Can An X Bar Girl Make A Good Wife??

[ekimswish]

Here's my take on this: the first letter seemed fake to me and the second letter seemed fake, but I believe them both. The reason the letter seemed fake is because it was. The story is real, but the life that Paol was envisioning was not. Or, maybe the story wasn't real, and someone just wrote to Mr. Lee out of curiosity as to what people would say. But, hey, I'll give the benefit of the doubt. As fake as it seems, this stuff happens all the time!!!I just assume women are lying. It's a good rule of thumb to start with. The truth will come out eventually, but it's not as important as is the test of time. If you can be with someone a significant amount of time and you still want more, then cool! Be with them! But don't kid yourself, assuming she told you everything. Like someone else said about bar-girls, but applying it to life in general, "assume the worst and anything less than that is a bonus."Virtually every girl I've been with has come out months later and told me a story of an ex or something. Yeah, they bother me, but I ain't innocent either. Besides, as grateful as I am for the story they came out about and told me, I just assume there's still one more hiding in the closet. Pushing for full disclosure on things can not only mess up your perception of the girl you're with but shame her away from being with you. But some guys want to know! That's when it's the girl's job to sugar-coat the truth or leave some things out. I think, relationship-wise, this girl's biggest mistake was full-disclosure. She should've just lied and said that one disgusting fat guy was the exception, and he used to be better looking and clean cut! lol... Then everyone else she slept with were basically businessmen types who were very respectful and clean and were usually repeat customers, to give the impression of a little normality. Before I get ripped (cuz I'm ripped) for saying full disclosure can mess up your perception of the girl, what I mean is the image in your head of someone else doing her. No one wants to think of another guy doing their girl, even if it's in the past, but especially in the present. So although the act was in the past, the image is in the present, and it makes you wanna fight the guy to avenge her (your!) honor. When we move to wife's hometown I'll have to live just a few blocks away from her ex, a guy she had two children with. It pisses me off, thinking of what they did together, but I'd rather drop the issue and focus on making money and doing her better than he did. I don't like the fact that she offered full (?) disclosure. I think when a woman does that, maybe she has some ulterior motives. Girls thrive on mindgames, and I see this as her way of jockeying for position. How, I don't know. I'd have to know everything about their relationship to know that. But everything girls do and say and reveal is measured in the grand scheme of things, so I highly doubt she revealed all because SHE THOUGHT IT'D HELP!!! lol..... nooooooooooo way jose. But if Paol seriously sold everything and moved to the Philippines for this girl dispite people giving him better advice to take it slowly, then what's the point? It's his job to understand his woman and their relationship dynamics and if he views this full-disclosure as I view it - a powerplay - then he should cynically step-back and consider what powermoves he needs to make in response. Someone mentioned a 3 month break or something, and I think that'd be great. I've spent lots of time away from my wife before and after marriage, and it's only reaffirmed for me how much I want to be with her. I haven't even mentioned the original letter, really. Reading it was just like a classic impression any Filipina girl, really, leaves on a foreigner: had a hard life, made some mistakes, but just the sweetest little thing ever, and could care less about money or living abroad; loves you for you, and everyone else on the Yahoo messenger list.So like I said earlier, the story might be real, but not really. And you have to expect that.

Thank you for your comments and I thank everyone else for theirs as well. Since I have never dealt with any bar girls that I knew were bar girls, other than a number of visits to bars in Cebu and sitting and talking with quite a few during those visits, I really have no experience with them and Paol's emails had been an eye openers for me which lead me to ask more questions of some bar girls (during future visits) that I met to see if what he said was the norm yet I had seen and heard most of the same things and worse goings on with prostitutes in the US, so men are men and the things they ask women to do seems to be universal.Other than that I can tell you that the guy does exist and some of the back and forth emails from him in the past were asking me all kinds of questions so I rather doubt it was a made up story but anything is possible in this crazy world, yet I would have to wonder what reasons he would have to take it to such levels if it were not true. I personally believe he has lead a sheltered life devoid of women such as the one he got himself involved with and was very naive of what the terms bar girl or GRO meant. One thing everyone should understand is that I had to do a lot of editing on the second email and cut out some things from the first email before posting them and that I was the one who made the mistake of calling him Paul because I never heard of anyone named Paol before then and thought it had to be a typo, (I have since Googled it and found it to be a fairly common name in some cultures) so that part was my fault and some of the framing of the emails are my fault as I am not very good at editing, heck I am not good at a lot of things and I have since told quite a few email buddies to post their questions on the forum themselves yet I find many never do for whatever reason and I have no idea what their reasons may be other than possibly being afraid someone might recognize them? Beyond that I have not received an email back from Paol yet, so I have no more to add to this thread yet at this time.

