) and anything short of that is a bonus. Now, with that said, can you still accept her for who she is?,....was?If you can...THEN LEAVE HER PAST IN THE PAST.....He pressed the issue and Pandora's box opened up. I feel bad for the girl, because she now rightly detects that judgment is being passed on her by her lover. She was honest....is he being honest/true to her?I don't have the answers....only he and she can find them. There is one issue that I will disagree with him on....come onto the forum. I think it may help. As far as flaming and attacking go, the mods can handle that and it has also been my experience that other members can police that as well.

Thank you for posting your opinion and welcome to the forum. I have been copying and forwarding all posts to him in emails and I believe he is also reading them on the forum based on something he wrote, and I agree that he should come on here himself and post and take the good with the bad but so far I have not convinced him to post. Maybe it is shame or maybe it is fear of being attacked, but IMO I think it is because he feels others would look down on him for even dating an x-bargirl and that is sad because they too are people and while I could not have gone the route he has already taken, I appreciate your view and others views because he accepted her past and should now accept all of her past since he asked, and then seems to have gotten more than he bargained for. She is the same lady he has been with for about year and a half now, and if he is happy with that person then IMO he should just close his mind to all else and try to deal with his own insecurities. This topic has also taught me a lot about acceptance and maybe even changed some of my views of some bargirls. Thank you all and please keep posting and I will be sure to post once Paol answers me with anything substantial, so far it has just been thank you to me for forwarding the posts to him and that he is still with her and trying to deal with it all. 

[arioch]

Come on to the forum Paul. You are welcome here.I think you will be surprised at who has 'been there, done that'.....including myself, if that helps

[Mr Lee]

Come on to the forum Paul. You are welcome here.I think you will be surprised at who has 'been there, done that'.....including myself, if that helps

What might be good for you to do and help Paol and people like him, might be if you feel comfortable posting it, for you to start another topic in this section and tell members about your journey in marriage or what you meant by been there done that yourself. You can click on the start new topic above or below this post and just please remember this is a family type forum while writing, so not too graphic would be appreciated. Thanks. 

[Mr Tropic]

Maybe another topic is best for the "Dating Bar Girls" subject but just to add another side to my experience I did date girls who worked in the bars back in my early days in the PI. I accually met some really nice and sweet gals who I could trust and feel respect and love for. I was not interested in settling down then and would not have chosen a girl with this "work experience" for the exact reason Paul is having issues. I did not ever ask these girl about the details of there sexual experience as I have not asked most of my past girl friends, here or in the states, just didn't care or want to know. Maybe I was afraid they would ask me the same question and then I would really have had some explaining to do before helping her pack her bags! Now to put a religious spin on it Mary Magdalene was a reported prostitute and if so she went on to become the one to spread the word of Jesus after his death with the chance of facing the same death. Acually she was the only one that stayed with Jesus during the crusifixtion and after to care for his body. Now true or not I love the fact that some one put this in the good book for all to read and judge for themselves. As was also said, Judge not unless ye be judged thyself.

[Art2ro]

Maybe another topic is best for the "Dating Bar Girls" subject but just to add another side to my experience I did date girls who worked in the bars back in my early days in the PI. I accually met some really nice and sweet gals who I could trust and feel respect and love for. I was not interested in settling down then and would not have chosen a girl with this "work experience" for the exact reason Paul is having issues. I did not ever ask these girl about the details of there sexual experience as I have not asked most of my past girl friends, here or in the states, just didn't care or want to know. Maybe I was afraid they would ask me the same question and then I would really have had some explaining to do before helping her pack her bags! Now to put a religious spin on it Mary Magdalene was a reported prostitute and if so she went on to become the one to spread the word of Jesus after his death with the chance of facing the same death. Acually she was the only one that stayed with Jesus during the crusifixtion and after to care for his body. Now true or not I love the fact that some one put this in the good book for all to read and judge for themselves. As was also said, Judge not unless ye be judged thyself.

Well, just like in the military they still have "the don't ask, don't tell" policy amongst people with homosexual tendencies! So, that policy should also apply in other social aspects of life! It's just that plain and simple! Why make things complicated? Isn't life in itself already complicated for some as it is? So why add on more to the problem! "Life is what anyone makes it to be!"

[Mr Lee]

Maybe another topic is best for the "Dating Bar Girls" subject but just to add another side to my experience I did date girls who worked in the bars back in my early days in the PI. I accually met some really nice and sweet gals who I could trust and feel respect and love for. I was not interested in settling down then and would not have chosen a girl with this "work experience" for the exact reason Paul is having issues. I did not ever ask these girl about the details of there sexual experience as I have not asked most of my past girl friends, here or in the states, just didn't care or want to know. Maybe I was afraid they would ask me the same question and then I would really have had some explaining to do before helping her pack her bags! Now to put a religious spin on it Mary Magdalene was a reported prostitute and if so she went on to become the one to spread the word of Jesus after his death with the chance of facing the same death. Acually she was the only one that stayed with Jesus during the crusifixtion and after to care for his body. Now true or not I love the fact that some one put this in the good book for all to read and judge for themselves. As was also said, Judge not unless ye be judged thyself.

Mike just to reply to what you wrote. IMO it would be OK for someone such as arioch who alluded to personal experience along those lines or yourself because of what you wrote, to start a new topic about how their relationships worked or did not work out for themselves and why, but since we are trying to keep this as a family type forum, then it would not be best if just any member started a topic on dating bar girls because they might have an ax to grind or try to push their views and lifestyle onto others and again IMO those views and lifestyle would be best kept on, and written about on a nightlife type of forum.  

[f3dragonjedi]

I'll just echo those who've suggested that Paol join the forum, post and get to know some of the members. Learning from others who have similar experiences and having the chance to meet some of the members are 2 of the best aspects of the forum I've found.While I would not judge either Paol or his girl, he is clearly haunted by her past. His feelings about what she did are not going to go away by themsleves. Two options he could possibly consider:1) If you are a believer in such things and truly want the relationship to work, get some type of relationship counseling (like marriage counseling). 2) Take a decent length (like 90 day) "trial separation". The time apart might give him a different perspective on the woman and their relationship.One thing I'm close to sure of. Taking her to the States without directly dealing with the issues they face will not help their problems. Best of luck to you Paol and to your gf.