Yeah, I believe it's real and all that. My point was more that these girls can create an impression that defies reality, and a guy thinking with the wrong head might believe it, but anyone on the outside can call BS immediately. I know a Canadian guy here in Korea who told me all about the Filipina he just met in Itaewon (the sleezy foreigner section of Seoul) and how she hadn't had a boyfriend in 7 years, but he was different. I almost choked on my food. Things have turned out okay for them so far, but c'mon!!! No boyfriend for 7 years? And she lived where she lived?! Knew another South African guy here in Korea who went head over heals for a Filipina in a band playing the local whiskey bars. She was screwing his wallet, but not him! She even talked smack behind his back. Then he went to the Phils and, despite my warnings, bought property and stuff with her, AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED!! He's now in Saudi without her, and I think she's made his life hell, but he still thinks they're together. Anyways, so when I read the first letter it just reminded me of how easy it is for guys to naively see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. I think Paol is now having the opposite problem: hearing and seeing what he DOESN'T want! Hope it works out for him. Edited August 16, 2010 by ekimswish

[Jake]

"She was screwing his wallet, but not him!" Hello Ekimswish, Do you mind if I borrow that phase -- I kinda like that! As far as Paol is concerned, I don'tbelieve we will hear from him again. I agree with Lee -- he maybe too ashamed orembarrassed to reveal his downfall. However, I am more concerned about his so-calledgirlfriend. I hope that she was able to remove herself from that lifestyle that was perhapsforced against her from an early age. She was orphaned at age 12.Respectfully -- Jake

[ekimswish]

"She was screwing his wallet, but not him!"Hello Ekimswish,Do you mind if I borrow that phase -- I kinda like that! As far as Paol is concerned, I don'tbelieve we will hear from him again. I agree with Lee -- he maybe too ashamed orembarrassed to reveal his downfall. However, I am more concerned about his so-calledgirlfriend. I hope that she was able to remove herself from that lifestyle that was perhapsforced against her from an early age. She was orphaned at age 12.Respectfully -- Jake

lol.... no problem. About the girl, sure I hope she's alright. But I just don't believe she had good intentions with her full-disclosure of her past. Girls are smart and know what they can and can't reveal in a relationship. I don't believe for a second - well, maybe just one second - that she believed telling him those things would make their relationship better. So the question is why, and only Paol could find out that answer.

[Mr Lee]

Well I finally heard from Paol and it seems they have worked it out for the most part. Below are parts of his reply to me. Again I must state for the record that this is not my forum and it is Boss Man's forum.Hi LeeI am sorry I did not reply to you sooner, you have always been very prompt in your replies to me. I have not checked this email account for a long time as I am no longer using this email account for personal reasons. Yes I am still here. Yes I am still with her. No we have not gotten married, not because I did not ask her to but because she refused and asked if we could just live together for a couple more years so I can prove to her that I have accepted her past and that I will not just pick up and leave one day. Smart lady, maybe too smart for a hard head guy like me.All this made me reflect on my life and think about all the bad things I had done during my life, and then I tried hard to balance them all with her past and then asked her to marry me but she must be able to feel the reservation in me so I will now have to prove myself to her which I am willing to do. She is a fantastic lady and I am doing my best to get past her past in my head. Sorry I will cut it short here and thank you and those on your forum for their advice. Right now I would have to say that yes an x bargirl can make a great wife if she was only doing it for the correct reasons and she did not get too attached to the money or sex part of it. Money does not rule her life and we live a simple life which she seems quite content in doing, and she even insists on sharing the bills with me. The sex part is great for both of us. God bless you always my friend,Paol

[oldutot]

Hey Paol, I wish you well and good luck with you and your girl. Keep us inform.

[Art2ro]

Paol,That's cool that you're both still together! Just take life one day at a time and try to improve or adjust your way of thinking towards your relationship as you go along side by side with your loved ones in life in this uncertain crazy world of ours! Good luck!

[kLen]

Paol, its right to know what other thinks but what really matter is WHAT YOUR HEART SAYS.

[BigMoneyBruce]

Wow Mr. Lee Thank Paol for me I really got a lot out of reading about his story and the replies here from members. I try to judge each person indvidually and from what he writes she seems like a fine lady. PI can be an extreeme eviroment to live in for ladies IMO and their is nothing wrong with her past. Many people there will judge her and Paol harshly for it, but it's their loss I would have no problem with them as friends. It seems as thou Paol has moved passed some of his own mental hang ups about the past and they are doing well together, I wish them well. As is any realtionship FULL disclosure is a bad idea as no one really wants specific details ruining thier relationship. I wonder if Paol ever considered telling her his specific details on his sexual encounters. No woman even an ex bar girl would ever want to hear that and that would pernamently damage the relationship. I look forward to hearing more of Paol's story, and I just wish he would come to the forum and make friends.

[Mr Lee]

Just an update on Paol, I got an email from him for new years and he said that he and his lady got married and are doing great, so I guess an x-bargirl can make a great wife if one can deal with, or set aside her past. This is a wonderful time of year hearing from so many who we do not hear from all year, and especially when I get good news such as this. Hope to see more good news posted in days to come. :541: Oh and to answer bigmoneybruce, I passed along your good wishes and asked him to come to the forum but he said he will not post about his life himself, so I guess maybe it still bothers him somewhat.

[Art2ro]

I don't blame Paol for not coming forward himself on an open forum. It's a huge burden to shoulder of what he has experienced and since it's now out in the open, I believe privacy is due in his situation and now especially for his new wife and their new life together in the future! Best wishes and good luck to them both, they will surely need it!

Edited December 27, 2010 by Fil/AmArt